whimsy Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Drunk Ump Passes Out On Field, Tries To Fight Medics, Is Arrested
A 49-year-old high school umpire, who witnesses say was "visibly under the influence," is in custody in an Illinois jail after he passed out on the field of a baseball game he was actively umpiring last Friday....
The Dalai Lama Is A Giant Bandwagoner
Tenzin Gyatso is the 14th Dalai Lama, the latest in a long line of reincarnations of Avalokiteśvara, the bodhisattva embodiment of compassion. He's also an insufferable homer who loves free hats....
MLB Network's Heidi Watney: Surprisingly Good At Golf
[Twitter (for now)]...
Raptors Forward Quincy Acy Went For A Dolphin Ride
And gave the world this adorable picture....
Pitcher Throws At Batter Who Requests Timeout
That's Bryan Bullington pitching for the Hiroshima Carp in Japan. Bryan Bullington is not about to suffer fools like Ryota Arai who call timeout when he's already started his wind up. ...
If You Haggle Over The Cost Of A Photo With Virgil, He'll Flip You Off
He'll still pose for the picture, of course, he'll just slyly give you the finger while he smiles at the camera....
Security Guard Celebration Is An Homage To Rasheed Wallace
It's natural to focus on all the Knicks celebrating Raymond Felton's huge, buzzer-beating three at the end of the third quarter of today's Boston win. Melo is pumped up. So is Tyson Chandler. Steve Novak is undoubtedly doing a very subtle and very intense discount double check that we just can't see...
Tim Duncan Is The Greatest
Please accept my sincerest apologies for only now seeing this amazing GIF of Tim Duncan from Friday night. It is simply beautiful. There is a regular speed and a slow motion version for maximum Duncan trolling....
Source Tells ESPN That Cris Carter's Son Will Sign With The Vikings
An anonymous source has informed Adam Schefter that Duron Carter, son of Hall of Famer Cris Carter, will sign with the Minnesota Vikings. ...
Memphis Radio Hosts Play Terrible Basketball Game Against "The Ribs"
Chris Vernon and Gary Parrish are radio hosts in Memphis. The Memphis Grizzlies provide halftime entertainment that includes a group of geographically-significant-food costumes called "The Ribs." Chris Vernon and Gary Parrish played The Ribs in a game of basketball at halftime of the Grizzlies 104-8...
Chad Johnson May Have Spent Saturday Partying With A Homeless Guy
It's like Pretty Woman but with Chad Johnson and maybe a homeless guy. ...
Volleyball Player Takes Spike To The Face
You'll want to keep an eye on the sprightly player in blue, wearing number nine. Gotta love the "we'll get 'em next time, face" reaction, though....
Rob Delaney Sang The National Anthem At Dodger Stadium Last Night
When Rob Delaney dies, the first line in his obituary will remind you that he was famous for being funny on Twitter. It may also reference his affinity for farts and hairy beavers. It will now also include "once sang the National Anthem at a Dodgers game." And it wasn't terrible. Yay!...
Good Morning! Here's A Michael Wilbon Stinkface
We hope this morning finds you bright and cheerful and ready to take on whatever exasperated-just-to-be-around-other-people Wilbon faces life throws at you....
Delaware Police Finally Track Down Man Wanted For 16 Naked Incidents
"Naked incidents" sounds pretty weird, right? And 16 of them seems like kind of a lot, yes? Questions for another day, I'm afraid. We've got more important things to talk about....
Jay Mariotti Is Mackin' And Relaxin' And Kicking Shitty-Ass Game Again
From the evil twin of Tim Tebow, naturally, comes our latest update on Jay Mariotti, shitty columnist and world-class asshole. Sayeth Tom Tebow:...
Josh Reddick Meets Saddest Man Alive
And we may not stop there, he could be in the running for saddest man to have ever lived. ...
Fat-Guy Quarterback Scores Fat-Guy Two-Point Conversion
Ordinarily we only get to see a fat guy score because of a mistake—an interception at the line of scrimmage, a fumble into the hands of the nearest lineman who rumbles for the endzone—but Notre Dame has provided a game-changer: 340-pound nose tackle Louis Nix. That's him, intentionally lining up as ...
Penn State Hearing It From Most Unlikely Critic
"From Beaver Stadium in State College, Pa. Coach Joe Paterno has been critical this spring, calling the Nittany Lions a very average team..."...