w Page 2878 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Predators' Austin Watson Arrested For Domestic Assault
As first reported by the Tennessean this morning, Nashville Predators forward Austin Watson was arrested Saturday and charged with domestic assault after he argued with his girlfriend at a gas station and shoved her. A witness flagged down a Franklin PD car around 7 p.m. to report “a possible domest...
Russia Is The Highest Scoring Team In The World Cup. INVESTIGATE?!
Yesterday Russia beat Egypt 3-1, and have now formally clinched a spot in the Round of 16 thanks to Uruguay’s victory earlier today. In fact, out of all the teams in this World Cup, it is the host country of Russia—ranked 70th overall by FIFA, behind the likes of Guinea, the Cape Verde Islands, and ...
Cubs Reliever Brandon Morrow Says He Hurt Himself While Taking Off His Pants
The Cubs didn’t use closer Brandon Morrow in either of their games Tuesday against the Dodgers, instead relying on a bevy of other relievers. He would’ve been really helpful in the first game, which the Cubs lost 4-3 after Justin Wilson blew a 3-2 lead in the ninth. According to the team, the reason...
Here It Is, The World Cup's Greatest And Most Shameless Dive
Portugal essentially ended Morocco’s World Cup this morning with a frustrating 1-0 win. Ronaldo scored off of a corner kick in the fourth minute, and Morocco couldn’t find the back of the net despite creating several great chances. Because Portugal are Portugal, they stalled out the end of the game ...
Jackie Bradley Jr. Threw The Fuck Out Of This Ball
Jackie Bradley Jr. has been having a truly nightmarish season at the plate. The kind you tell your kids about, the kind that would otherwise warrant a player riding the bench for much of the year. We’re talking about a .182/.279/.297, four-dingers-through-65-games sort of season. But his defense is ...
Let’s Remember Some Guys: Pro Wrestling Edition
My uncle introduced me to pro wrestling. I think I was seven. He clued me in on the gag right away: Guys pretended to fight, and it was hilarious....
The Giants Stuck Up For Red-Assed Numbskull Hunter Strickland And Put Buster Posey At Risk
Even if you are the type of team that operates under a strict adherence to baseball’s dopey unwritten rules, there are times when exceptions should be made. For example, when it comes time to defend the honor of a known dolt like Hunter Strickland, who started a useless beef with a rookie Marlin who...
The Yankees Are Now On Pace For A Record Number Of Dingers
With four home runs last night in a 7-2 win over Seattle, the Yankees are on pace for 273 home runs this season, which would top the MLB record set by the 1997 Mariners. “Everybody here can hit,” Miguel Andujar said. Indeed....
The Most Thrilling Drama In The NBA Tonight Is Gregg Popovich And Kawhi Leonard Possibly Having A Meeting
The Kawhi Leonard trade saga has so far been short on specific news about the possibly still-injured Spurs forward’s future home, though the Lakers are supposedly the California native’s preferred destination. But it’s getting long on ridiculously specific media reports, which is really what’s neces...
Burger King Is Sorry It Offered Russian Women Lifetime Whoppers If They Get Impregnated By World Cup Stars
An official social media account for Burger King in Russia posted a promotion this morning promising a reward of 3 million Rubles ($47,000) and a lifetime supply of Whoppers for any Russian woman who got pregnant with the child of a World Cup player....
World-Class Doofus Hunter Strickland Out For Two Months After Punching A Wall<em></em>
Giants reliever Hunter Strickland was very definitively Not Mad while exiting the eventual San Francisco loss last night. On his walk back to the dugout after blowing his team’s lead, Strickland exchanged words with Giant-killing Marlins outfielder Lewis Brinson after Brinson both tagged Strickland...
Alleged Cyberbully Fiancé<em></em> Mike Hoffman Laundered Through Sharks To Panthers
In an obvious, inevitable move, the Ottawa Senators dumped longtime forward Mike Hoffman this morning in a trade to the San Jose Sharks. In the deal, the Sens got a replacement winger in Mikkel Boedker, defensive prospect Julius Bergman, and a late draft pick. More importantly, they also got the cha...
The Beef Between Lewis Brinson And Hunter Strickland Is Currently Medium Well
Hunter Strickland has long been established as the biggest baby, as he once threw a retaliatory pitch for a nearly 3-year-old dinger. It doesn’t take much to get under the Giants closer’s skin, besides exposing him as kind of a mortal pitcher in front of large crowds....
Americans Are Playing In The World Cup, Just Not For Our Shit-Ass National Team
This was always going to be a terrible World Cup for Americans, seeing as our boys choked like a bunch of chump-ass pissbabies and didn’t qualify for the tournament. However, the tournament hasn’t been completely devoid of American soccer excellence. It’s just that none of that American excellence a...
<i>New Yorker</i> Film Critic Has Reservations About Children's Movie Because His Boner Kept Blocking The Screen
Have you seen Incredibles 2? If you liked 2004's The Incredibles, about a family of superheroes in a sort of midcentury-modern-flavored alternate universe America, you’ll likely enjoy its sequel very much. As you might expect from any big-budget sequel it’s a little less fresh than the original and ...
The Football Player Flips A Log On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, And The Football Knower Gets Eliminated
Team, there are roster cuts every week, but this round was tough. Our numbers have been depleted during an away game in Park City, Utah. (Lucky for them, the state’s previously stringent liquor laws have abated in recent years; if they hadn’t, it’s hard to imagine our players would have performed a...
Sweaty Softball Parents Try To Brawl, Roll Around For A Bit, Ruin Daughters' Weekend
The video you’re about to watch is going to look chaotic as hell and sound like the end of days—almost immediately, your ears will be flooded with girls screaming at the top of their lungs while your eyes fixate on what appears to be a violent brawl. Upon closer inspection, however, you’ll realize t...
Lawsuit: Milwaukee Officer At Sterling Brown Arrest Joked About It On Facebook, Hoped To Do The Same To J.R. Smith
This morning, Bucks player Sterling Brown filed a civil lawsuit against the city of Milwaukee, Milwaukee Police Chief Alfonso Morales, and eight other MPD officers for their roles in a Jan. 26 incident where Brown was arrested and tased for no reason in a Walgreens parking lot. Videos from the night...
Mexico World Cup Captain Going To Ridiculous Lengths To Avoid Violating Treasury Department Sanctions
Mexican national team captain Rafael Márquez has been in some pretty serious legal trouble for the past year. Last August, the United States Treasury Department sanctioned him for allegedly helping Mexican drug kingpin Raul Flores Hernandez launder money. Márquez has denied the allegations and is cu...
Senegal's M'Baye Niang Scores The Sneakiest Goal You'll Ever See
If you’ve never seen a goal like the one M’Baye Niang just scored for Senegal against Poland, you’re not alone. This is one of the most ridiculous and hilarious and brilliant stealth goals I’ve ever seen....