Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too can answer a series of questions and receive a punishment—generated via a set of mysterious but certainly stupid criteria—that fits your crimes. In the end, it’s all about justice.


Image by Jim Cooke

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