us Page 1051 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Australia Gets Their Beatdown
Team USA buried a big Paul Hogan-style knife into the Australian national team last night, winning by 40 in a game that wasn't as close as the score would indicate. Carmelo had 20, Joe Johnson 18, Dwyane Wade 15, and Shane Battier and Chris Bosh had 12 each....
And The Lord Said: 'Matches Shall Be Two Out Of Three Falls. And No Gouging.'
We're not sure at which sports the Son of God excelled (the Bible is curiously silent on the issue), but we just bet He would have been a ferocious wrestler. Heights Baptist Church in Beech Island, S.C., apparently agrees, which is why they started a "Wrestling For Jesus" ministry three years ago. A...
Very Few Of Those 1.3 Billion Are Good Basketball Players
Team USA got back to their ass-romping ways this morning, beating China by a score of 121-90. Despite the presence of Yao Ming, China's not that good of a team. Really, they're probably the most poorly-equipped team to play the United States; they prefer (an unathletic) man defense, and their guar...
As Far As Wins Go, That Was Pretty Uncomfortable
It's just the first game, and a win's a win, but I'm not going to do any victory dances when we give up 100 points to Puerto Rico, either. Team USA did win by a score of 111-100, but they never really pulled away, they never dominated for a stretch longer than a couple of minutes, and they never rea...
We're Only 99 44/100ths Percent Pure, Ourselves
The woman on the left in this photo is Danika Schroeter. She finished second in the Canadian downhill mountain biking championships last week, finishing just one second behind Michelle Dumaresq. Dumaresq is the woman in the middle. The lady on the right ... we don't know who the lady on the right is...
Eleven Championships And Tremendous Savings On Your Long Distance Bill
From J.E. Skeets and The Basketball Jones comes this tremendous video of a 1973 Bill Russell commercial in which he attempts to save you money on your long distance bill....
Team USA Rolls Lithuania
After a narrow 90-86 escape over Brazil, Team USA got back into their winning habits, cruising to a 111-88 win over Lithuania. Seven USA players scored in double-digits: Caremlo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, Joe Johnson, Kirk Hinrich, Antawn Jamison, and Chris Paul. Lithuanian center Ksistof Lavrinovicius d...
Four Tiny Tidbits On: Conference USA
We must confess that we can't wait each year for the crunch of shoulder pads; for cleats churning up chunks of turf, and red-faced coaches screaming from the sidelines. But enough about lacrosse. College football season is upon us, and to celebrate, we're going to get back into tiny tidbit mode and ...
The Closer: The Fragile Psyche Of Roger Clemens
Notes from a day in baseball:...
That Confused Guy You See, That's Matt Doherty
Anybody wondering what former North Carolina men's basketball coach Matt Doherty has been up to? Anyone? Well, you might know he's coaching at SMU (and apparently already dealing with some NCAA violations). But did you know he was also embracing "new" "technology?"...
Reggie Bush Might Beat Your Ass In A Mall
The fine folks at TMZ, after months of accosting celebrities as they drunkenly walked out of clubs, finally had their breakthrough last week with the Mel Gibson "sugar tits" story, which not only horrified Jews and Gentiles alike, but also ruined a classic pickup line forever. They're all over the p...
Arash Markazi's Outstanding Expense Account
If you've ever worked in the field of journalism, you know that, when it comes to travel arrangements, the media could use better travel agents. They almost always wait until the last minute to approve trips, which inevitably causes the price to be double or triple what it should have been. It's v...
USA Basketball Barely Escapes (And We Don't Mean "From China")
We don't mean to ruin it for those of you who had your Brazilian Tivos all set up, but USA Basketball just had its first serious scare in preparation for the World Championships, edging Brazil 90-86. The Americans led by 14 at halftime, but Brazil — led by the immortal Tiago Splitter — closed it lat...
Free Darko, Live On Scene, And Loving Jim Gray
Generally speaking, we think it's silly for online writers — who are the only ones free from the PR/press pass/everybody-play-nice circle jerk of commercialized athletics — to salivate over press passes as if they had, at last, been invited to the ball. But we will make an exception when the folks f...
Evidently, Larry Flynt Is In The Basketball Court Painting Business
I'm a little disappointed in myself that I didn't notice this. What you are looking at is the court on which Team USA drubbed Puerto Rico last night in an exhibition basketball game. And, as was noted at sethgunderson.com, the lane looks a little... well, penile....
Making Tall Men Play Basketball, Poorly
And with this poorly scored video, we introduce you to the phenomenon known as Sun Ming-Ming, who is currently with the Dodge City Legend of the USBL. He is seven-foot-nine, which makes him the tallest man in professional basketball and the seventh tallest man in the world....
The Uniforms That Made Baseball Cry
It was Retro Day at Petco Park on Thursday, which probably doesn't mean much to you if you weren't a baseball fan in the 1970s. But for those who lived through those dark, confusing times, you have our sympathy, and we're sorry you had to relive the horror. We've all seen pictures such as the ones...
Yao Ming's Big, Big Stand
Houston Rockets center Yao Ming doesn't just spend his offseasons taking a stroll or two around the track. He also spends it saving elephants by swatting away bullets heading toward them directly out of the air. See, he's not just tall; he's made of some sort of indestructible material....
Boeheim Must Have Had Some Hand In This
We don't mean to imply that the Syracuse football team might not be so good this year, but they have a wide receiver who is five-foot-four. We think our family dog is taller than that....
Americans Continue To Lead The World In Mysteriously Tainted Urine
The world's fastest man, Justin Gatlin, has failed a pee-pee test, and, stop me if you've heard this before, claims he didn't do anything wrong. Both his 'A' and 'B' samples came up positive for unusually high amounts of synthetic testosterone....