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The Week In Deadspin
A selection of stories from the week we were seriously not confident....

Tim Donaghy On Game 2: The Trouble With Subjectivity
As he did for us last year, Tim Donaghy, a contributing writer for The Sports Connection (www.DannyB.info) and a former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, will review the performance of his former colleagues during the NBA Finals. Here's a quarte...

No, Wait, Maybe <i>This</i> Is The Worst Thing Ever To Come Out Of Boston
Reader Jeremy took issue with our description of this morning's Bruins/Ke$ha abortion, and sent along this Stygian nightmare. Did you know the Patriots had a musical response to the "Super Bowl Shuffle?" Now you do....

John Buccigross Just Mistakenly And Fittingly Called Wilt Chamberlain The "Big Dick" On Air
John Buccigross, Fire Joe Morgan's most ardent fan, bequeathed his own gift to the site on SportsCenter this afternoon. He quickly corrected himself for the factual error....

How Ford Builds The Greatest Track Day Mustang Ever
Today Jalopnik toured Ford's Flat Rock assembly plant for the BOSS 302S Mustang, the new man-of-the-track version of the Boss 302, a car they called "the best Mustang ever." Manufacturing porn is so hot. [Jalopnik]...

Beer In The Stanley Cup Looks Like Piss: More From The Patrick Kane Collection
Would you believe it's been a year, to the week, of the Blackhawks capturing the most famous trophy in all of professional sports? To remind you what Vancouver and Boston are playing for, here are a couple new photos from Patrick Kane's time with the Stanley Cup. ...

Donnie Walsh Out As Knicks Prez, Fans Begin Zeke Freakout
If you are a Knicks fan who flew into a panic earlier this year while reading about Isiah Thomas's secret influence on the team's operations, then this news is bad for you and your vital organs. Walsh is stepping down at month's end, after three years in charge, owner James Dolan tells the media....
![Here Is A Tattoo In Which A Penis Leaking Semen Spells Out The Name Jezebel [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4z4f71coyqjpg.jpg)
Here Is A Tattoo In Which A Penis Leaking Semen Spells Out The Name Jezebel [NSFW]
Happy Friday morning, everyone! You know what? We suspect this young lady might like dick! In fact, you get the idea she is really jizz-er, jazzed about shlongs! And proud of that fact. Cocky, even. Let your slut flag fly, girl! [Jezebel]...

This Is The Worst Thing Ever To Come Out Of Boston
[h/t and blame Puck Daddy for this one]...

How The Heat Lost (Dirk) And Why (This Guy's Uggs)
Your morning roundup for June 3, the day John Edwards learns that on-the-side diddling most certainly doesn't pay. (Photo via @MaZe1eR)...

There's No Question That Dirk Nowitzki's Fickle Fingers Are Getting ESPN Hot And Bothered
A legion of tipsters have dutifully sent in one of two screengrabs from ESPN's homepage this evening. As you can well see, one references fingering while the other goes down the perilous tip-insertion road....

This Has To Be One Of The Best Police Sketches In Art History
Make fun of La Eace's artistry all you want. That's fine. Immature, but fine. Just ask yourself first: Would anybody who's ever seen that chap not recognize him instantly, thus saving the 75-year-old woman who was "abducted in broad daylight from a busy open-air shopping mall parking lot" in Crestv...

I've Been Staring At This Bizarre Photo For Almost A Minute And I Still Haven't Blinked (NSFW?)
For whatever reason, a reader named "Adem" sent this pic in an email without any logical explanation. So I leave it up to you people to figure out the sad, mysterious backstory of this screen-capture from what appears to be some sort of hostage situation at an S & M dungeon filled with fast food em...

Tiny Child Inspires Us To Get Up Off Our Asses To Pwactice Widing A Bike
With the way cynicism travels through generations these days, we'll give him about six to eight years before he realizes that compared to the rest of life, riding a bike isn't really a big deal at all. But my god, what good cheer! Consider this cold heart (especially from someone who also struggle...

Watch This Heroic Linesman Valiantly Try To Keep The Portland Timbers Undefeated At Home
Despite the best efforts of its alcoholic fans and a possibly drunk linesman, the Portland Timbers finally lost at home this past weekend. For a while, though, it looked like Portland might steal a victory from visiting DC United. That was because the refereeing crew seemed determined to give the ...

A Brief Interview With An Ohio State Fan Who Named His Kid "Tressel"
Andy Tomcho is a Cleveland native, former Ohio State student, and die-hard Buckeyes fan who, upon the arrival of his first-born son, graced him with the only name that made sense: Tressel Andrew Tomcho. Named, of course, for deified OSU football coach Jim Tressel. This was nearly two years ago, far ...

Big Ten AD Not Named Gene Smith Says You Can Win Without Cheating
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Gene Smith's job is safe. Barry Alvarez takes a stand....

Dirk Nowitzki Is Probably The Only White NBA Player That Two-Thirds Of The Nation Can't Recognize By Name
Dirk Nowitzki is a former league MVP and ten-time All-Star, he's twenty-third amongst the NBA's all-time scoring leaders (third for active players, with 22,792 career points), and he has the waviest wave of any player in the pros. But his name is foreign and his incessant gape doesn't look very good...

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 4,397
New blue blood/great white hope beats painkiller addiction, but still ends up with a lumpy tumor on his brain that may require radiation treatment to destroy it. Still, his outlook is serenely positive: "If you deny the fact that things are happening to you, that this is going on, whether it's negat...

Braves Reliever Peter Moylan Is Ready To Strut
Moylan tweeted a photo of his fiancée in the dress she planned on wearing to the ESPYs. Then he, uh, tweeted a photo of himself ("Thanks for the feedback! I was gonna wear this!! What do u think?") in a dress that showed more tattoos and cleavage than did his fiancée's....