w Page 4594 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
ESPN's <em>Numbers Never Lie*</em> Expects Every American To Drink 12 Beers Sunday
Here's a ridiculous segment by the usually-reliable Michael Smith on ESPN's Numbers Never Lie* in which he recites a series of absurd statistics about the Super Bowl (without citing where they got the information, of course)....
Blood Writes: The Horror Of Throwing A Pitch And Having Your Arm Snap In Half
Welcome to Blood Week. We put out the call last week for your tales of of blood, violence, gruesome injuries, near-death experiences, mayhem, and blood. Many of you came through with submissions, which we'll be posting throughout the week. If you have a story and/or photos to share, email tips@dead...
Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, And The Genius Of The Patriots' No-Huddle Offense
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Ted Leonsis Has Had It With The <em>Washington Post</em> "Harboring Criminals" Who Resell Wizards Tickets, The Way The Wizards Do
As long as Dan Snyder is around Washington, Wizards and Capitals owner Ted Leonsis won't ever be the city's most thin-skinned sports owner. But with his Caps and Wizards turning in disappointing and horrifying seasons, respectively, Leonsis has been showing the strain....
Does The Success Of An NFL Replay Challenge Depend On Which TV Network Is Broadcasting The Game?
NBC's 40 cameras should give officials an unprecedented number of angles to analyze in the occasion a replay challenge is issued during Sunday's Super Bowl. While it makes sense that the biggest game of the season would have more replay resources, there are also differences in the video coverage of...
Which Guy In Bill Belichick's Inner Circle Is More Mysterious?
Because the Patriots are in the Super Bowl, and because Bill Belichick—admirably or otherwise—doesn't tell anyone about anything, the press corps has reasoned that it is high time to explore the mysterious dudes who work for him. One is Ernie Adams (left), the other is Berj Najarian (right)....
Cockblocked By Blood!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Pants-Wetting Cardinals Broadcaster Will Be Back In The Booth This Season
Dan McLaughlin, AKA Danny Mac, AKA the guy who had two DWIs in the last two seasons and may have soiled himself during one of his arrests, will return to call Cardinals games in 2012 for Fox Sports Midwest....
Marshall Baseball Player Sues Frat After Being Startled By Anus-Mounted Firework
Louie Helmburg is a sophomore, and the backup catcher for the Marshall Thundering Herd. He hit .226 last year, with three RBI and four runs scored, and missed part of the season when he fell off a deck at the ATO house after one of the brothers fired a bottle rocket out of his ass....
How To Care For A Bleeding Child
I have two children, and they are remarkably adept at hurting themselves. They bash into tables, chairs, doors, shelves, bedposts, pits filled with poisonous spikes, etc. One time my daughter was running around with a mirror, tripped, fell, and put her head through the mirror, shattering it to piece...
An Interview With The Fan Who Got His Bald Head Tattooed To Look Like A Patriots Helmet (And Who Is Now In Jail)
Victor Thompson, a resident of Laconia, N.H., gained some notoriety a few years back when he decided to tattoo the Patriots logo on both sides of his head before Super Bowl XLII. Four years later, with the Patriots back in the Super Bowl to face the Giants again, I was curious as to what Thompson's ...
This Greg Oden Knee Surgery Is Not Like Other Greg Oden Knee Surgeries
Yet another procedure on Greg Oden's 90-year-old knees, but this one has a surprise twist....
Josh Hamilton Apologizes And Admits He Had "Three Or Four" Drinks Monday Night
Hamilton joked, at a question-free press conference earlier today, that he wished he were there to talk about a contract. Alas. According to Jon Heyman, the Rangers also hired Hambone a new accountability coach after the incident Monday night. (Clarification: Hamilton also said he drank after those ...
What It's Like When An NFL Linebacker Nearly Knocks Your Head Off
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
20 Rules For Your Super Bowl Party
Originally published Jan. 29, 2009....
Kobayashi Almost Pukes, Smiles At The Cameras, Obliterates Wing Bowl Record
Philadelphia's biggest eaters didn't stand a chance this morning against the superhuman maw of Takeru Kobayashi, who set a new Wing Bowl record by eating 337 chicken wings. The old record of 255 wings—set last year by Joey "Super" Squibb—was doomed by the end of the second round, making the final a ...
How <em>The New York Times</em> Fumbled Its Case Against The Yale Quarterback
Last week, The New York Times told a new story about how Yale quarterback Patrick Witt's candidacy for a Rhodes Scholarship ended. While the public was following the drama of Witt declining his Rhodes interview to play in the Harvard-Yale game, the Times reported, the Rhodes Trust and Yale had suspe...
"I'm Walking Around With A Bullet In My Head And A Scar On My Neck": Clint Malarchuk, At 50
On March 22, 1989, Buffalo Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk had his neck slashed by an opponent's skate, slicing open his carotid artery and jugular vein, and bringing him within minutes of his own death. (You can watch the video here, at your own risk.) In 2008, Malarchuk, who has a long history of de...
A Man Is Suing To Assert His Legal Right To Scream "Fuck You" At Chargers Games
There hasn't been much to celebrate in San Diego sports in many, many years. The Chargers last won an AFL title in 1963, and, uh, the Padres have never won an MLB title. But San Diegans can't curse at the games!...