x Page 953 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Monkeys Will Sell Programs, Hear Complaints About Jobs At Today's NASCAR Race
Their names are Rocky and Miki and they're the size of your average housecat. From noon until 2 p.m., they'll be selling souvenir programs at Texas Motor Speedway....

All Record-Breaking Surfer Kelly Slater Needs Are Some Tasty Waves And He's Fine
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Russian Lady Hockey Fans Encouraged To Enter "Swimsuit Contest"
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Prep Schoolers Up In Arms Over Plebeian Reporter Pointing Out That Their Crappy Football Team Sucks
The Sidwell Friends football team has been outscored 373-43 this season. When Washington City Paper columnist Dave McKenna pointed that out, he learned that the school's tony pansies are way feistier on the Internet than they are on the field....

Cockblocked By A Salad-Tossing Cow!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

The Truth Behind Those Terrible Texas Statues Is Sorta Revealed
Remember the terracotta-army-like statues that Texas threw up recently? Well, there's a sign now that explains that the statues are to honor specific people, but remain generic as statues. The old "it sucks on purpose" defense hasn't been this transparent since The Room....

Knifepoint Cunnilingus And A Fishy Scent
I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I really think you should check this out....

Slow-Motion Video Of Popcorn Popping, Because Why Not
If you have ever wondered how popcorn is made, the answer is science. But here's a video that shows some really delicious science in action. [Modernist Cuisine, H/T Katie]...

Heat Strokes, Game 5: The Last Asshole Standing
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, a regular contributor to NBA FanHouse and co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!), is keeping a game-by-game diary of the Heat's season — the one you're pretending not to care about....

The Frantic Search For The Cowboys Lap Dance Girl
The titillating yet kind of gross video caused a bit of a stir yesterday, so it was natural that the young lady's identity would become a topic of discussion. Our first clue: the oft-lifted shirt....

Front Row Lap Dance At The Cowboys Game
Something about that new Cowboys Stadium causes fans to get down and dirty. Word of advice: if a $10 Miller Lite gets a girl to do this, she's not the kind of girl you want. [GordonKeith.com]...

This Man Actually Ran For Office Yesterday
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The McRib Is Back
Public Service Announcement: The McRib sandwich is available at McDonald's nationwide, though only through the end of the month....

My Girlfriend Became A Pro Cheerleader And Dumped Me In Wartime For The Team Mascot
I watched the The Walking Dead premiere yesterday (it was unreal) and then spent the rest of the night wondering if I had it in me to shoot friends or family members if they turned zombie on me. Like if AJ turned zombie, I could totally shoot him in the face and not hesitate. That wouldn't be a prob...

"Then I Felt My Testicles Switch Places": One Man's Twisted Story About His Balls
One day, seemingly out of nowhere, something terrible happened to Evan Jacobs's testicles: They rotated. Then came the pain, the marijuana, the doctor's finger, the testicle display, and the compression shorts....

The San Francisco Giants Are World Champions
The Giants beat the Rangers 3-1 in Game 5 tonight for their first World Series title in 56 years, and Timmy's locks are about to get a well-deserved champagne lather....

Your "Arena Football-Level Passing Numbers" Texans-Colts Open Thread
Indy is seriously banged up, but Houston has the worst passing defense in the league. Think Manning will throw a TD or five? Schaub to Johnson isn't too shabby either. AFC South supremacy on the line here. Musings below....

Your "First Of Three Consecutive Cliff Lee Starts" Giants-Rangers Open Thread
If Cliff Lee does his thing better than Tim Lincecum, we go back to the Bay. If not, the Giants are champs, and Lee signs for the league minimum next year. Enjoy this, possibly our last open thread. Until 8:30....

This Is The Worst Start To A Newscast Ever (UPDATE: Video Back)
Something is definitely afoot in San Diego's 10 News Communication Center, or at least something was on this particular day. Problems behind, in front of, and around the camera materialize at a rapid clip, making for sweet, wonderful, YouTubeable failure. [@richarddeitsch]...

The Chuckling Idiots Of NFL Pregame Shows: A Video Compilation
As The Wall Street Journal recently demonstrated, the hosts of the Fox and CBS NFL pregame shows do a lot of laughing. With that in mind, we've reduced Sunday's programs to their essence—dudes chuckling over something or other....