x Page 667 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Boxer Gets Punched In The Dick So Hard He Can't Continue, Loses Fight
Last night on ESPN's Wednesday Night Fights, Carlos Velasquez took on journeyman boxer Jean Sotelo. Velasquez was heavily favored, and for the round and a half, dominated Sotelo. Then he punched Sotelo right in the dick....
Report: N.J. High School Football Players Sexually Assaulted Freshmen
Sayreville (N.J.) Superintendent of Schools Richard Labbe cancelled Sayreville War Memorial High School's football season Monday amid claims of hazing, though the details were unknown. But a parent of a Sayreville player talked to NJ.com today, and what happened sounds horrific and inhumane....
Report: NBA Bans Sexy-Ass Songs From German Cheerleaders' Routine
German basketball club Alba Berlin will take on the San Antonio Spurs in an exhibition game Wednesday, but their cheerleaders will be working at half-speed. The NBA apparently nixed three songs from Alba Berlin's squad's routine, on account of the tracks being too sexy, according to German tabloid B...
Jaguars Apologize For Mascot's Ebola Joke
Put that headline in a time capsule, so future generations can recall the brief period of time Ebola was in the news and the Jaguars were an NFL team....
Report: Geno Smith Missed A Meeting Because Of A Dumb Team Policy
The New York Jets got stomped to hell by the San Diego Chargers yesterday, and the 31-0 blowout was so bad that Jets starting quarterback Geno Smith was yanked before the start of the second half. Smith's day got even more embarrassing after the game, a report claimed that he'd missed a team meeting...
What's More Improbable: An 18-Inning Playoff Game Or A 13-Inch Penis?
The Giants-Nationals 18-inning game Saturday was the longest in MLB postseason history. But that still doesn't give a proper picture of how statistically unlikely this is. So let's talk dicks. ...
This Is The Life Of A Backup College Quarterback
Texas A&M quarterback Kyle Allen didn't have any responsibilities yesterday, so he spent some time yesterday chatting with a girl on the sidelines doing video. Mississippi State upset the Aggies, but Allen seems to be fine....
The Cowboys Will Not Suffer Your Silly Celebrations
Get that shit outta here....
Mississippi State Trounces Texas A&M, Alabama And Ole Miss Up Next
If you're tired of insufferable SEC fans trying to convince you that their perennial bottom-dwellers could run through any other conference, you can say whatever you want about the SEC East this year. The West division, however, is an insane collection of talent. ...
This Catch Gets Six Actual Points, Many More Style Points
It's likely to be part of a losing effort because their defense is sad, but Texas A&M injected a brief pause into their beating at the hands of Mississippi State with this pretty little touchdown....
How To Make Roast Pork Tenderloin, The X-Rated Cut Of Meat
There's simply no way around it: The pork tenderloin is weird-lookin'. It's shaped—well, dammit, it's shaped like a big ol' penis. You unwrap it from the butcher paper and you step back and you go, damn, man, this pork tenderloin looks like a dong. Can I manipulate this giant dong? This seems ...
Prince Songs To Fuck To, Ranked
Prince released two new records this week. And since Art Official Age and PlectrumElectrum (as with all releases from the world's most seductive singer) are loaded with sexiness, it's an appropriate time to attempt to quantify his past sexiness. Let's do this....
NBA Jam Teams, Ranked
1. Utah Jazz - Karl Malone and John Stockton...
Orioles Win, Pound Tigers With Eight Run Eighth Inning
Max Scherzer was right. When Tigers manager Brad Ausmus strolled to the mound to pull him out of Thursday night's ALDS opener, Scherzer was observably unhappy. Sure, he'd yielded four runs across 7 1/3 innings to the Orioles, and Alejandro De Aza had just ripped a double off of him. Scherzer is th...
<em>The Man From Nowhere</em> Is The Fucked-Up South Korean Blockbuster For You
The villains of the 2010 South Korean movie The Man From Nowhere are bad, bad people. How bad? They kidnap unwanted kids for use as drug-lab slave labor. When one passes out in the smack sweatshop, a heavy rolls his eyes and says, "Kids are so dramatic." Then he barks at the rest of 'em to get back ...
Thirteen Ways Of Looking At Greg Maddux
A record producer friend once told me that Check Your Head, the Beastie Boys' 3rd album, was perfectly realized. That's stuck with me over the years, the idea of being able to achieve something that lives up to your ambition. In a 1978 Playboy Interview, Bob Dylan said: "The closest I ever got to t...
Cowboys Player Under Investigation In Alleged Sexual Assault Case
Dallas Cowboys special teams player C.J. Spillman is under investigation in connection with an alleged sexual assault that occurred in a Texas hotel on Sept. 20. ...
Matthew McConaughey Went Full McConaughey On The Texas Longhorns
Matthew McConaughey, who is now well into the business of just being Matthew McConaughey in public, visited a Texas Longhorns practice last week to pass some ancient McConaughese wisdom down to the young players. ...
Slang Terms For Breasts, Categorized
Animal Life Bee stings Mosquito bites Hooters Milkshakes ...