w Page 4909 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's A Photo Of The Seattle Mariners Streaker In The Loving Grasp Of Three Committed Security Guards
On a night when Chone Figgins lowered the price of Widmer beer at one Seattle bar to $1.97 (0-5 in the Mariners win over the Yankees), a streaker was the third of four fans to run on the field. He apparently took a shine to Derek Jeter in the eighth inning but the shortstop declined his advances. F...

FC Barcelona Proved They Were The Best Team In All Of Professional Sports Yesterday
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day Roger Ebert inexplicably gave two thumbs down to those who blatantly allowed two eyes to check out two foreign boobs....

Chone Figgins's Low Batting Average Helps People Get Drunker, Cheaper
Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down....

Heat Fan Uses Windowless Van To Call Out "Sixters" Fans, Haters In General (Update)
It would be easy to quibble with the fact that brunch comes before lunch in general order of meals eaten, but art is subjective and best when open to multiple interpretations. Translation: this artist might have been layering in a message by not putting the Celtics before the Bulls....

Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....

This Memorial Day Weekend, Don't Forget To Prepare For The Penis Inspector
As far as we know, this isn't real. Carlmont High (Calif.) students don't have to "ensure that their penises are clean and orderly," nor do they have to procure a friend's pubes if they have trimmed their own. It's a senior prank, and a well-executed one at that....

The Week In Deadspin
A selection of stories from the week we caught horse herpes....

Pete Rose Doesn't Want To Be Dead Before He Gets Into The Hall Of Fame
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Pete sounds a little desperate....

The Miami Heat Appear To Have Messed Up the <em>Gears of War 3</em> Hype Train
LeBron James, first you upset the people of Cleveland by abandoning their basketball team. Now you've helped the Miami Heat beat the Chicago Bulls in five games, closing the series out last night with an 83-80 victory. That means there's… [Kotaku] ...

Mets Manager Just As Dumb As Mets Owners, Carlos Beltran Is His Whore
Any of you know what the hell this means? Backward, defeatist: these are your New York Mets, with their fearless skipper leading the charge....

Here's The Video Where LeBron James Takes Flopping To Heretofore Unseen Levels
Your morning roundup for May 27, the day it helps to have a background in mathematics if you want to work for Pauly Shore. Video H/T Allen W...

After Hooligan Runs On Pitch And Punches Goalie, Hooligan's Parents Worry About Vigilante Justice
Ever since their 18-year-old son stormed the pitch during a Malmö and Helsingborg match Tuesday because he was "pissed off" enough to attack goalkeeper Pär Hansson, a pair of Swedish parents have fielded quite a few threats. So, they wrote an open letter to the local paper. Their message?...

Here's Video Of Brett Favre Throwing A Little White Ball Hard In A Town Called Pearl
There's a place where Brett Favre is still adored and revered and considered a legend worthy of a standing ovation. So, of course he went there. Even threw out the first pitch of the Southern Miss Golden Eagles/Tulane game in the Conference USA Tournament "at the T.P."...

And Here's A Brutal Hurdle Fall To End The Workday
Before you click play, know that she goes down on the final hurdle. The anticipation will be dreadful....

This Gaming Geek Shall Inherit <em>MLB 2K11</em>'s Million-Dollar Prize
Before setting off to claim a million-dollar bounty offered by MLB 2K11, Brian Kingrey did an analysis. He pored over batting averages, compared pitcher strengths and tendencies, examined the probable starters for the contest's opening day and the batting orders… [Kotaku] ...

Look, Someone Asked Tim Hardaway About Joakim Noah's Potty Mouth
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Hardaway minces words....

The Gawker Guide To Summer Movies
With the arrival of Memorial Day, we can finally celebrate the start of the summer season. Forget going to the beach or playing frisbee. Summer means big, loud, banging movies! Let's take a look at this year's offerings. [Gawker]...

We Are All Dave McKenna CXI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit runs out of ways to die in this space....

47 Of Maria Sharapova's Grunts In Her Second-Round French Open Win
Maria Sharapova faced Caroline Garcia, a 17-year-old French up-and-comer, in the second round of the French Open today. Garcia took the first set and led 4-1 until midway through the second, when Sharapova took 11 straight games to win, 3-6, 6-4, 6-0. Sharapova's known for her grunting, of course;...

Only A Jets Fan Keeps Vince Lombardi's Grave From Being A Neglected Embarrassment
Vince Lombardi was buried with his wife and parents in a little cemetery in Northern New Jersey. Almost immediately, it was abandoned to the elements....