Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. This space is now reserved for those scuzz-money entrepreneurs who've unsuccessfully tried to sell us prurient information. This is also where we'll run notable emails we've received from some of our readers. All emails are [sic]'d. Enjoy.
Price offered: $50.34
SUBJECT: Erick Aybar-LA Angels
I have a picture of Erick Aybar shirtless in a hotel room (The Townsend, Birmingham, MI where they stayed while playing the Tigers the past 4 days) with a girl standing next to him on the bed wearing a bath robe. I was wondering if this could be worth anything?
Hmm. Is she standing on the bed?
yes, she's standing on the bed and he's next to the bed
Can you tell it's him in the photo?
He's holding his phone to his ear which blocks half his face
Ah. Well you see, that's where it becomes problematic, Larissa. Full-face is worth much, much more than half-face-blocked-by-phone. This, plus the fact that the woman is standing on the bed, make this not as valuable to us. So, for now, we've appraised this photo is worth exactly $50.34. Your thoughts?
Thanks, but I'm not about to sell out my friend for $50 bucks. Plus my other friend hooked up with another member of the team who has promised to fly her out to their next game in LA, so I don't want to ruin her fun for the sake of $50.
Alright, Larissa. I'll play along. How much will it cost us for you to send over the Erick Aybar shirtless photo even though it would sell out your friend?
I'm trying to find out how much my friend is willing to let it go for. Thus far, I can't get a hold of her.
What price were you thinking?
My friend is the one in the picture, so it's really up to her. Her phone is off right now.
I finally spoke to her, she's worried they're going to come after us if it gets out, so I'm afraid there's no deal. Sorry!!
I guess so!
SUBJECT: Hot Tip
Putting the word "fucking" in front of something doesn't automatically make it funny. — Dan
SUBJECT: Standards & Practices
From: Jonathan Katz [redacted]
Date: Thu, Jul 21, 2011 at 1:03 AM
Subject: Standards & Practices
To: Tommy Craggs
Hey man. Good get on the ESPN manual. But there's a news angle there I think you might have missed. While AJ was poring over Bristol's rules on the john, my colleagues down here were looking through an eerily similar work — the just-discovered code of ethics of Mexico's newest drug cartel, the Knights Templar of Michoacan.
The Knights are a regional upstart that has taken advantage of division, inefficiency and government crackdowns plaguing their established rivals to become a national dynamo, modeling themselves after a sect of 12th Century Crusaders. ESPN sometimes pays Jay Mariotti. But their aspirations are strikingly similar.
ESPN Standards & Practices Manual: "Condom advertisements may not appear on any content that ESPN reasonably believes is primarily targeted at persons under age 17, including youth fan pages."
Codigo de Los Caballeros Templarios de Michoacan: "It is prohibited to abuse the innocence of chaste women, and minors, using power or trickery to seduce them."
ESPN: "Above all else, we are not in the business of personal attacks or ad hominem arguments. The tone should not be personal, vicious or dismissive."
CTM: "The Knights of the Order must conduct themselves with humility and be the most honorable, the most noble, the most courteous, the most honest and the most chivalrous."
ESPN: "Any time a product or brand name appears in our stories, we are treading on dangerous ground ... Most times, the best answer is to leave it out."
CTM: "The members of the Order must fight against materialism, injustice and tyranny in the world."
ESPN: "Be original and argue with conviction. Be passionate and accurate. Explain."
CTM: "The Knights Templar will begin a challenging ideological battle to defend the values of a society based on ethics."
ESPN: "We reserve the right to be selective in our openness regarding personnel, privacy, human resources and legal issues."
CTM: "When a Knight ... breaks the vow of silence of the Knights Templar of the state of Michoacan, he will receive a death sentence."
The story about the Templars is here
From @QBKilla AKA Warren Sapp