war Page 204 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Harry Potter Versus Star Wars: The Final Judgment
The final Harry Potter movie opens up this week, and all week long people have been saying "goodbye" to the franchise. Lots of crying in your butterbeer and all that....
Ryan Howard's RBI Total Does Not Make Him The Greatest Baseball Player In The Universe, Bill Conlin
Bill Conlin wrote something dumb today. In other news, the sun rose in the east. But we're not going to go after Bill Conlin, because it's been done. Instead we're going to try and put in the simplest terms possible why he and anyone else rejecting advanced statistics out of hand are being willfully...
Hines Ward's Manager: "The Facts Will Show That Hines Was NOT Impaired By Alcohol While Driving"
Remember that whole "Here's Hines Ward's Mug Shot" thing from this morning? Yeah, well Hines's people want you to just forget about all that....
Here's Hines Ward's Mug Shot
As mentioned earlier, Pittsburgh Steelers WR/Dance Machine Hines Ward was arrested on DUI charges in Georgia overnight. This photo was released by the Dekalb County Sheriff's Office. He was booked at 3:41 a.m. and released shortly thereafter on $1,000 bond....
Oh Look, There Was Another Brawl At The D.C. Caribbean Carnival (Somewhat NSFW)
As opposed to the video posted, like, an hour ago, this brawl does not involve calls for titties. Rather, this "cArabian festival" footage drives home the point that, "If you're not on Howard University right now, you're not doing nothing." Fair enough....
With NBA Lockout Looming, Gilbert Arenas And Dwight Howard Start Planking
Perhaps you are familiar with planking, one of those odd fads forced upon us by Australians. (Just like Hugh Jackman!) One planks by lying completely flat on an odd surface and then photographing it....
Today In Sad Pittsburgh Headlines
Pittsburgh to honor Ward's 'Dancing' win on Thursday: "The city of Pittsburgh will hold a rally at noon Thursday to honor Hines Ward's victory in ABC-TV's 'Dancing with the Stars' competition." [Post-Gazette]...
Ritually Edgy T-Shirts Prompt Ritual Coverage Of Ritually Outraged Criticism
The Associated Press reports that the dry-goods sales-and-marketing company Nike has provoked a reaction by selling t-shirts designed to provoke a reaction. The shirts include "the phrases 'Dope,' 'Get High' and 'Ride Pipe,'" the AP reports....
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Ruin NHL Awards With Confident, Butchered Pronunciation
Real Housewives Camille Grammer—Kelsey's ex—and Adrienne Maloof—sister of those bankrupt rich man-children who allegedly own the Sacramento Kings—presented the Lady Byng Trophy to Tampa Bay Lightning right wing Martin St. Louis at Wednesday's NHL Awards show. St. Louis is a six-time All-Star, he w...
Something Of A Geek, Evan Scribner Is
Evan Scribner, pitcher for the Tampa Bay Rays Padres, has a Yoda backpack that makes it look as if he is giving Yoda a piggy-back ride. At some point in the last few years, we reached a cultural juncture at which this could either make Scribner a nerd or a hipster. I'm not sure that he's either, but...
Four Last-Minute Delusions Around The NBA Draft
Basketball Has A Bright Future In The Garden State: Oh, Newark. Newark. The Nets got tired of looking at New Jersey, filed for divorce, and moved out of the Meadowlands. Brooklyn is so much richer, more sophisticated-it's just a better match. Don't you want the Nets to be happy? Oh, but Brooklyn's p...
Tennis Rallies Look Awesome When They're Made Of Racket String
We're a bit late on Richard Swarbrick's latest animation: This one, unlike the other work we've seen from him, is appropriately Wimbledon-themed. But it's still worth sharing: he took a single point from a single Wimbledon match and recreated it using racket strings. Of course he did! Swarbrick's ...
Daniel Sedin Wins The Important Hardware: A Broken Trophy
The NHL awards were last night; we didn't watch. (Mostly a Jay Mohr thing.) So we couldn't tell you what outfit the readers of Seventeen picked out for Jeff Skinner, or if the pointless Jennings Trophy was handed beforehand, like the technical Oscars....
Jay Mohr And That Wretched "Like A G6" Band Will Perform At The NHL Awards Tonight, Everybody
Here is a list of the non-hockey stars—"some of the biggest names in Hollywood"—the NHL will have on hand tonight for its Las Vegas awards ceremony (7 p.m., Versus): Jon Hamm, Jerry Bruckheimer, Kevin Smith, Jennifer Beals. OK, if not quite A-list, definitely a list. Unfortunately, they accompany re...
Jack Warner Still Finds A Way To Get Paid By A Pathetic FIFA
The former FIFA VP always maintained his innocence in an election bribery scandal, swearing he was the target of an American witch hunt and "would be fully exonerated by any objective arbiter." So then why quit?...
Dwight Howard Stole Rihanna's Hair For This Surreal Spanish Talk Show Appearance
Dwight Howard went on the Spanish talk show El Hormiguero this week, for some unknown reason. For other unknown reasons — Dalí, quizás? — he arrived in a red wig and attempted to put on a tiny T-shirt. We'd rather not know the details here. There's much more of this to sit through, if you care to,...
NBC Apologizes For Not Baiting Commies Or Something
NBC ran a pretaped segment before the final round at Congressional yesterday in which some soldiers saluted and a bunch of kids recited the pledge and a handful of monuments hulked above the D.C. skyline in a way that suggested that someone in the editing room knows his Leni Riefenstahl. The whole...
Watch The Marlins Catcher Successfully Throw The Ball At Shane Victorino's Head
Your morning roundup for June 18, the day "propaganda vans touted the importance of stability" in the Jeans Capital of China. (Video H/T, Jimmy Greek)...
David Tyree Makes An "It Gets Worse" Video
"Two men will never be able to show a woman how to be a woman," says David Tyree, by way of explaining his decision to go on the record against gay marriage. Tyree was raised in an all-female household after his parents divorced when he was one year old, and the lack of male role models caused him...
Minnesota Twins Disrespect Lesbian Love And God's Law
Kelsi Culpepper and Taylor Campione, a same-sex couple from Minneapolis, are filing a complaint with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights after a Target Field security guard rebuked them for kissing at a Twins-Angels game last month. City Pages reported:...