What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.

Sorted by orifice, working south:

Ear: POTPOURRI BEAD STRAWBERRY ERASER CHALK GREEN LEAF JUICE STRAW PENCIL LEAD SILVER METAL CHARM A TOY COMB

Nose: CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT BATTERY TIP OF SKI POLE TOOTHPICK ALUMINUM FOIL PLASTIC FISHING WORM SPONGE 6" NAIL STUFFING FROM STUFFED TEDDY BEAR A BEAN

Throat: COAT HANGER MOUTHGUARD CONFETTI “WATER WITH COINS IN IT” PLASTIC EGG DOG TOY DRY ICE SCREWDRIVER “PART OF A TISSUE OR A FUZZY PART OF MY BLANKET” BEE

Penis: PEN PEN CAP PAPER CLIP STICK PLASTIC PIECES FROM A GAME CARTRIDGE FISH HOOK “A PIECE OF A PLASTIC SPOON TO SEE HOW IT FELT”

Vagina: TOY CAR TOY SCREWDRIVER ICE CREAM SCOOP SHOWER KNOB GLASS VIAL OF COCAINE BALL OF YARN WITH KNITTING NEEDLE BRACELET SMALL RED RUBBER BALL

Rectum: TOY SOLDIER ACTION FIGURE SHAVING CREAM CAN TRAVEL TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS SMALL BEAD “RIDING BICYCLE NAKED, LOST BALANCE, LANDED ON POLE CAUSING TRAUMA TO RECTUM” PENCIL ERASER CONDIMENT BOTTLE TIP OF TOILET WAND SEWING THREAD 8CM LONG DRUGS IN SOCK PLASTIC BOTTLE OF DRUGS HAIRBRUSH “JAR TO DILATE RECTUM SO HE COULD MOVE HIS BOWELS” FALSE FINGERNAIL GLASS DILDO PLASTIC DILDO SOFT RUBBERIZED DILDO VIBRATING DILDO DOUBLE DILDO GOLF BALL “ATE OATMEAL, DECIDED TO STICK GARDEN HOSE IN HIS RECTUM & FLUSH SELF OUT” 6" SEX TOY 10" BOTTLE 16" SEX TOY REBAR WIRE “BABY BOTTLE USED IN KINKY SEX”