with Page 38 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Don't Worry: In The Event Of An NFL Lockout, Bob Costas Will Still Get Paid
Here's a letter from Mary Cavallaro of the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. In it, she assures the NFL broadcasters among her membership that they'll still get paid their current salary even if there are no NFL games to broadcast....

Wayne Gretzky Leads Florida International Football To Victory
While the Greatest Hockey Player To Ever Live Not Named Ron Flockhart's name won't appear on the stat sheet for Florida International's 42-35 win over Louisiana Monroe [Miami Herald], he was clearly responsible for keeping them under 36 points....

Letter Chiding Baylor Students For Clogging Plumbing System With Semen Is Too Good To Be True, Alas
According to an anonymous tipster, the residence halls at Baylor were recently clogged with semen, leading to this desperate plea from one residence hall's director. Sadly, it's a fake, as our brief conversation with the hilariously put-upon director confirmed....

ESPN Producer Caught Beating It Outside A Lady's Window
Win 17 Emmys, and no one calls you "Emmy-winner" Neil Goldberg. Head ESPN's NASCAR coverage, and no one calls you "motorsports guru" Neil Goldberg. But stand on a stool to masturbate to a woman getting dressed just once......

Here's Video Of Bill Simmons Declaring His Intention To Urinate All Over An ESPN Studio, Or Something
The yuks keep coming with blinding speed as the Sports Fellas guest-hosting stint on PTI continues. One would assume that Tony's the incontinent one, being a cranky old asshole and all....

Did You Know Kurt Warner Is On A TV Show Now? Because Kurt Warner Is On A TV Show Now
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: retired quarterback Kurt Warner....

Man Masturbates In Toy Aisle To Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
According to police, William Black grabbed the SI mag at his local Walmart, walked to the toy aisle, rubbed one out, and wiped it on a plastic light saber. [The Smoking Gun]...

Nadal Finally Wins His U.S. Open. Sucks For Us.
A prediction: Rafael Nadal will never win another U.S. Open....

Deadspin Classic: The Greatest "You're With Me, Leather" Reference Of All Time (So Far)
Originally published Nov. 13, 2006...

Deadspin Classic: The Most Brilliant Thing You'll See All Day
Originally published May 25, 2006...

Manny to Boston, Youk: Lo Siento Mucho, Bros
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Now They're Punching Each Other At The U.S. Open
A fight broke out in the stands at Arthur Ashe Stadium last night at the U.S. Open, briefly stopping play during an otherwise lackluster match between Novak Djokovic and Philipp Petzschner. Everyone seems to be brawling these days....

Battered Sideline Reporter Soldiers On, Wears Helmet
Last week, the world laughed at Sky Sports Germany's Jessica Kastrop for getting knocked in the head with an errant soccer ball. So she took the necessary precautions against a repeat performance with the help of a funny looking helmet....

No, We Will Not Pay $1,500 For Brandon Spikes's Alleged Chatroulette Sex Tape
Some things are worth digging into our sack of scuzz money. The Patriots' second-round draft pick getting pleasured and broadcasting it to random strangers is not one of them....

Hot And Hard: Deadspin’s 2010 U.S. Open Preview
Deadspin chief tennis correspondent and resident deucebag Dylan Stableford will be covering the U.S. Open throughout the fortnight. Here are some key questions heading into the tennis year's last — and best — Grand Slam....

Down Goes Strasburg (Sort of). Nationals' Autopsy Scheduled (Today).
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Private Stache: Roger Clemens Gets Intimate With Old Bush, For Once
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Chris Chambers, Chris Chambers' Stalker Have Been Pronounced Husband and Wife
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter’s anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The NFL's Hall Of Fame Enshrinement Speeches, AutoSummarized
For those who missed all the speechifying Saturday in Canton—during which Rickey Jackson made Emmitt Smith sound like Cicero, and Chris Berman spent 22 minutes committing what I'm certain were several felony counts of public masturbation—we offer a summary....

Keyboard-Throwing Contest Goes About As Well As Expected
Like all fledgling non-Olympic sports, Keyboard Toss still has to work out a lot of kinks. Regulation equipment and throwing motions are good starts but they should probably focus on how not to hit the cameramen....