us Page 979 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NCAA Expands To Canada; Can University Of Phoenix Online Be Far Behind?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
The Inexorable Pussification Of Little League Marches On
A 12-year-old boy thought it would be cool to break out the pop-up slide — and tore up his knee in the process. This being America, of course his family sued. So how much money did they get?...
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Crossing Pattern Dong
The Deadspin Hall of Fame is not just for individuals: It is for themes, for common bonds, for lasting memes ... for dongs....
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Alex Rodriguez
Well, we had to nominate one person whose very name makes you groan, and if we had picked Brett Favre, Drew would have never stopped stabbing me in the eye....
Joe Posnanski Just Gave You A Reason To Renew Your <em>Sports Illustrated</em> Subscription
Posnanski, who in the time it takes you to read this will have written two features and a post about Yuniesky Betancourt, is SI's newest senior writer: "This is Broadway. This is Paris under a setting sun." [Joeposnanski.com, TBL, Shanoff]...
Spend The Night In Roger Federer's Bed
Roger Federer has his own personalized $3,000-a-night suite at the Carlyle Hotel—with monogrammed pillows!—just for the two weeks a year he spends ruling the U.S. Open. Unfortunately, Rafael Nadal has the only key. [Observer]...
Alexander Ovechkin Is Here To Do Two Things: Play Hockey And Sex Your Women
And hockey season is over. Russia Today gets to the bottom Alex Ovechkin's life, complete with helpful on-screen guides. Revelations: He's ugly, sadness makes him cry, and sex is good. You're welcome. [Puck Duddy]...
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Lenny Dykstra
Our second nominee of the day is as close a representation as you'll find of the lunacy that led none of you to have jobs. Other than Yankee Stadium, anyway....
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Charles Barkley
All right, so the Hall of Fame nominations are early this year, and coming at you without warning. They start, like, right now....
Mysterious, Gaseous Noise Invades The Buick Open
Unless CBS had a special microphone right next to his ass, it doesn't seem plausible that Woods could be the culprit. Yes, just a few seconds before blast-off, we see Woods loosening his hamstrings by kicking his legs up behind him, followed by the alleged fart, then a shot of he and caddy Steve Wil...
Whither Mutton Bustin'? How the Culture of Self-Esteem Is Ruining An American Tradition
We can all agree that Mutton Bustin' is a good thing. But are liberal parents threatening the sanctity of this fundamentally American rite of passage? Yes. They are....
The Patriotism Of "Mutton-Bustin'": The Young Men In The Arena Clinging Bravely To Our Last Chance At Global Competitiveness
Long before they became known as beacons of transgender pride and abortion on demand the great Republican Teddy Roosevelt observed the nation's cities to be poor places to raise children, because "most good games are against the law."...
The Real Reason Michael Phelps Won't Meet With the Pope
It's not because he got high (as we all know, the Pope smokes dope). The reason famous fish-person Michael Phelps won't meet with the Nazi Pope is buried deep in his family history, as revealed on his Wikipedia page....
If You Want a Ride In James Harrison's Smart Car, Ask For a Ride in James Harrison's Smart Car When He Hasn't Won the Super Bowl
James Harrison, who is reportedly afraid of one perfectly dignified method of transportation, showed up to training camp in in a tiny German clown car. He is driving it for the children!...
Why Your Stadium Sucks: U.S. Cellular Field
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Chicago White Sox's U.S. Cellular Field....
A One-Day Study On Use And Variance Of "Pussy" Uttered By Brian Urlacher
First Bobby Wade said that Brian Urlacher called new teammate Jay Cutler a pussy. Urlacher denied it. Then Urlacher said the radio stations starting this nonsense were the pussies. Explanations and clarifications disrupt a quiet Wednesday in the Windy City....
Omar Minaya: Mix Master No More
It was just two years ago that Omar Minaya was a Sports Illustrated cover boy and subject of a fawning profile in which he was referred to simply as O. As in: Oh my, how things have changed....
Shy, Retiring Sort Shockingly Takes To Ustream
Chad Ocho Cinco's doing the Marbury thing on Ustream, minus the God and most of the crazy. At last check, he was wearing a robe, calling Lil Wayne on speakerphone and saying things like, "I'm the new ESPN, man." [Ustream]...
A Comprehensive Ranking Of The Products Inside A Good Humor Truck
One of the good things about being a parent is that, during the summer, you're fully justified in eating all the goddamn ice cream you want....