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These Two Guys Would've Gotten Away With Busting Into Coors Field If It Wasn't For A Pesky Security Guard
Your morning roundup for June 19, the day some sexy finally came out of the Vancouver riots (it starts at 0:45 of this video), and the day we all wish a Happy Father's Day to the appropriate person in our lives....

He's Not A Horny Panderer, He Just Passed By Auburn's Plaza Motel Last Night
James W., the tipster with an eye for good bargains, dutifully shared this shot of the sign outside of the Plaza Motel, which he deemed the "most shady hotel" in Auburn, AL. He assures you it's neither Photoshopped nor a product of missing letters....

Peyton And Eli Manning Are: <em>Football Cops</em>
Our tipster grabbed these photos and videos of the Brothers Manning filming in Greenpoint, Brooklyn last month. (He then promptly gave them to TMZ, which posted them much faster than we did.)...

John McEnroe: Not All Of You Journalists Are Assholes
The classic 1980 Wimbledon Final between John McEnroe and Björn Borg has been dissected more than any match in tennis history. But the friendship that developed between the two, before and since, hasn't been as picked over, in part because Borg, who abruptly left the sport at age 26, has been genera...

Roger Goodell Is Waving His Dick Around Only Because He Loves Us So Much
Roger Goodell said some bullshit yesterday that, I swear, the Serious Football Media would've tsk-tsked as "counterproductive rhetoric" had anything so disingenuous come out of De Smith's mouth. Here's what the commisioner told Tampa Bay season ticketholders in a conference call:...

Which Cowboys Star Is Selling This Ridiculous Souped-Up Impala? (Update Maybe)
Time to reactivate the old eBay account, because holy shit look at this thing. I'm just going to paste the seller's description, because, my god....

There's No Question That Dirk Nowitzki's Fickle Fingers Are Getting ESPN Hot And Bothered
A legion of tipsters have dutifully sent in one of two screengrabs from ESPN's homepage this evening. As you can well see, one references fingering while the other goes down the perilous tip-insertion road....

The NFL Lockout Court Battle, Explained Via Pretty Word Clouds
Like bright colors? Hate the complexity of legal procedure? Well, not only are you the target audience for the NFL's lockout PR campaign, but you might also enjoy these visualizations we made out of the court documents from Brady et al v. National Football League. Above is a word cloud for all of th...

Chone Figgins's Low Batting Average Helps People Get Drunker, Cheaper
Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down....

Today In Bothering The NFL With Stupid Questions: Ray Lewis One-Man Crime Wave Edition
Yesterday, Ray Lewis made some eye-opening comments about the lockout. "Watch how much evil, which we call crime," he told Sal Paolantonio, "watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game."...

The Evil Arrests That Ray Lewis Was Talking About Have Already Started
Free-agent backup running back Garrett Wolfe, late of the Chicago Bears, was charged with retail theft, disorderly conduct, assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest with violence in Miami this morning. This was Wolfe's first newsworthy event since Wednesday when he spoke to the Chicago Sun-...

Today In Great Quotes: Ray Lewis On How Evil Pertains To The Lockout
"Do this research if we don't have a season — watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game," Ray Lewis told ESPN's Sal Paolantonio....

Watch ESPN's Doris Burke Flub Her Lines About Oklahoma City Arena
Your morning roundup for May 22, the day some people in North Carolina started taking Pirates of the Caribbean too literally, but not in a cool swashbuckling way or anything....

Chris Berman On <em>You're With Me, Leather</em>: "Mr. Kornheiser Chose To Run With It."
While the long-standing Kornheiser-Berman beef doesn't have the same initial draw of, say, Beadle-Andrews, its appearance in Those Guys Have All The Fun does lead us to the alleged root of everyone's favorite alleged pick-up line: You're with me, Leather....

Hue Jackson Needs To Sell You Some Raider Tickets
There's this lockout thing, see? And with no football, the football teams that usually make money off of football, they can't make money. So that's bad for people who work for the teams, and not just the players: the coaches and execs and secretaries and janitors too. So a lot of teams are cutting s...

More Misplaced Rhetoric From Pro Football Talk
De Smith says the NFL is the "first league in the history of sports that has ever sued to not play their game," which, like a lot of slogans, isn't entirely accurate (the NFL hasn't sued), even if it accurately conveys the sense that the NFL is taking great pains to get its lockout. Mike Florio has ...

Hines Ward, NFL's Dirtiest Player And Dancer, Almost Paralyzed His Tango Partner This Week
Hines Ward unintentionally body-slammed his partner, Kym Johnson, during a rehearsal for the show Dancing With The Stars last week. She suffered a sprained vertebrae and returned for what could only have been an "emotional" and "teary" and "inspiring" performance with Ward — and, having survived a...

The Bizarre Cult Of Pro-Owner NFL Fanboys
Here's a tidy summation of how we've managed to get to where we are with the NFL lockout. A few years ago, the players and owners agreed to a new CBA, with only Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown voting against the agreement, in Wilson's case because he's old and easily confused by things....

NFL Lockout Back On (For Serious This Time)
First everyone reported that the 8th Circuit Court had issued a stay, putting the lockout back on. But then everyone said that, oops, no, nothing was decided yet. Well now they decided. Lockout!...

Lockout's Back On (UPDATE: Maybe Sort Of Not Yet)
Sorry, folks....