w Page 2946 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Missouri Athletic Director Says South Carolina Fans Spit On Women's Basketball Players, Used "The N-Word"
The South Carolina and Missouri women’s basketball teams have played and split two heated games this month, and in each match-up, fans from both sides have been accused of increasingly shitty and racist behavior. In the first game, a Missouri fan reportedly called USC players “thugs.” In this past S...
German Hockey Player Narrowly Avoids <i>Der Eismaschine</i><em></em>
Stefan Loibl of the Straubing Tigers was just giving a routine interview in the second intermission of a 4-2 loss to fellow German hockey club Kölner Haie. But just when you’re feeling safe—that’s when Der Eismaschine will strike....
South Carolina Governor Desperately Wants To Find A Way To Fuck The National Anthem
If you’re in South Carolina on Super Bowl Sunday and you hear the national anthem start, stand up and yell every last word, or else the patriotism police will take you to the office of Governor Henry McMaster for a spanking. Today McMaster issued a proclamation, which means nothing, that everyone in...
Fabiano Caruana Tells Us What The Life Of A Chess Grandmaster Is Really Like
Fabiano Caruana is the No. 2-ranked chess player in the world. He achieved Grandmaster status just before his 15th birthday back in 2007. In the 2016 Chess Olympiad he represented the United States on the first board as the Americans took home the gold for the first time since 1976. In March, he wil...
Roger Goodell Assures Everyone Washington Football Team Will Remain Racist Despite Chief Wahoo Removal
After the Cleveland Indians announced that they’ll be taking Chief Wahoo off of team uniforms by 2019, the Washington NFL team naturally drew scrutiny. Would they follow suit and ditch their comically racist name for something more palatable, or at least scrub their logo for something more neutral?...
Philly Cops Won’t Grease Poles For The Super Bowl Because It Didn’t Work Anyway
If the Eagles do the unthinkable and actually win the Super Bowl, Philadelphians will rush out onto the streets in celebration. If they want to climb some light poles to celebrate, they will be able to do so unencumbered: Philadelphia Police Commissioner Richard Ross announced today that the city wo...
There Seems To Be A Problem With Those "Unopenable" Olympic Piss Test Bottles
When you pee into a drug tester’s cup at the Olympics, you don’t just pee into a plastic cup labeled “ATHLETE PISS,” you pee into state-of-the-art BEREG-KIT Geneva bottles made by Swiss manufacturer Berlinger. They have a locking top that can only be opened by a machine that destroys them, which wou...
Reading Product Plugs From Joshua Tree Helped Me Understand My Industry's Twisted Heart<em></em>
In November, Uproxx editorial director of music Caitlin White published “Breaking Up In Joshua Tree Helped Me Understand My Own Twisted Heart,” originally under the third-person headline “A Writer Finds Loss And Rebirth In A Road Trip To Joshua Tree.” The post was a true original, alternating intens...
Bumbling Package Thief Injures Leg, Is Rescued By Getaway Driver In Russell Wilson Jersey<em></em>
Stealing packages seems like a scummy, straightforward two-person operation: One briskly walks up to the house, while the other keeps the car running. This one on Friday quickly fell apart due to an unforeseen variable: wet grass....
Baseball Executive Kevin Towers Dead At 56 Of Thyroid Cancer
Former Padres and Diamondbacks general manager Kevin Towers died Tuesday morning of thyroid cancer, which he was diagnosed with in late 2016. Towers was known as a popular and insightful executive, first entering the front office ranks as a scout before he became the Padres’ GM in 1995....
Forcing Hawks Fans To Try And Guard Hot Sauce Is Very Cruel And Very Funny
It can’t be easy coming up with new in-arena gimmicks to entertain NBA fans during stoppages in play—there is only one Red Panda to go around, after all—so kudos to the Atlanta Hawks for a new recurring segment in which street ball legend and AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion embarrasses...
John Wall Broken, Wizards Dead, Universe Empty
Washington Wizards guard John Wall will miss six to eight weeks for a “procedure to clean up” his sore left knee, the one that has now been interfering with his career on a dismally regular basis since at least as far back as 2012. In related news [long anguished scream, tapering away to silence]....
Braun Strowman Continued Wrecking The WWE Raw Set
WWE has been in Philadelphia for the last few days, and things have been generally well-received. The card on Saturday included what some people are calling two of the best NXT matches ever. The Royal Rumble on Sunday included a men’s Rumble that people generally loved, and a first-ever women’s Rumb...
Boston Is So Embarrassing
By now you are surely aware of the fact that WEEI host Alex Reimer was suspended indefinitely after saying Tom Brady’s daughter was being an “annoying little pissant” in a scene of the first episode of Brady’s new Facebook reality show. He caught the ire of Brady, who went on WEEI and implied that R...
Milwaukee Police Reviewing Officers' Arrest, Tasing Of Sterling Brown; Will Release Body Camera Footage
Milwaukee police announced on Monday that Bucks rookie Sterling Brown will not face any charges after being arrested for resisting arrest last week....
Report: Wyoming DA Won't File Charges Against Wrestlers Who Waterboarded Freshman Teammate
The Kelly Walsh High School (Wyo.) wrestlers accused of waterboarding their freshman teammate won’t be charged with any crimes, as Natrona County District Attorney Michael Blonigen said Thursday that while the actions did amount to hazing, he couldn’t press charges because of what he perceived to be...
Report: Eric Wood's Retirement Delayed Due To Bonus Money Dispute
Buffalo Bills center Eric Wood, who was diagnosed with a career-ending neck injury in his season-ending physical, gave a weird press conference this afternoon in which, instead of announcing his retirement as expected, he showed up nearly an hour late and gave just a two-minute statement without ans...
Enes Kanter's Fucked-Up Lip
Enes Kanter fucked up his lip and this is what it looks like....
MLB Says Cleveland Indians Will Get Rid Of Chief Wahoo On Uniforms In 2019
The Cleveland Indians will no longer sport images of their racist mascot Chief Wahoo on team uniforms starting in 2019. Major League Baseball announced the change this morning, saying in a statement that the caricature was “no longer appropriate for use on the field.”...