Today's The Day Baseball Fans Everywhere Except Pittsburgh Dream Of World Series Victory

Your morning roundup for March 31, the day a Bellaire, Ohio chair mourns the obese man who sat upon it for the past two years, leaving more than skin behind.

• The Yankees, Tigers, Braves and Nationals will commence ball-playing at 1:05 p.m., with four games to follow, weather permitting. The Pirates open their season tomorrow, against the Cubs. [MLB]

• Taking their emulation of Serrano to the next level, a pair of high school baseball players from Texas sacrificed chickens on their home field "in an effort to improve their performance." It didn't work. They were suspended for the season. [Star-Telegram]

• Eric LeGrand, the Rutgers University defensive tackle who was paralyzed while covering a kickoff in a game against Army last October, has recovered to the point that he can leave a rehabilitation hospital and continue outpatient therapy while living at his aunt's home. This is wonderful news. [Scarlet Report]

Today's The Day Baseball Fans Everywhere Except Pittsburgh Dream Of World Series Victory

• Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel apologizes for "disappointing people," but has no plans to step down [10 TV News]. Meanwhile, former recruit Stanley McClover said on HBO Real Sports that his "OSU official visit not only netted him about $1,000, but also included sex." [Columbus Dispatch]

• A former NBA referee allegedly assaulted Hall of Famer Dominique Wilkins after last night's Hawks/Magic game in Atlanta. 'Nique is said to owe the man money for "suits purchased several years ago." [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

• LeBron James thinks Derrick Rose should be the NBA MVP. Until LeBron realizes that he meant to say he thinks he should be the MVP, even though he shouldn't. [ESPN]

• Former NFL quarterback Warren Moon thinks some criticism of Cam Newton is "racially based." As such, "one of professional football's historic figures," who is serving as an adviser to the Auburn QB, is "extremely angry" at fans and media.

"I thought we were all past this. I don't see other quarterbacks in the draft being criticized by the media or fans about their smile or called a phony. He's being held to different standards from white quarterbacks. I thought we were past all this stuff about African-American quarterbacks, but I guess we're not." [CBS Sports]

• The pimp who hooked Lawrence Taylor up with his 16-year-old ho pleaded guilty yesterday. Rasheed Davis faces more than seven years in prison. He agreed to forfeit the $300 that L.T. paid. [New York Daily News]

• If you're going to listen at work to this hockey fan's rant about how the Phoenix Coyotes relate to obsessive love, Gary Bettman's genitalia, dildos and Britney Spears, it's unsafe to do so sans headphones. [YouTube]

• Andy Roddick is no longer America's top-ranked tennis player, having been replaced by Mardy Fish after Fish reached the semifinals of the Sony Ericsson Open in Key Biscayne, Florida. However, Mardy Fish isn't married to Brooklyn Decker. So, there's that. [Bloomberg]

• Carson Palmer's home at 8885 Whisperinghill Drive is made of stone and brick, sits on five acres and features a gourmet kitchen, 5 1/2 bathrooms, solarium, swimming pool, spa, golf green and pond. It's on the market for $2.1 million, too. [Cincinnati Enquirer]

• James Reimer is the Toronto Maple Leafs goalkeeper. His nickname is "Optimus Reim." It's a play off of "Optimus Prime" from the Transformers. He lets his goalie mask reflect that nuance. That's wacky. [Globe and Mail]

• Here are 10 more movie quotes to yell during orgasm, you know, just for fun. [Good Feed Blog]

• If India wins the World Cup (of cricket), 20-year-old model Poonam Pandey will strip naked. Says Ms. Pandey, who cares not about the morality of her declaration, "I'm a cricket fanatic and I'm a diehard supporter of my nation. India needs a lot of support and this is my way of supporting the team." [Ted Williams Head]

• Lionel Messi, who was held out of Argentina's friendly against Costa Rica, is questionable for Barcelona's match against Villarreal on Saturday night. [FoxSports]

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