What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.

Sorted by orifice, working south:

Ear:
KEY
BUTTON
HOT WAX
PLASTIC DART
PIECE OF PAPER
"TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN"
WOOD
SCREWDRIVER
PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW
ERASER
FLY
RUBBER BAND
KNIFE

Nose:
DIXIE CUP
HAIR BARRETT
"TWO KITCHEN MAGNETS IN EACH NOSTRIL"
COLORING PENCIL
NICKEL
WAD OF TOILET TISSUE
MARDI GRAS BEAD
SMALL TOY
PIECE OF PLASTIC HANGER
PICK-UP STICK
"BB PELLETS WHILE TRYING A MAGIC TRICK"
SCREW
STICKER
CRUCIFIX
BATTERY
TOY DIAMOND
"A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED"

Throat:
LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD
CHECKER
THIMBLE
THUMBTACK
BUTTERFLY
PLASTIC TOY GUN
STAPLE
KEYCHAIN RING
NAIL
MODEL TOY AIRPLANE

Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

Vagina:
BEDPOST
"WAS DARED TO PUT A COSMETICS BOTTLE IN VAGINA"
TOY MICROPHONE STAND
SPOON
"COCK RING THAT BECAME DISLODGED"
METAL BAR
2 SPONGES
PIECE OF BASKETBALL SHORTS
SEWING NEEDLES
"PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"
HAIRSPRAY CAP
TUB STOPPER
"12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN'T GET OUT"

Rectum:
FRENCH BREAD
HAND WRENCH
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
CRAYON
"STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"
VIAL OF BATH SALTS
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
DRUM STICK
VINEGAR BOTTLE
LOTION BOTTLE
MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
SHAMPOO BOTTLE
BABY BOTTLE
"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"