vide Page 131 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Newcastle's First Goal On The Season Was This Curling Strike From Demba Ba
Demba Ba was slow to start his 2011-2012 campaign and then disappeared entirely from Newcastle United's scoresheet after the month of February. It deprived us glorious goals like this one he scored against Manchester United in February....

Man Escorted Out Of Comerica Park For Being So Drunk He May Have Pissed Himself
Here, for your convenience, are all the classic signs of a person who has had too much to drink. Wobbly knees. Friend struggling to help the person home. Others delighting in the person's misfortune. A brush with law enforcement. Oh, and piss-soaked shorts. [Sweater Punch]...

Is This The Most Terrifying Weather Alert In The History Of Television?
It's midnight. You're snug in your Nashville bed, or maybe on the sofa with your lips wrapped around a crack pipe, I don't know, but whatever excuse you have for watching Jimmy Fallon, that's it....
![Bull Gores The Shit Out Of Matador [Possibly NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17w9lb5z6wy8djpg.jpg)
Bull Gores The Shit Out Of Matador [Possibly NSFW]
This is the moment Fernando Cruz took a horn halfway through his abdomen, at a Madrid bull ring on Wednesday. Cruz received a couple of gores, to his stomach and abdomen, with both horns. If you're not a fan of killing animals for sport, maybe you're applauding this news. We're not about to call you...

A Town Welcomes Back Its Olympic Hero By Singing "We Are The Champions" In Estonian
Heiki Nabi took a silver in Greco-Roman wrestling in London, one of Estonia's two medals. So when Nabi returned to his hometown of Kärdla, on an island in the Baltic Sea, seemingly the entire population came out to greet him by serenading him with an Estonian version of a Queen classic....

Here Are A Bunch Of MLB Players Doing Funny Impressions Of <em>The Expendables</em> Cast
Allow me to self-plagiarize for a moment. A few members of the Deadspin staff, myself included, once went to the MLB Fan Cave. It was in many ways a soul-crushing place, where the Pepsi Max (but no other variety of Pepsi) was bottomless, and where Jeff Nelson was just hanging out, likely against his...

Fox Unveils "Goose Cam," Which Is The Worst Thing Ever
I can't imagine there's any football fan who turns on their TV on Sundays and thinks to themselves, "God, I hope this game features lots of Tony Siragusa and his crack football analysis." Well, now Fox is investing even more in their rotund, roaming reporter, giving him some kind of gadget-filled ...

VP Candidate Paul Ryan Praised The "Storied" Cleveland Browns And Quarterback "Brendan Wheaton"
Political pandering is hard to pull off right these days, but Paul Ryan should know better than to laud a "storied" franchise that's never won a Super Bowl and has one winning season in the last 10 (and, depending on your interpretation of such things, has only existed since 1999). Also, you got t...
![A Fan Suffered An Apparent Heart Attack During Tonight's Blue Jays Game [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
A Fan Suffered An Apparent Heart Attack During Tonight's Blue Jays Game [UPDATE]
Update 11:15 p.m.: Toronto police have now confirmed to CityNews Toronto and the Globe and Mail that the man who was taken to the hospital has now died. MLB.com also has a roundup of player reaction to what happened. If you care to watch the above video, it shows what preceded the stoppage in play...

This Is What The Lincoln Tunnel Looks Like To An F1 Car At 90 MPH
To do some press for the debut of a New Jersey F1 race (which probably won't happen in 2013, as was planned) Red Bull Racing sent David Coulthard through the Lincoln Tunnel with a camera on his car. A speed of 90 mph would get him through the 1.5-mile tunnel in 60 seconds. That's shorter than what...
![Matt Kemp's Tirade Was Too Obscene For One Young Pirates Fan [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17w7mxobl491ajpg.jpg)
Matt Kemp's Tirade Was Too Obscene For One Young Pirates Fan [UPDATE]
In the middle of Andre Ethier's second-inning at-bat today in Pittsburgh, Matt Kemp (who was in the dugout and had struck out the previous inning) was jawing at home plate umpire Angel Campos, who warned Kemp at least once to cool it. (The first thing you can hear here is Campos telling Kemp, "I ...

It Took Long Enough, But Someone Finally Made A Hitler Minigolf Hole
It's not even cathartic! You can't even clang a ball off his fiberglass groin, since it's hollowed out to make a tunnel. All he does is heil at you, and, I don't know, bark like a seal?...

Josh Hamilton's Fly Ball Damn Near Killed Andruw Jones
The scene is the Yankees game. Right now. Weather's nice in the city. Warm, breezy, with a sun obscured by few clouds. It's a beautiful day to watch baseball, indoors with the windows open, or on television. It's a beautiful day to play baseball, too, if you're anyone but Andruw Jones....

The Mariners' Double-A Team, Including Felix Hernandez's Brother, Went Nutso When Felix Finished His Perfect Game
Batting practice for the Jackson (Tenn.) Generals ground to a halt yesterday afternoon, as Felix Hernandez closed in on his first career perfecto. The end of the game was played on the scoreboard, and the Mariners' AA affiliate gathered in left field to watch the final few pitches. When Sean Rodri...

Four Umpires, And Not One Knows The Count
Yes, the job of the men in blue can sometimes be a dangerous one. But most of the time, the gig is just a matter of calling what they see, while also keeping track of exactly where everything stands. Simple, right? Well, things got a bit confusing for all involved during Carlos Lee's ordinary at-bat...

Torii Hunter Accidentally Drills An Umpire In The Head With His Cleat
What a shitty season for umpire Greg Gibson. First, he gets a Stephen Strasburg fastball to the crotch in April. Now, he's actually in the correct position (as far as I can tell) for making the call on Torii Hunter's attempt to score last night, only to have Hunter's cleat roll up and clip him right...

After 75 Years And 25 Matches, The U.S. Men's Soccer Team Finally Wins In Mexico
No one really expected much from the USMNT tonight in a friendly at Estadio Azteca against Olympic gold medal-winning Mexico (and its super-creepy mascot), but an 80th-minute goal from Michael Orozco Fiscal—and some incredible goaltending goalkeeping from Tim Howard—gave the US a historic 1-0 win ...

Chad Johnson Getting Cut Made For A Devastating <em>Hard Knocks</em>
It's all falling apart for Chad Johnson. On Saturday, an arrest on domestic violence charges after allegedly headbutting his wife. On Sunday, he was cut from the Dolphins, possibly the last NFL team that was going to give him a chance. But undrafted rookie or 11-year veteran, the end always comes ...

A Lady You All Know And Love Examines An Alley Brawl Between Ladies Who Seemingly Hate One Another
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "GIRL FIGHT IN MARISSA ILL." Tonight's commentator: Emma Carmichael, former Deadspinner, current managing editor of Gawker....

Phoenix Mercury Practice With Mayor, Break His Nose
Greg Stanton became Phoenix's mayor last November in what was called the "nastiest" and "most contentious mayoral Phoenix has seen in nearly 30 years." As nasty as Stanton might be, he's no match for Nakia Sanford's flying elbows....