w Page 4710 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chase Utley's Inside-The-Park Homer Is Better Than Anything That Happened In Your Game Tonight
The best part (or worst, if you're a Braves or Mets fan) of all of this is just how excited the crowd, and the announcer, gets. It's late in the game. Philly's already up 5-1, over the Giants, whose 3.62 runs scored per game is the worst among all division leaders. Philly's also got the NL East sa...

Brian Orakpo Is A Company Man, Although He Probably Shouldn't Be
Brian Orakpo can't quite find the words he's looking for. But the words he did give us help explain why the players didn't get more in the just-ended labor standoff....

Alex Morgan Can Score Exciting Goals After The World Cup, Too
This comes from something called Women's Professional Soccer, where Morgan and other members of the USWNT toil in obscurity during the four inter-Cup years. She's on the Western New York Flash—just like Marta, the Brazilian striker, our brief public enemy—and here, on Sunday, she scores while faci...

This Evening: Alexander Ovechkin Is Really Overdressed For This Summer Weather
Your p.m. roundup for July 26, the day we passed on ordering pink beer. H/T to Ian for the photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Where NFL Rumors Are Born, Pat Devlin Is In The Details
We got an email last night from "prism" with the subject line: How Sports Media Blows, and it was a series of links in chronological order....

Jeff Saturday On Hugging It Out
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Colts and Patriots, sitting in a tree....

Pac-12 Releases A Highfalutin Hype Video That Arizona State Students Won't Be Able To Understand
We've provided here the full transcription of the purplest and most thesaurus-dependent prose to ever grace a promotional video for a college football conference. College football is back, you guys. Let me rephrase that: college football is back with "an avant garde redesign of the competitive bal...

To Hell With Turkish Basketball, Kevin Love Wants To Play Beach Volleyball For Jose Cuervo
While most locked out NBA players eye basketball opportunities overseas, one man stands apart as a true patriot. His name is Kevin Love. And Kevin Love loves America. Or, rather, Kevin Love loves NAFTA. According to Darren Rovell, Love has signed an endorsement deal with the Jose Cuervo tequileria a...

The Bengals Invite Carson Palmer To Retire
Back in January, former No. 1 draft pick Carson Palmer informed the Cincinnati Bengals that he would "contemplate retirement" if ownership refused to honor his request for a trade. At a press conference today, Bengals owner Mike Brown invited him to begin his contemplation:...

The Incomparable Ichiro Swings Through
Two surefire Hall of Famers played in the Bronx last night. One is having the worst season of his career at 37 years old, hitting nearly 60 points off his lifetime average, and still getting paid $17 million. The other one is Derek Jeter....

Guess Who Arrived First For Broncos Practice Today?
At 8:01 this morning: "Tim Tebow. Of course." [@AdamSchefter]...

The Sucker Karate Kick Is Much More Evil Than The Sucker Punch
After a third-round game in a U-20 soccer tournament in Minas Gerais, Brasil on Monday, the players brawled. That brawl suddenly ended, however, when Sport Recife goalkeeper Gustavo karate-kicked Vasco da Gama's Elivelton directly in his neck from behind and with no warning....

Michael "Cy" Cuddyer Was The Twins' Best Pitcher Last Night
I think it's safe and hyperbole-free to say there's nothing we enjoy more in professional sports than when a position player has to come on to pitch. There's always a mix of emotions - the game's already a blowout, so most players just want to get it over with and go home. But for the spot relieve...

R.A. Dickey Totally Just Almost Ate His Boogers
Your morning roundup for July 26, the day we woke up alive after a night in a morgue. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

A Special Announcement From Deadspin's Distinguished Dongbudsman About Ron Artest
Greetings, dong-centric readers of Deadspin. Earlier today, we published two stories pertaining to NBA player Ron Artest, soon to be known as Metta World Peace, and his interactions with a young woman through numerous libidinous SMS messages from May of this year. So far, we've only published censor...

Nixon's Nightmare Was Brought To Life At The White House Today
The world champion San Francisco Giants, accompanied by Willie Mays, visited the White House today, in all their scraggly, bearded glory. President Obama made jokes about Brian Wilson's beard ("I do fear it"), his attire ("Now underneath Brian's beard, and the spandex tuxedo, and the sea captain cos...

This Evening: Keep It Down, Please. Ron Jeremy Is Trying To Sleep At A Bar In New Orleans
Your p.m. roundup for July 25, the day we took the kids to summer camp in a private jet. H/T to Jared for the photo, which was taken over the weekend at NOLA's Carousel Bar at the Hotel Monteleone. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

FIFA Whistleblower Chuck Blazer Is Too Fat To Fit In Town Cars, Has "Trousered" Millions From International Soccer
Remember Chuck Blazer? He's the American FIFA executive who posts pictures of himself wearing boring Halloween costumes and posing with his pet parrot Max, as if cutesy snapshots might convince us that a Santa Claus imposter isn't as scummy as everyone else attached to FIFA....

Rex Ryan Couldn't Wait To Boost And/Or Undermine Mark Sanchez
There's going to be football after all, which means there will be the New York Jets, which means it's time for people to start worrying and wondering about Mark Sanchez again. What can we expect this year from the young fellow who inherited the title of "New York football hero," scare quotes very mu...

Spencer Hawes Honors The Seattle SuperSonics With A Terrible Haircut
The people of Seattle will go to great lengths to honor their former team. They will heckle billionaires. They will refuse free, courtside seats to the NBA playoffs. And they will shave an outline of the Seattle Space Needle into the backs of their heads....