w Page 5020 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Real Reason Michael Phelps Won't Meet With the Pope
It's not because he got high (as we all know, the Pope smokes dope). The reason famous fish-person Michael Phelps won't meet with the Nazi Pope is buried deep in his family history, as revealed on his Wikipedia page....
Finally, a No-Hassle Way to Receive Semen From a Dude That Looks Like This
What mother wouldn't want a puffy, bloated, thick-necked bouncing baby boy? Thanks to a sperm bank in Los Angeles, you can make your dream of birthing Ben Roethlisberger's baby without sleeping with Ben Roethlisberger come true....
If You Want a Ride In James Harrison's Smart Car, Ask For a Ride in James Harrison's Smart Car When He Hasn't Won the Super Bowl
James Harrison, who is reportedly afraid of one perfectly dignified method of transportation, showed up to training camp in in a tiny German clown car. He is driving it for the children!...
MORE BREAKING: Blogger Has Crush On Tim Tebow
This day was chock full of Tebow news, huh? Some of it was even covered on the definitive internet address for Tebowniacs, TimTeblog.com. I'll give you one guess who is behind TimTeblog and his name rhymes with Shan Danoff....
What I've Learned
"Just a reminder, Ben Cohen is Deadspin's summer intern," A.J. wrote in May. "His time at Deadspin... is part of his educational and life experience. So consider yourselves all mentors." Well, I thought then, this should be fairly catastrophic....
MLB Deadline Deals: Everyone Must Go
Victor Martinez to Boston, Peavy to White Sox (coughshoulderinjurycough) Washburn to Tigers (huzzah!), Orlando Cabrera to Minnesota, Scott Rolen to the Reds for some unknown reason, and Roy Halladay isn't going anywhere. Was it good for you too? [MLB.com]...
Why Your Stadium Sucks: U.S. Cellular Field
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Chicago White Sox's U.S. Cellular Field....
9 Days Is A Long Time To Hold A Grudge
"N.Y. Post sports writers have been told they are welcome to return to ESPN television and radio programs, effective immediately." [Watchdog/DeitschTwitter]...
Where In The World Was Matthew Stafford?
We asked where these photos of Matthew Stafford's summer vacation were taken, and boy, did we get some answers. It's just too bad they all contradicted each other....
The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd Complaints
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....
July: <i>Fin.</i>
We produce a lot of posts every month. Most of them disappear quickly. Some of them don't. Here are the 10 most popular posts from June July, starting with No. 10....
American Sports Need More PowerPoint Presentations
Michael Owen—remember the "Michael Jordan of soccer" talk?—put together a 32-page brochure about his accomplishments and handsomeness to try and convince teams to give him a contract. Nothing says "dangerous goal scorer" quite like bar graphs! [DailyMirror/Decleater]...
ESPN Dresses Subjects In Electrodes To Measure "Arousal"
At tWWL's lab, focus groups decked out in wires watch ESPN and researchers monitor their eye movements, heart rate and skin conductivity. Sounds like torture! Testers are supposed to be anonymous, but if you want to blow the whistle... [USAToday]...
Your Weekly Throwgasm Breakdown: Pistachios, Apatow, Simmons, and Bees!
The week's ending. You need shit to do. Well, fear not. For I have compiled a list of worthy activities and/or ingestible chemicals to help you entertain yourself....
BREAKING: The Only Thing Not Perfect About Tim Tebow Is His Vision
The Tebow is nearsighted. He just got glasses before the ESPYs, but does not wear (or were) them during the football. No contacts, either. Yet, somehow he throws many, many touchdowns! HOW DOES HE DO IT? [Gainesville Sun]...
In Which We Drink In The Hilarious Naivete Of Red Sox Nation
Michael Schur (aka Ken Tremendous) is smarter and funnier than I'll ever be. That's why I was floored yesterday to see him post this on Twitter:...
And Why Does A San Francisco Gallery Have A Nude Photo Of Joe DiMaggio On Display?
Great question. Taken around 1940, The Daily Beast informs us that the rare (NSFW) photo "reveals the naked Yankee slugger soaking wet and grinning happily." I think Joe D needs a new nickname. Please help. [TheDailyBeast]...
Rudy Gay Loves His Hamburgers
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Odd Foreigner Chooses Fruity Little Tattoo Over Reebok Deal
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Starbury's Figurative Train Wreck Becomes A Literal Car Crash
We knew they shouldn't have let him outside. At the 1:45 mark, Stephon's car appears to jump the curb, or maybe run over an old lady. But "don't worry about it. It ain't nothin' but the Devil." [H/T reader Brian]...