Your morning roundup for May 15, the day Lazy Cakes, Kush Cakes and Lulla Pies start becoming Public Enemy Nos. 1-3.

What we watched: First, the minus side: the Boston Bruins went down 3-0 with the quickness, the type of deficit from which you generally don't recover unless you're playing, say, the Boston Bruins. Now, the plus side: if you take those three goals away, the Lightning didn't outscore them!

Did the layoff hurt the Bruins? Well, goalie Tim Thomas had eight days off after allowing just seven goals in four games against the underwhelming Philadelphia Flyers. So yeah, three goals in a 1:25 span probably speaks to a kind of rust that leaves announcers referencing "a meaningful silence inside TD Garden." It was the sixth straight road win, and eighth straight overall, for Simon Gagne and a Tampa team that's starting to look like it's on a mission from Boreas.

Game two is Tuesday. Maybe Bruins Nathan Horton and Milan Lucic won't take cheap shots in the waning seconds again.

Oh, there's also some HD slo-mo turtle jumping action over at Golf.com, for those of you who like seeing your desperation crisp, clean and not wearing black-and-gold jerseys or throwing things onto the ice after their heroes go to the losing locker room. (And thanks to the PGA Tour for sending over a link to the video up top).

What we're watching:: I'm not much of an NBA guy. Just can't get into a sport where the end result of its economic model isn't watered-down dynasty elimination, but pre-postseason post-season scripting. The Grizzlies totally turn that into a Ham-radio tin-lidded rant, sure, but they'll probably lose today anyway. When they do, the Western Conference might not have its top two seeds playing for a title, but Dallas and Oklahoma City weren't exactly wildcards; they're the bet you make at the Vegas sports-book when you want someone with a reasonable shot, but longer odds that warrant your "investment."

Yet, this Chicago/Miami series, this is one to watch. Because the Miami Heat look as if they've wept their way through all the scrutiny, team pubescence and directed-at-them hatin' to start playing some damn good ball. And, even an NBA non-fan can see Derrick Rose is the real fucking deal. He's a joy to watch in the way that early Iverson was in his MVP season. Add flailing, entertaining Joakim Noah to that mix and you got something that transcends David Stern's imbecility.

Elsewhere

Waiting for the summer rain: Yankees catcher Jorge Posada watched the Boston Red Sox shut his "teammates" out from the bench yesterday. That's because Jorgey Boy was so upset about getting dropped to ninth in the batting order that he requested to be removed from the lineup. Said his back hurt. And that he needed to clear his head. Didn't mention his .165 batting average. [New York Post]

"I didn't want him going through the same thing I did": Derek Boogaard's family didn't want to say that the concussion that ended his 2010-11 New York Rangers season led to his unexpected death, but his little brother Ryan did say "we believe Derek would have liked to assist with research on a matter that had affected him later on in his career." So, his brain was donated to the Sports Legacy Institute for study. [Star-Tribune]

Watch People Cheer For A Suicidal Turtle At The Players Championship

Naughty Chick-fil-A mottos: The Universities of South Carolina and Arkansas have played a couple interesting baseball games this weekend. Whatever. Tipster Jeremy B.'s screengrab is worth a second of your time, though. [Gamecock Central]

He messed with the bull, got cash instead of the horns: If you have 50 seconds to spare, here's footage of Chad Ochocinco riding a bull for 1.5 seconds and 48.5 seconds of filler. Chad was kind enough to correct my initial Tweet about him making $10K for his efforts, noting that I didn't factor $200K in endorsements in. Lo siento. [Twitter]

Now Hiring, Must Relocate To Columbus: The Ohio State University is looking for help. Position: Associate Director of Compliance. Duties: "Works in conjunction with the compliance staff to implement NCAA, Big Ten and The Ohio State University regulations." Like they need that. Deadline's next Sunday, party people. [NCAA Market] (H/T Christian R.)

Watch People Cheer For A Suicidal Turtle At The Players Championship

Ron Ron Wants To Know The Deal With Airline Peanuts: Writes tipster Joel W. about THE ULTIMATE COMEDY TOUR coming to Manhattan in July, "As a stand-up comedian, I try my best to get better in hopes to someday earn an income and play top venues. My ambition can be discouraging especially when I learn that Ron Artest will be headlining Caroline's Comedy Club this July." Keep your chin up, Joel. [Carolines]

The latest, greatest rivalry resumes this morning: When Andy Murray failed to hold serve up a game in the final set, Novak Djokovic did what Novak Djokovic has done three dozen consecutive times now: He won. Next up for the newest best player in the world is the ranked best player in the world, Rafael Nadal. The match starts at 10 a.m. eastern, and it's on the Tennis Channel. [10sBalls]

The latestest, greatestest rivalry commenced last night: In what was painted as the Great Hipster War of '11, the MLS's Seattle Sounders and Portland Timbers played to a 1-1 draw on Saturday. Here's a link to postgame quotes and stats. If it's going to happen anywhere, this whole "Cascadia" rivarly is the one that'll break America into the realm of "fans burning stadia, wilding." [Oregon Live]

Today's Soccer-Viewing Recommendations: The battle for first place among EPL's non-qualifiers for next year's UEFA Champions League starts at 11 a.m. eastern as Liverpool hosts Tottenham Hotspur for its final home match of the season [Liverpool Echo]. Inter Milan looks to stay focused on its match (2:30 p.m.) vs. Napoli instead of looking ahead to the upcoming Coppa Italia final [Goal]. Could Deportivo La Coruna get its first win in three years over an already-clinched-La-Liga, staying-healthy-for-Man-U Barcelona (2:55 p.m.) [Deportivo La Coruna]? And finally, Santos vs Cornithians at 3 p.m. for the second-leg of the State championship final [Samba Foot].

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Watch People Cheer For A Suicidal Turtle At The Players Championship

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