we Page 291 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tony Romo's Retirement Means The Texans Are Basically Fucked
Now that Tony Romo’s going to be Jim Nantz’s wingman, the real question left wafting in the air is this: What the hell are the Houston Texans going to do?...
Trump Conspiracy Tweetstorms Are The Infowars Of The Left
The fastest-growing career in America is not, as the Bureau of Labor Statistics would have you believe, in installing and repairing wind turbines. The fastest-growing career is doing 63 tweets in a row about why Donald Trump is a Manchurian president....
Idiot On The Field Steals Tom Brady's Jersey
A few of the Patriots showed up with their Lombardi Trophy for Red Sox opening day, and overactive galoot Rob Gronkowski had fun with quarterback Tom Brady by nabbing his recently recovered Super Bowl jersey. ...
Here's Arsène Wenger Physically Embodying The Despair Of Arsenal's Season
Watch this video of an anguished Arsène Wenger as he looks upon his charges while they conspire to throw away the work they’d done just moments earlier to get back on level terms with Manchester City. Wenger sees Mesut Özil cough the ball up, watches City carve up Arsenal’s back line with ease, and ...
The Undertaker Leaves The Ring For (Probably) The Last Time
Rumors—and common sense, given that he’s 52 years old—suggested The Undertaker’s final appearance for WWE would be at tonight’s Wrestlemania in Orlando. And so it seems, as the Deadman stripped himself of gloves, cloak, and hat while breaking kayfabe to kiss his wife upon leaving the ring following ...
The Hardys Are Back
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Gronk "Fights Off Security" To Invade Ring And Beat Up <i>Wrestlemania</i> Battle Royal Opponent
Rob Gronkowski turned up at tonight’s Wrestlemania in Orlando in support of buddy Mojo Rawley to help bust up some bad guys en route to Rawley’s win in the Andre the Giant memorial battle royal....
Brewers Reliever Sent To Triple-A: I'd Rather Have "A 9-To-5 Job Where I Get Treated Like A Human"<em></em>
After six years in the Brewers’ minor-league system, Tyler Cravy made his debut in the big leagues in 2015. It didn’t go especially well, and neither did his return last year. But the 27-year-old clearly thought he was sticking around after a decently strong spring training, with a 2.03 ERA over 11 ...
Diminutive Tennis Player's Entertaining Hot Streak Ends With ACL Tear<em></em>
If you were to flesh out the cohort of the next generation of tennis, the first few picks would be easy: Nick Kyrgios and Alexander Zverev are the sure shots; Dominic Thiem and Lucas Pouille are a little older but have got to be in the mix; and from the U.S. there’s Jack Sock and hopefully Frances ...
The Best Thing About This Year's WrestleMania Is A Brutally Personal Reality-TV Feud
This Sunday’s WrestleMania is not your father’s, which is both the sort of thing World Wrestling Entertainment would say to promote it and true—if not quite in the way they would like you to think....
Reporter Embarrasses Himself And America At Bastian Schweinsteiger Press Conference
As an American soccer fan, this video of an oblivious reporter quite confidently asking Bastian Schweinsteiger, new to MLS’s Chicago Fire, whether Chicago can be expected to win the goddamn World Cup is almost too painful to sit through....
Triple-Double King Russell Westbrook Crafts His Masterpiece
In case you were skeptical about Russell Westbrook’s MVP bona fides, consider tonight’s one-man destruction of the Orlando Magic....
Teen Girls Are Now Having Hobbyhorse Competitions And That's Fine
If you’re still coming to terms with the fact that people run around with brooms between their legs and call it quidditch, you might want to sit down for this next bit of news: Teens in Finland are participating in equestrian events on hobbyhorses, and they are taking these events very seriously....
Vital Cultural Activity Of Our Era Is Not Music But Rather Something I Still Participate In, Says Old Guy
“Food is the new music” is a good phrase to memorize for when you get too old to really go to a lot of concerts any more, because that shit happens very late at night....
Roger Goodell Is Finally Going Back To Foxborough
The last time that Roger Goodell attended a Patriots home game was New England’s 2015 AFC Championship Game victory over the Colts, which has since gone down in infamy as the fateful night that kicked off the never-ending Ballghazi scandal. A quick recap: After discovering that the Patriots may hav...
Russell Westbrook Did It All In Thunder's Fourth-Quarter Comeback Win
The Oklahoma City Thunder went on a 14-0 fourth-quarter run to beat the Dallas Mavericks on Monday night, 92-91. Human lightning bolt Russell Westbrook scored 12 of those 14 points—including the game-winner with seven seconds left....
Paul Heyman Says Kaddish In Preparation For Goldberg's Death At Brock Lesnar's Hands
Paul Heyman’s WWE Raw appearances remain the best reason to tune into pro wrestling on Monday nights, and the longtime Brock Lesnar valet tonight previewed a presumed imminent death for rival Goldberg at Sunday’s Wrestlemania by saying Kaddish....
Columbus, Ohio Viewers Miss Entire Kentucky-UNC Finish Due To Tornado Warning
Columbus, Ohio CBS station WBNS went black for six minutes as its weather staff delivered ominous news of a tornado warning in Franklin and Madison counties. Those six minutes just happened to encompass the entirety of Malik Monk’s three to tie it up, and Luke Maye’s eventual winner for UNC (as well...
Here's A Good Idea: Curling, But With Cars
Have you ever watched curling and thought, man, this is great, but what if the stones were replaced with Soviet-era cars? A Russian insurance agent has! Here is the debut of the resulting sport, from last week:...
Five-Hole Howler For Belarusian Keeper
Sweden is having an easy time of it against Belarus—the Swedes are up 4-0, at the moment—but Belarusian keeper Andrey Gorbunov isn’t helping things. Here’s Emil Forsberg knocking one in for Sweden’s second goal of the match—also completing a brace for the Leipzig man—right through Gorbunov’s wicket....