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John Tortorella Has Had Just About Enough Of Your Damn Questions
We'll keep it in the room, Stan....

Jamie Moyer Continues To Break Every Oldest Baseball Player's Record
Record-breaking old man Jamie Moyer, who legend has it is older than dirt, legged out a two-run infield single tonight, becoming the geezeriest ballplayer to ever drive in a run. Pitcher Jack Quinn of the Brooklyn Dodgers was 48 years, 11 months, and six days when he hit a three-run double back in ...
![Rays Infielder Will Rhymes Passed Out After Being Hit By A Pitch Tonight [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Rays Infielder Will Rhymes Passed Out After Being Hit By A Pitch Tonight [UPDATE]
A horrifying scene unfolded at Tropicana Field in the bottom of the eighth inning of tonight's Rays-Red Sox game as Tampa Bay infielder Will Rhymes collapsed on the field after being hit on the arm by a pitch from Boston's Franklin Morales....

In Attempting To Throw Tonight's Rangers First Pitch, Gary Sinise Showed Lieutenant Dan Has No Arm, Either
Gary Sinise was on hand before today's A's-Rangers game from Arlington to toss out the game's first pitch and promote his veterans' charities. Unfortunately, the CSI:NY star's throw suffered from The Big Bounce though it was, eventually, corralled at home plate. [FSSW]...

Reconstructing The Most Exciting Day In The History Of Soccer (And Maybe Sports, Period)
The final day of the 2011 MLB regular season enchanted us with its insanity; its events became a video game montage and inspired its own tag here on Deadspin. That day, however, only determined which teams would gain entry to the playoffs. By comparison, Sunday's final day of the English Premier ...

Curt Schilling Wants A Government Bailout
Curt Schilling's 38 Studios is having issues. They recently pulled out of the upcoming Electronic Entertainment Expo because their new game, codenamed "Project Copernicus," isn't going to be ready on time. That game is being built with tens of millions of dollars guaranteed by Rhode Island taxpayers...

The Padres And Nationals Were Ready To Resume Play, But Three Of The Umpires Were Nowhere To Be Found
Umpires often like to say they're doing their jobs when no one notices them. But Tony Randazzo, Alan Porter, and Larry Vanover weren't trying to prove themselves when they literally disappeared for a moment yesterday at Nationals Park....

Here Is A Video Of Charles Barkley Using A Shake Weight In Extremely Slow Motion
TNT's Inside The NBA hosts Shaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkley are engaged in some sort of workout competition, and tonight Shaq tossed Charles Barkley a Shake Weight to help Chuck's battle of the bulk. While it doesn't appear Sir Charles understands the device too well, it's still a delicious i...

Umpire Bill Miller Has Bad Night, Gets Hit First By Brett Lawrie's Helmet And Then A Blue Jays Fan's Beer
In what's turning out to be a bad day for MLB umpires, Bill Miller—behind the plate for tonight's Rays-at-Jays matchup in Toronto—suffered the wrath of Brett Lawrie's helmet after the Blue Jays third baseman took issue with Miller's strike zone....

Porn Star Stoya Watches A Stripper Fight For Us: "Wrestling Is More Entertaining With Sparkly Garments"
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "STRIPPER FIGHT = ASS." Tonight's commentator: Stoya, aka "International Porn Superstar Stoya(tm)." And, "Incendiary, Quixotic, Sassy" Fleshlighteer. Not to mention a w...

Curt Schilling's Video Game Company Might Cost Taxpayers $112 Million (Update)
Curt Schilling loves his MMORPGs (think Everquest or World of Warcraft). So much so that in 2006, he founded his own company to produce them. 38 Studios set up shop in Maynard, Mass., and got to work....

Carlos Lee Couldn't Get To The Ball, So He Tackled An Umpire Instead
Charlie Manuel's profane stare-down with Bob Davidson wasn't the only hilarity involving an umpire during today's Astros-Phillies matinee. Way back in the bottom of the first, Jimmy Rollins led off by bouncing a ball down the line, where it rolled just beyond the reach of Carlos Lee, whose next move...

Clumsy Dodgers Fan Drops Foul Ball, Falls Onto Field, Knocks Over Beer
This poor joker just couldn't do anything right in his pursuit of a ball that was pretty much hit right at him. And to top it off, he was wearing a glove. Watching this, I half-expected to see O.J. Simpson stumble into a bear trap, trip into a wedding cake, and fall off a boat....

Some Poor Bastard's Cell Phone Went Off During John Tortorella's Press Conference, And Torts Was Not Happy
John Tortorella's press conferences are the stuff of legend: tense, terse legend. At least from the media side, they're more amusing than hostile. But there's going to come a day when the Rangers aren't winning, and the scribes are going to refer to their mental tally of all the times Torts bullie...

Canadian Lacrosse Brawl Is Best Lacrosse Brawl
An emailer tells us we're looking at the Intermediate A teams (so, 16-to-18-year-olds) of the Coquitlam Adanacs and Nanaimo Timbermen fighting it out at a game on Saturday. We love it, and not just because it features so many punchable faces getting punched. Presumably lacrosse has penalties for l...

This Umpire Might Have The Most Exaggerated Strike-Three Call Of All Time
All we know about this video is that it was recorded over the weekend at Campbell Field in Rock Island, Ill. Well, that and the umpire in it really wants you to know he called that pitch a strike....

Jered Weaver Sings Along To "Hit The Road Jack" After Being Pulled From Game
Jered Weaver is having an excellent season. Only two starts removed from his no-hitter, he had allowed no earned runs in four of his first seven starts this spring. But then came Sunday night and the Texas Rangers and their heavy machinery. Weaver managed to strike out Josh Hamilton twice, but he al...

Here's The Joey Barton Meltdown From Today's Stunning Manchester City Comeback
Before we got to the dramatic finish, QPR's Joey Barton provided some initial fireworks after getting sent off for an "off-the-ball incident involving Carlos Tevez."...

Manchester City Scores Two Goals In Added Time Against QPR To Snag EPL Title From Manchester United
On one of the more dramatic endings you'll likely see, Manchester City ripped the EPL Title from the hands of Manchester United after scoring two goals, the last of which you see here by Sergio Aguero, in stoppage time for its first EPL title in 44 years....

Steve Bartman's True Identity Revealed: He's Al Bundy
First, we brought you the Jose Canseco joke that launched a thousand Jose Canseco jokes. Now, we bring you evidence that Steve Bartman is Al Bundy. Or perhaps even more insidious, Bartman was merely a stooge in a wide ranging conspiracy to prove the writers of Married...With Children soothsaying o...