we Page 301 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Where Did Alabama Linebacker Tim Williams Get That Weed? He Got It From, Uh, Brandon Chicken
Alabama starting outside linebacker Tim Williams was arrested early Thursday morning for possessing a firearm without a permit. Were it not for the existence of Williams’s totally real and not-at-all imaginary friend, Brandon Chicken, he might have been hit with a drug charge, too....
Rex Ryan Posed As A Reporter To Ask Julian Edelman If He'd Be Playing QB
Who will quarterback the Patriots this weekend? Jacoby Brissett? Jimmy Garappolo? Julian Edelman? Everyone involved in this weekend’s Patriots-Bills game is interested in finding out, nobody more so than Bills coach Rex Ryan. So he performed some extremely simple subterfuge on a conference call with...
Aledmys Díaz Returns From José Fernández's Memorial, Smacks First Career Grand Slam
Cardinals shortstop Aledmys Díaz grew up on the same street as José Fernández in Santa Clara, Cuba, and the two players have been friends since their early childhoods. Fernández said that Diaz’s father and uncle helped get him started playing baseball, and their families are still close. The loss wa...
Tom Brady's Apparently Been Spending His Suspension Tanning His Butt
The New York Post just published a cool update on how Tom Brady’s been spending his Ballghazi suspension: tanning his large white ass in Italy....
Donald Trump Jr. Has Spent Years Fighting Twitter's Haters And Losers<em></em>
Twitter is full of idiots. Trolls, PC police, assholes, liberals—each one of them more infuriating than the last. And who, I ask, would be brave enough to tell these slobbering social justice warriors just how bad they really are if not for the wealthy and powerful children of celebrities? No one. T...
How The Hell Do The Patriots Do It?
Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels are rightly being universally praised for the game plan that resulted in last night’s complete ass whupping of the incompetent Texans. But the Patriots’ 3-0 start with a pair of inexperienced quarterbacks not named Tom Brady, and a total of 14 snaps with banged-up R...
Report: Jacoby Brissett Needs Surgery On His Thumb
New England Patriots quarterback Jacoby Brissett injured his thumb in Thursday’s game against the Houston Texans and will need surgery, according to Mike Petraglia of WEEI....
Mariners Catcher Steve Clevenger Suspended Without Pay For Tweets
The Seattle Mariners responded to backup catcher Steve Clevenger’s dogshit dumb tweets about protesters by suspending him without pay for the remaining 10 games of the season. Here is the relevant part of the statement released by general manager Jerry Dipoto:...
It's Time To Once Again Help Prove That Average Fans Are The Best Scouts In Baseball
One of the best off-field developments in baseball this year was MLB bringing in pseudonymous saberist Tom Tango to work with their Statcast data, the product of player-tracking technology that promises to unlock such mysteries of the game as the relative values of positioning and reaction time, and...
The Texans Were Tremendously Incompetent
The Patriots entered tonight’s game against the Texans as slight underdogs at home, despite a history of destroying Houston anytime they had a chance, especially at home. The Patriots were starting a rookie quarterback, the Texans came in hot at 2-0, and Gronk looked banged up, but the Patriots are ...
Don't Have Opinions About Other People's Underwear
Are your underwear emitting an odor of feces or stale urine or stagnant crotch-and-ass sweat that I can smell from a normal, respectful distance? Are you wearing some form of outer garment between your underwear and the outside world? Are you someone with whose underwear I may interact directly in t...
Here's A Truly Bonkers One-Handed Catch
Look at this catch, man. ...
Team North America Is Already Doing Cool Things (Update: They Can't Even Stop)
Hey! Go tell your boss to fuck off and put on North America/Sweden. Team USA is butt and already eliminated, but the U23 North Americans are so good and so fast and should be your favorite team unless you’re some weirdo from Canada....
We're Going Backwards On Racial Economic Equality
America’s devastating racial wealth gap is the clearest possible evidence of our nation’s racist history. If we ever want to deal with it, we have another problem to deal with first: the wages of black people are inexcusably low. And it’s getting worse. ...
Carson Wentz Sure Looks Legit
Carson Wentz won the second straight start of his professional career over the Bears tonight, 29-14. The Bears are no great foe (Pro Football Focus had their secondary as the second-worst in football), but Wentz led his offense this evening with rare composure for a neophyte. He threw for 190 yards,...
Report: The Browns Fired A Bunch Of Scouts Who Liked Carson Wentz
I do not know what the future holds for the careers of Jared Goff, Carson Wentz, or the buttload of draft picks the Browns received from Philadelphia for the rights to Wentz. I only know that Cleveland could desperately use a quarterback now and going forward, and that the Eagles firmly believe they...
It's Jacoby Brissett Time, I Guess
The New England Patriots had prepared to work around Tom Brady’s four-game suspension for the start of the season: Use Jimmy Garoppolo, err on the side of caution with anyone injured, and aim to scrape together a couple of wins. The team’s 2-0 after a 31-24 victory over the Miami Dolphins, but that ...
Lions And Titans Combine For 29 Penalties In A Battle Of The Inept
Today’s Titans-Lions game was a sloppy showing between two teams that seemed to have no self-discipline on the field....