Dead Letters: We Are Not Here To Tell Tebow Jokes

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: Tebow Jokes!

From: Costaki Economopoulos
To: The Staff

Hey Kids,

I have a regular joke-driven all NFL radio segment called "Quick Snaps."
Would LOVE to talk to you guys about writing for the site.
Perhaps a once weekly feature with several topical NFL jokes?

This week it was a PLEASURE to be a football joke writer.
Highlights below.

Let's discuss!

-C

Tebow's headed to the Big Apple. I'm not a biblical scholar, but a Christian around an apple? Sounds like trouble to me.

Welcome to New York. Where 3:16 is the ratio of city blocks that smell like urine.

New York already has players with questionable talent who pray for wins. They're called the Mets.

Tebow insists that he and starting QB Mark Sanchez have a great relationship. Yeah, well, that's what the Clintons say too.

I looked it up. "Sanchez" is a Spanish word for "Orton."

Subject: I'm going to visit the site less with this wierd format

From: Tim Duncan
To: The Staff

[No text.]

Subject: Minor League Guy

From: crash0032
To: Tim Burke

The fictional Minor League Guy story was excellent. My favorite was the you have a girlfriend part.

I keed. I keed.

Sent from my iPad

Subject: Dana Jacobson

From: Drew Hopkins
To: The Staff

Dead Letters: We Are Not Here To Tell Tebow Jokes

Subject: Danna J

From: Scott Melnick
To: The Staff

Hello,
Can I watch the D.J. drunk clip please?

First Take fan

Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android

Subject: Intern

From: Gavinjs33
To: Jack Dickey

Fuck the dumb shit, just pick me. I'm a beast.

Subject: Deadspin Summer Intern

From: Nick Bonadies
To: Jack Dickey

Hello Sir or Madam,

A couple paragraphs (crabs) about me.

Dead Letters: We Are Not Here To Tell Tebow JokesDead Letters: We Are Not Here To Tell Tebow Jokes


Dead Letters: We Are Not Here To Tell Tebow Jokes

Why I would be good fit?
Because you're a square hole, and I'm a square peg. #Geometry

Resume:
https://www.google.com/

Things I've written:
http://www.wikipedia.org/

Not interested yet? Well I'll let you pay me a low price of $15 a hour. Deal?

Dead Letters: We Are Not Here To Tell Tebow Jokes

Best,

Nick

Image by Jim Cooke. Tebow photo via Getty, brick wall via Shutterstock.