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Your Culturally Insensitive World Cup Goal Roundup Of The Day (Video)
Two games today, two goals. Both of them in the first game. Bafana Bafana's Siphiwe Tshabalala knocked in a real beaut at the 55-minute mark, but Mexico's Rafael Marquez nailed the equalizer in the 79th. See, ties are fun....

Video Evidence That Maradona Still Knows How To Play
In amongst the fog created by the stone cold fact that, as a manager, Maradona is as mad as a box of oranges, it appears that everyone's forgotten that he used to be pretty handy with a football....

Private Stache: Brawling In The Stands At The 1986 World Cup
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Patrick Kane: A Portrait In Inebriation
Via NBC Chicago, here's a compilation of Kaner during the Blackhawks' victory parade today in Chicago. Watch him chug champagne, catch crowd beers, drink from the Cup, and slur his speech with the moxie of a 10-year veteran. Video inside....

Deadspin Classic: The Tiny Plastic Horn That Will Ruin The World Cup
That terrible sound you'll be hearing over the next few weeks is the vuvuzela, which Dash described last year as "South Africa's answer to the Thunderstick." His story is below....

Tim Donaghy On Game 4: Just What The League Needed
Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, is reviewing the performance of his former colleagues during the NBA Finals. Here's a quarter-by-quarter breakdown of Game 4, with accompanying video....

Ten (Fake) Memories Of John Wooden (From Someone Who Never Met Him)
"Coach had these specially designed pants that had holes in the seat. He used to place false teeth in his buttocks and collect loose change from sofas while sitting and talking to parents on recruiting trips." Share your own below. [Johnny America]...

World Cup Open Thread: Uruguay-France
Uruguay and France meet on the pitch to finally settle which is the best way to dispose of dissidents in times of political upheaval: desaparecidos or le guillotine. Unrelated two cents: Desaparecidos was a badass band....

Ozzie Guillen, GM, "Almost Come To Blows"
The White Sox front office has been upgraded to DEFCON 2, after Guillen and Ken Williams nearly threw down during the MLB draft. The catalyst? The Sox waiting until the 22nd round to take Guillen's son....

Ever Wondered What Managers Are Saying When They Go Apeshit On The Ump?
This is old. Like, 3 years ago old. But as a deleted scene from the Playing For Peanuts documentary, this is the first time Wally Backman's tirade, performed while wearing a microphone, has seen the light of day. And it is superb....

Last Night's Winner: Boston's Sociopaths
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the inspired weirdos who populate the Celtics' roster and who, drooling and howling and pounding the floor, gave their team a very big victory last night....

Blackhawks Dealt With Pronger About As Maturely As Chicago Paper
The Tribune may have insinuated it, when they poorly photoshopped Chris Pronger's torso onto a skirt. But someone in the Blackhawks locker room went whole hog, writing "Pronger Is Gay" on their whiteboard....

World Cup Open Thread: Mexico-South Africa
South Africa kicks off its 2010 World Cup hosting duties against Mexico. Use this post for an open thread or head over to Guanabee for its liveblog....

Wait 'Til Next Year (When It Grows Out)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Soccer: The Liberal Plot To Destroy America
Does America have World Cup fever? Or does the liberal media just want America to contract this deadly plague, because—like socialized medicine and soft cheeses—it's a silent killer that weakens our nation from within?...

Military's "Super Underwear" Will Save Your Butt
Scientists have developed some sort of electronic underoos that will be able to identify and heal injuries while you're wearing them. The genius behind this breakthrough? You guessed it: Nano-engineering professor Joseph Wang. [Reuters]...

Adam Burish Takes High Road, Offers To Punch Chris Pronger One More Time
Chicago may have ended their ridiculous Stanley Cup drought on Philly's home ice, but apparently that's no reason to be magnanimous. Celebration or no celebration, there's always time to remind people that Chris Pronger is a bit of a jerk....

Dear Roenick: It's OK, Let It Out
Jeremy Roenick is a 40-year-old man. He was one of the NHL's best players during one of the NHL's least enjoyable periods. Last night, he cried on national TV. It's really fine that he did....

Blackhawks Celebrate Cup Win With 8AM Trip To Chicago Bar (MORE UPDATES)
The Hawks arrived back in Chicago today and, like all good hockey heroes, took the Cup to northside bar The Pony Inn around the time you were leaving for work....

How To Decide Who To Root For In The World Cup
Are you still hemming and hawing over who to root for in the World Cup? Spencer Hall has you covered with his World Cup Likability Rankings. So read through and coordinate in the comments. I'm thinking Slovakia. [SBNation]...