w Page 4792 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NHL Hall-Of-Famer Gets A Little Handsy
Paul Coffey misses the camaraderie of the NHL. We really hope that's the explanation for this....
We Are All Dave McKenna V
Presenting, once again, Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we will be linking daily until Snyder's dumbass lawsuit gets laughed out of court. Today's topics: Baja Fresh, propaganda, and Dan Snyder being a petulant shit....
How That Absurd Jon Gruden-To-Philly Rumor Got Started
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: blame Kyle Eckel's Facebook page....
The Somewhat Romantic Story Of Mark Sanchez And A 17-Year-Old Girl
This is a story about a famous quarterback's courtship of a 17-year-old girl and the girl's conflicting emotions about fame. No one committed any crimes, as far as we know. It's perfectly legal for the New York Jets' Mark Sanchez to date a 17-year-old girl. He can do it in Manhattan. He can do it at...
There Is An Army Of Senior Citizens Spying On Kansas Athletes
A volunteer army, with code names like "Red Dog," roams the halls of KU, making sure the athletes actually attend class. Don't fuck with them. They lived through The Big One....
A-Rod Gets Upset Over Popcorn Shot In Most A-Rod Way Possible
Believe it or not, Alex Rodriguez reportedly "went ballistic" after finding out that Fox ran this loving moment with girlfriend Cameron Diaz during the Super Bowl. He accused the cameraman of being "out to get them in a paparazzi-like shot," which, according to Bill Zwecker's source, is crazy becaus...
Iowa City Arsonist Witness Looks Remarkably Similar To The GEICO Caveman Guy
Police in Iowa City, Iowa are on the hunt for an arsonist who allegedly burnt down an apartment building a week ago. As a few tipsters have shrewdly pointed out, the prime witness in the investigation, and the possible suspect, bears a striking resemblance to the caveman from those awful GEICO comme...
Michael Vick Gets Key To Dallas, Shit From Owner Of His Former Pit Bull
Michael Vick had a long week in Dallas. At first, he was maybe hosting a party with a SWAT team and its own trailer that eventually got called off and that he had "no intention of participating" in anyway. Luckily, Vick's personal mentor Tony Dungy canceled the party....
Human Knees Do Not Bend That Way
Your morning roundup for Feb. 8, the day we were shanked to death by our own cock....
If Tiger Woods Can't Sell Bedding, No One Can
From India of all places comes this mattress ad, promising that a little destroyed career isn't anything you'll lose sleep over. To paraphrase the old 1-800-Mattress commercials, leave off the last "S" for sluts....
Christina Aguilera Is An Anti-American Slut, According To Pro-American Internet Commenters
"I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place," Aguilera has explained about last night's blunder. "I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through." Sure, fair enough. Now let's check in with Real Ameri...
A Comprehensive Guide To That NFL Commercial With All The TV Characters
One of the best ads on last night's broadcast was for the NFL itself, in which they digitally inserted jerseys and logos into TV clips of yore. But the cuts were too quick to fully appreciate. Here's an annotated guide to the fake people inside your television, and their allegiances....
Bob Kraft Still Doesn't Want To Talk About Spygate
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: some folks, like Roger Goodell, just won't let Spygate die....
Guns N' Peas Is Where The Trajectory Of Man Began Its Steady Decline
So the Black Eyed Peas covered "Sweet Child O Mine" at the Super Bowl last night, with Slash helping out on guitar. First of all, FUCK YOU SLASH. You just spent the last bit of goodwill you earned from NOT being Axl. Secondly, the journey to our eventual self-extinction has begun....
Counterpoint: But People Look Really Sad When They Can't Get Their Super Bowl Seats
This young cheesehead cried (video here, H/T reader Patrick) when he, along with 399 others, could not get into last night's Super Bowl. He cries for the others, young and old, left out in the Arlington cold. They will leave Super Bowl XLV with $2,400, tickets to next year's Super Bowl, and nothing...
Point: Those Fans Without Seats Are Being Whiny Babies
About 1250 fans ticketed for temporary seating areas found out before the game that, oops, the seats declared unsafe by the fire marshal. The NFL took good care of them though, to the point where the other 102,000 fans at the game ought to be jealous....
Professional Sports Leagues Spark Twitter Feud Over What Season It Is
Last night, minutes after the Green Bay Packers had won the XLVth Super Bowl, the MLB employed tweeter released a simple tweet into the universe: "Baseball." The NBA employed tweeter did not agree with this sentiment....
We Are All Dave McKenna IV
Here, once again, is Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we will be linking daily until Snyder's dumbass lawsuit gets tossed. Today's topics: vanilla ice cream, literalized metaphors, and Dan Snyder being a petulant shit....
Your Super Bowl XLV Morning After
There was a football game on yesterday; perhaps you watched it. Perhaps you didn't! We're not here to judge. But either way, there are some thing you're going to need to know for you to face the disapproving glares of your families and coworkers....
A-Rod Eats Popcorn In The Most A-Rod Way Possible
One of the first half highlight of Super Bowl XLV, besides Ben Roethlisberger throwing two picks, has been this random four-second cutaway to A-Rod and Cameron Diaz — just eatin' some popcorn in their luxury seats....