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![Two University of Texas Football Players Accused Of Sexually Assaulting A Woman [UPDATED]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/189rcmh1flnzpjpg.jpg)
Two University of Texas Football Players Accused Of Sexually Assaulting A Woman [UPDATED]
The players have neither been arrested nor charged with a crime, and police have not released their names. An investigation is taking place, but here are the details from KENS in San Antonio, where the Longhorns are staying as they prepare for Saturday's Alamo Bowl game against Oregon State:...

Alex Rodriguez Has Given Himself A New Nickname, So Everyone Be Sure To Call Him That
Say hello to Captain Rodriguez. A-Rod has been spending the holidays in Florida with his family (and Torrie Wilson), and he's documenting it all on his Facebook page. He put this photo up yesterday, but quickly deleted it. Maybe because the Yankees already have a captain, or maybe because he realize...

Report: The Detroit Red Wings Are Tax Delinquents
The city of Detroit is a fiscal disaster. Its bond rating was downgraded to an even lower junk status last month, it's looking at the prospect of having its finances taken over by the state next year, and layoffs of city workers seem unavoidable. Mayor Dave Bing—yes, that Dave Bing—has promised to c...

Sean Elliott Is Hogging All Of San Antonio's Water
San Antonio has been dealing with a harsh Texas drought for the past two years, and the available water resources are dwindling. As a site that has dealt with pressing water bill issues in the past, we at Deadspin feel obligated to tell you that Spurs color commentator—and former player—Sean Elliot...

Mike Tyson Wanted To Call His Touring Vegas Lounge Act <em>Boxing, Bitches, Babies, And Lawsuits</em>
Mike Tyson has spent the last several months performing in a one-man multimedia stage show about his life, and it goes by the rather ordinary name of Undisputed Truth. The routine debuted in Vegas, hit Broadway, and is now fanning out across the country to bring all the drama of the Tyson saga to a ...

How To Have Sex In Any Kind Of Car
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a safe 102% of the readers of this site are fans of both cars and a vast and disgusting variety of sexual acts. And that's great. My stand on cars is well established (quite pro) and when it comes to sex, I can't think of a more enjoyable way to get the max...

An Israeli Rapper Made A Song About Gregg Popovich, And Popovich Knows About It
San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich has an unlikely fan in X Beautiful, an Israeli rapper. He adores the reserved coach enough to make a music video for him, featuring an old man in an Oxford University t-shirt—Arik Henig, a famous television producer—murmuring "He wants a nasty game" (I think th...

The Grierson & Leitch Worst Movies Of 2012
It's the final week of 2012, so we're wrapping the year up the way movie people are supposed to wrap the year up: Lists! Today, we each give our five worst movies of 2012. Tomorrow, we count down each of our No. 6-10 best movies of the year, and Friday, we finish off with each of our top five....

Your Worst Nightmare: Shark Tank Breaks, Sharks Flood Mall
This went down in Shanghai last week, at a shopping center that happened to have a decorative aquarium in the lobby. The tank cracked, then shattered, sending water and fish and turtles and three lemon sharks flooding onto visitors. It's like that scene from Jaws 3-D which no one saw so I don't kn...

Tuesday Night Fights: Lady Sees Lady Hitting On Her Fella At Rap-Video Shoot, Takes Corrective Action
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Girl Goes Into Party to Fight," aka "best FIGHT on youtube." Tonight's commentator: Brawlotographer Zack Yutzey, whose filmography can be viewed via YouTube....

Andruw Jones Charged With Battery After Alleged Domestic Dispute
There aren't many specific details yet known, but the AP is reporting that former major leaguer Andruw Jones started his Christmas Day in jail after he was arrested on a battery charge early this morning in the Atlanta suburb of Duluth. Seems police were called to respond to a domestic dispute betwe...

Hackers Take Over Steubenville High School Football Team's Website, Threaten To Release Personal Information Of People Involved In Alleged Rape Case
Hackers who claim to be from the groups Anonymous and KnightSec have taken over the Steubenville High School football team's website, posting a video and message demanding an apology from those involved in the alleged rape that took place in August involving players of the football team. If no one ...
![Merry Christmas, Parts Of A Chad Johnson Sex Tape Hit The Internet Today [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/189h5495xmeohjpg.jpg)
Merry Christmas, Parts Of A Chad Johnson Sex Tape Hit The Internet Today [NSFW]
Unemployed NFL wide receiver and reality TV meme Chad Johnson has a sex tape, obviously, and parts of it are now on the Internet. Here's the description, from WorldStarHipHop:...

Who Is The Most Masturbated-To Woman In History?
I just recently got a Christmas card from Drew and his family and I have to say: Is there any bigger fucking waste of time, energy, and paper than a Christmas card? I understand why people used to do it before Facebook existed, but currently, if someone has a baby, not a day goes by that a photo of ...

The Only "Athletes Sing Christmas Carols" Video That Matters: Sheed Remixing Jingle Bells
Oh, you've never seen the Pistons singing "Jingle Bells" circa 2006? Get out of my face....

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. ...

Virginia Tech Cornerback Antone Exum Took Some Random Kids At Best Buy On A $470 Shopping Spree
The NCAA allows bowl participants to accept sponsors' gifts up to $550 in value, and for players competing in Friday's Russell Athletic Bowl most of that value came in a $470 Best Buy gift card. That's valuable potential swag for most college kids, but Hokies defensive back Antone Exum—caught up in...
!["Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's The Tylenol?": Your Sunday NFL GIF Roundup [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1899jl1oxhk5ugif.gif)
"Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's The Tylenol?": Your Sunday NFL GIF Roundup [Updated]
We'll be putting all our GIFs for the day here, from London Fletcher losing his lunch to sad Tom Brady. We'll update the post as the later games conclude, so stay tuned. ...

Daryl Johnston Is Wearing This Right Now
Top five weirdest things about that thing Daryl Johston is wearing, on his body:...

The Raiders Cost Oakland 200 Police Officers In A Startlingly Direct Way
We looked at the steady increase in taxpayer-funded stadium construction recently, and Sports on Earth wrote about what they term "sports welfare"—this week, Bloomberg explained a combination of those phenomena, and a notably clear example of the way sports franchises can factor into the zero-sum ga...