The Argentines needed six points in their last two qualifying games to grab a World Cup spot for 2010 and after Wednesday's 1-0 victory over Uruguay sealed the deal, Diego Maradona decided that would be excellent opportunity to tell everyone who criticized his coaching ability to get bent. His postgame press conference began with "You lot take it up the arse" and only got better from there.

"I also want to dedicate this to the whole of Argentina, to my family too, but there is one group who do not deserve this because they have treated me like rubbish.

"I don't usually read the newspapers or listen to sports programmes but my daughters do and they told me what had been said about me. So, I repeat, to all those that said anything against me, keep eating your words.

"But certain people who have not supported me, and you know who you are ... they can suck it and carry on sucking it.

"This is for all Argentines, minus the journalists.

The only downside to this rant is that he did not cross his hand and gesture toward his crotch in the customary "suck it" manner, but other than that it was a thing of beauty. It really comes to life in the original Spanish, but I think the translation suits just fine.

Can any actual Spanish speakers confirm that's what he's really saying?

Diego Maradona to face disciplinary action from Fifa for obscene tirade [Guardian]
Diego Maradona Tells Press To 'Suck It' After Argentina Triumph Over Uruguay [Yahoo! Sports]
Classless Maradona unloads on media after Argentina qualify [Examiner]

Both sides showed flashes of brilliance, but Argentina's stylish passing made all the difference after 90 minutes in of China's 90 degree weather. At one point midway through the first half the referee actually halted play to give players a two-minute respite from the searing midday sun. Di Maria seemed to be one of the few players unaffected by the temperature, and his non-stop movement eventually paid off for Argentina.

Benefica's "Little Angel" was already expected to draw significant interest from Europe's larger clubs, but his potential transfer will likely cost quite a bit more (as the NBC commentators noted) on the heels of this impressive performance.

Nigeria equipped acquitted themselves quite well in the loss, their second to Argentina in a major competition after 2005's runner-up finish in the international under-20 competition. Their stellar run in the Olympic tournament lends further credence to the belief that the Nigerian national team will be a force to be reckoned with in the years to come.

In other news, I am incredibly tired (drunk on gin) so I'm going to get some sleep before the weekend's Premier League action kicks off. Stay tuned to Deadspin Weekends for the stylings of Tuffy, who will be getting things started at a much more reasonable hour.

Image via Yahoo! Sports

Ole quoted a government source as saying members of Argentina's barras bravas - a hardcore groups of fans — had traveled to the two countries to meet supporters and organize conferences, charging for their advice in U.S. dollars.

The subject matter included terrace chants, the use of weapons and methods for extorting money from club directors and players. The report said a leading fan from Mexico's Pumas UNAM had twice visited Buenos Aires to obtain first hand experience of the methods used by the notorious Boca Juniors supporters club known as "La Doce" (The 12th man).

This is an absolutely brilliant idea; we would love to see Boca Juniors fans take over, say, the Devil Rays. It would make Tropicana Field a much more fun place.

Argentine Hooligans Coming Soon To Arena Near You [The Sports Oasis]

Therefore, we have Germany vs. Argentina, and it really should be a rockin' good time, yes.

Your live blogger, back from Germany, is Mike Cardillo of That's On Point, and you know that he knows his stuff. So swim the rivers of the comments, follow along after the jump, and let's try to keep it clean out there. If by "clean," you mean "FILTHY."

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That's it. Auf Wiedersehen.

Schwarz und Weiss!!!!!!!!!! (Check out that video. Here's the link again. )

It's getting ugly. A pushing match has broken out. Tears for Cambiasso. Too bad.

Argentina clammed up after thier goal. Credit Germany for grinding it out. The agony and the ectasy.

Time to "Stand Up for the Champions."

Wowzers. A tip of the cap Herr Lehmann.

Penalty Kicks....

Argentina: Cambiasso (SAVED) Germany wins 4-2 on PKs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Germany: Borowski (made) 4-2 ... Germany on the brink !!!!!! (Celo: He has to make this or its over....Duh)
Argentina: M. Rodriguez (made) 3-2
Germany: Podolski (made) 3-1
Argentina: Ayala (SAVED) 2-1
Germany: Ballack (made) 2-1
Argentina: Cruz (made) 1-1
Germany: Nueville (made) 1-0

(Hate to toot my own horn, but I did predict Germany wins 4-2 in kicks....which is good for absolutely nothing.)

My nerves are racing and I really don't care who wins....gotta love the World Cup.

PENALTY KICKS (Brough to you by AIG, official shirt sponsor of the Manchester Bucaneers.) — ....First some U2...odd......OH BABY —- I CAN HEAR IT. FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Germany can't lose.

END EXTRA TIME: that's it. We're going to kicks. Both teams are 3-0 in WC history in PKs. Oh baby.

120' — Argetina with a good FK from Max-Rod...headed out by Ballack.

118' — Tevez roofs another shot. ... Ballack returns after a nice groin rubdown. (Marcelo said it, not me.)

116' — GErman with its best chance. Decent 1-2 with Borowski and Odonkor, Odonkor's shot is right at Franco. ... Ballack is down and out on the sideline getting treatment. He's done-zo. Get the man some fluids!

115' — Yellow on Friedrich for foul on Tevez at midfield. ... Wooooh....a long ranger from Sideshow Coloccini....nearly sneaks under the bar. In fact it hit the top of the bar.

114' — Sideshow Coloccini with a crack from 25....curves wide. Decent attempt.

113' — Should this go to kicks, big edge to Germany and Arsenal-man Lehman...eve with his Hasselhoff perm.

111' — Dave O' Brien seems to really be enjoying Extra Innings....er Extra Time. .... Argentina with a corner. ... over Lehman's net.

109' — Argie corner...headed out by Ballack.

108' — Don't forget the winner of this game is guaranteed two more games with the Third Place game going to the losers of the semifinals.

106' — I'll say again — Where is Diego Maradona? ... Tevez with a crack off the restart, saved easily by Lehman. .... For those three of you here to watch Paintball...you have to wait until 9 p.m. tonight. Ratfarts.

105' — Gonzalez with a blast wide, Argentina's best chance in OT....and we are done with the first half of extra time. Not much happening here. Both sides looked gassed.

103' — For a guy that lives in SoCal, Klinsmann's sideline attaire looks rather....accountant-like. Oh man...how could I forget the US Women's Open is this weekend. Best...event....ever....

102' — Corner for Germany....header by Metzelder sails high, after a collision.

101' — Germany's subs: Odonkor, Nueville and Borowski have certainly made a bigger impact than Cruz, Cambiasso and Franco, thus far.

99' — Ballack fakes getting elbowed in the face, but escapes getting carded.

96' — Yellow to Cruz on an elbow on Lahm. ... Odonkow with some slick work on the sideline. Klinsmann made a wise choice including the young Borussia Dortmund-man.

94' — The neck gash on Tevez is absolutely terrifying. It probably helps give him his edge...but he hasn't done anything since the first half. ... DOB: 'Why haven't we seen Messi yet?" MB: "Because they used all their subs." Brilliant.

91' — I'll say this, I'm glad they dumped the Golden Goal. Not exactly the fairest way to determine things in a game this important. .. Germany looks the stronger going forward, but they have to respect the Argetina counter attack. [I made a mistake, Argetina has used all its subs and we won't see Messi.]

END REGULATION — No matter how this one ends (PKs), you have the feeling both sides are going to be talking about it for quite some time. Not the greatest game, persay, but factor in the pedigree's on the teams in involved it should be an epic finish. How much gas will Argentina have left? Ayala and Maschero have each now played close to 480 minutes of football at the Cup.

90+' — Yellow to Odonkor for a challenge on Cambiasso. ... Argie FK from 40+, probably the last chance in regulation. Ballack heads out and that's it. EXXXTRA TIME.

90+' — Danger for Germany ... but Max-Rod's corner is harmless.

90' — Germany needs to hold some possession, otherwise Argentina might just snatch one up at the last second. ... We have FOUR minutes of stoppage time.

88' — Max-Rod picks up a yellow for diving in the box. ... You can hear the the collective gasp from the crowd each time the Argies break toward the box.

87' — Both teams are trying to go for it in regulation. ... Nueville comes on for Klose. Final change for Germany. Argentina has one in the bank.... Messi? Anyone?

83' — This ought to be some great stuff in the last knockings. It cannot be overstated, when Ballack is on point, the Germans are one of the world's best. .... Meanwhile Peckerman may come to rue those subs he made.

80' — GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLL. Great work from the Germans. Ballack sends in from the left, flicked by Borowski to Miroslav Klose, who buries the header. Fifth goal for Klose. GREAT STUFF. Borowski has really made a difference. Klinsmann pulls the strings. 1-1.

79' — Klose with a chance in the box but can't handle cleanly. .. . The Deutschland chants are getting louder.

78 ' — Where is Diego. Where? The bathroom? ... Crespo off, Inter's Julio Cruz in.

77' — Borowski with a shot. Franco saves cleanly. "He needs time to get into the game."

75' — Tevez commits a foul at the top of the box. Germany with ANOTHER chance. 20+ yards....Ballack lines up over it, along with Podolski. Blasted into the wall.

74' — Bifi off, Werner Bremen's Tim Borowski on for Germany.

73' — Maxi Rodriguez with a chance......wide of the net, barely. Balboa says Rodriguez (with about 1 second to think MUST go far post.)

72' — Riquelme comes off for Cambiasso. Purely defensive move. Could come back to hurt the Argies if Germany is able to equalize. Peckerman knows how to pull the strings, though.

69' — Germany lines up a freekick, yet Abbondanzieri is in major pain after a collision with Klose. He just collasped to the ground. Looks like Leo Franco has to come in. Franco playes for Athletico Madrid. Could be a huge break for Germany. ... Btw...Bifi takes the kick well high.

67' — Germany wins another corner. ... Nothing doing once again. There might be 20+ minutes left, but they arn't playing with much of a sense of urgency.

64' — CHANCE BLOWN! Abbondezieri whiffs coming out on a corner. The ball rolls loose right to Ballack. His attempt is blocked by Ayala's chest. Germany will rune that miss.

63' — The way Ballack is paying its like he's being bogged down by whatever grease he puts into that lush black mane of his.

61' — David Odonko is readying to come in. Remember he had an assist in the 1-0 win over Poland two weeks ago. Will will see Oliver Nueville too? The Germans could use his craftiness. ... SCHNEIDER off ODONKOR on.

60' — Yellow to Maschero. Germans with a great oppurtunity right outside the box on the rightside. Podolski takes it ... skies it well wide and high. Landon Donovan would be proud.

59' — If this result holds up, I would not want to be Jurgen Klinsmann. The knives will be out. The Germans want to keep the party going another week. (Although I would take the Bakers Son to coach the USA.)

57' — Ballack with a chance, but loses the ball again.

50' — Germany trails for the first time in this tournament. The classic German atrribute is that they never stop working and can come back at any time. Considering how Argentina plays, the Germans still have a chance here. The game HAS to open up now. Paging Herr Ballack.

49' — Argentina corner...GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL., Roberto Ayala. Header off the coner. (Dave O'Brien said it was Lucho Gonzalez. Well done.) Lehman, no chance. Perfect ball from Riquelme.

47' — Podolski takes a free kick, that the Argentine keeper comes out to catch.

46' — Man, I could go for a nice plate of Currywurst or a Donner Kebab right now. The players look like they are bogged some with pig intestines. ... Sorin booked on a challenge of Friedrich. He'll miss the next match, should Argentina win.

Pre-second half: Will Germany be content to let this go to penalty kicks? They have to try something offensively. ... When will Argentina unleash Messi? But with Crespo and Tevez do they even have to?

(Hate the way ESPN is covering the Cup? Well everyone's favorite Ombudesman, George Soloman checks in.)

HALFTIME — Want some entertainment from the Germans? Click here. I need to collect myself, maybe eat a sandwich and take an advil after 'Celo's work.

45+ — Schweinsteiger takes a free kick. Argentina clears it. And thankfully that puts an end to this underwhelming display.

43' — Again, 'Celo is from another planet, calling the Argentina/Holland game one of the best he's seen. Personally I thought it was pretty dull, especially at the end since neither team really seemed to care if they won or lost. ... I don't mean to pile on, but it's painful to listen to. And I think O'Brien mixed up the Argentine schdule, saying they played Serbia first. Whatever. Maybe I'm just ranting here because this game has been so dull. We need a goal quick to make the teams come out of their shell.

42' — Wow, it took this long before O'Brien mentioned the weather. Shocking.

39' — FOUR Germans are needed to strip Tevez at the top of the penalty box. Its only a matter of time before I squeaks past one of the German oaks in the back.

37' — You think O'Brien would like to take back saying that, "German came out blitzing Sweden the first 20 minutes.'"

35' — Typical for soccer. Build up a game to be a classic and of course it turns out to be schizer. (Though as I learned in Germany, shit is shit.)

34' — Argentina free kick, nothing happening.

33' — 'Celo is giving a lecture to Lahm on how to cross the ball. Yep, I distinctly remember you 'Celo, as a defender making numerous crosses during your tenure with the USMNT. ... Lahm, it should be noted is wearing a Lex Luther (the wrestler) style wrapping on his 'bionic' elbow.

30' — A quick word on Bastian 'Bifi' Schweinsteiger. First, his name means, 'pig climber.' Second, his haircut is nothing short of awful. Basically taking a razor and zig-zagging it across, sort of like a mohawk, but not. However this makes him fashionable in German. Last, he endorsed the German version of Slim Jim, 'Bifi.' However instead of a indescriminant brown mish-mash of processed pork endtrails, the Bibi looks like a shriveled up....figure it out.

28' — Podolski with another dumb foul, though it's not going to hurt his 'Q' rating with the German teenie population, who simply can't get enough of 'Poldi'.

26' — Not much going on here. Nerves seem to be at play, both teams appear to be playing not to lose, rather than to win. Of course there are still 65 minutes (plus ET) of football to go.

23' — Our first mention of hte 1936 Olympics. ... Also, we haven't seen a shot of Diego Maradon yet. I would have set the bar at at least four shots of the Argentine icon.

21' — Maybe it's me (or the ESPN mics) but the German crowd sounds very subdued. I guess that old stereotype of Germans being joyless and stern has found its way into Berlin. It's odd because when I was in Germany, the hosts were very jubliant. Flags everywhere. Even the cops got into the fun. ... However in a game this important, its understanble that the crowd is a little tense. Still, seems quiet.

18' — Mertesacker with a shot (after a free kick) that sails well high. ... Tevez nutmegs a German defender and sends it into Sorin. Argies get a corner. Nothing comes from the corner, though Sorin had a free header.

16' — Ballack with a patented run into the box. Takes the flick from Schneider, but puts the header wide. Great chance missed.

15' — Tevez, though just 5-foot-8, is a beast. And in what no doubt rankles many Brasilains, is the best player in their league now with Corithnians. You just wonder, do they pay him enough so it doesn't look like he just spent the night sleeping under a bridge.

13' — Balboa has just talked for about a minute without taking a breath. Something about Argentina players doing the tango. ... Is it just me or does Argentina not nearly look as intimidating in the dark blue kit?

9' — I will conceed that Dave O'Brien has gotten marginally better as the tournament has progressed. Yet Balboa just won't shut up. He takes eons to get his point across. Each play doesn't need a two-minute rambling, incoherent babble. Trying to stay calm.

7' — Germany lines up a FK from 35. Podolski puts it on target, Abbondazieri muffs, but quickly covers up the rebound.

6' — Lahm sneaks up and sets up Ballack from 25 yards. Ballack, who stars in a commerical that airs during each and every Cup game in Deutschland, where he hails a cab for tourists — is stripped of the ball before he can muster a crack.

4' — Our first, of what should be many yellow cards. Lucas Podolski on a silly challenge. Over/under on yellow cards today is eight.

2' — Argentina gets its first chance, a free kick from about 45 yards. Riquelme takes it. And......foul on Argentina.

Disclaimer: We are going to try to lay off the ESPN announcers. Emphasis on try. I rewatched USA.Italy last night any Davey Boy O'Brien said that Italy defeated the hosts to win the 1982 World Cup in Spain. Um no Dave, West Germany did not host the tournament in Espana. (I set the over under on 15 minutes before I go over to Univision.)

Pregame: We just had the captains — Michael Ballack and Juan Pablo Sorin — read something to the crowd. As expected ESPN didn't bother to translate the German or Spanish or offer any idea to what they said. Maybe something about a discount at 'OBI' the German equal of Home Depot , with used match ticket.

Scanning the German team during their National Anthem, I notice neary a moustache resting on the lips on Der Mannschaft, which was the calling card of Rudi Voeller, et al in 1990. Oh right, bad perms too.

Guten tag Internet.

You're looking (live) at the 73,000 seat Olympiastadion in Berlin. Opened in 1936, it hosted the summer Olympics that year.

Most famously Jesse Owens won a ton of gold medals, sticking a great big American up-yours to Hitler. (Expect ESPN's Dave O'Brien to mention this fact at least three times today, likely during a goal.)

Today's first quarterfinal is a whopper of a match-up, pitting three-time winners Germany, the hosts, vs. two-time winners Argentina. The sides met in consecutive World Cup finals in 1986 and 1990. Argentina prevailed 3-2 in front of 114,570 in Mexico City. Der Mannschaft earned revenge, Tuetonic style four years later when they ousted the Albicelestes 1-0 in Rome. The 1990 affair will be remembered for two things — 1. it is widely regarded as the worst WC final, as the lone goal in a foul-filled affair came via a Andreas Brehme 84th minute spot kick. 2. it is the first WC cup I can remember watching.

Overall Germany (and as West Germany) owns a 2-1-1 edge vs. Argentina in World Cup play.

The squads last met in the group stage of the 2005 Confederations Cup, drawing 2-2.

That's enough of a history lesson for today. Regardless of the combantant's pedigree's, this is a mouth watering matchup, worthy of a final let alone a quarterfinal.

Consider:

* Although they haven't played anyone you'd necessarily classify as 'good' or even 'slightly mediocore' Germany is 4-0-0 thus far. Argentina is 3-0-1, with their tie coming a rather meaningless Group C encounter with the Netherlands, after each team had already booked passage into the second round.

* Each team has scored 10 goals, conceeding just two.

* German striker Miroslav Klose leads all scores with four tallies. Meanwhile Hernan Crespo and Maxi Rodriguez each have three, as does Lucas Podolski for Germany.

* Argentine playmaker Juan Roman Riquelme and German midfielder Bastian 'Bifi' Schweinsteiger each have three assists to co-lead the tournament. (Riquelme also has the most touches at the tournament.)

* Both teams are hated by the English, for varying reasons.

Lineups:

Germany

GK: Jens Lehman
Def: Philip Lahm/Christoph Metzelder/Per Mertesacker/Arne Friedrich
Mid: Bernd Schneider/Torsten Frings/Michael Ballack/Bastian Schweinsteiger
For: Miroslav Klose/Lucas Podolski

Argentina

GK: Roberto Abbondanzieri
Def: Juan Pablo Sorin/Fabricio Coloccini/Gabriel Hinze/Roberto Ayala
Mid: Javier Mascherano/Juan Roman Riquelme/Maxi Rodriguez/Luis Gonzalez
For: Hernan Crespo/Carlos Tevez

Players to watch:

Germany — Metzelder/Mertesacker (will be under constant pressure from skilled attackers all day); Ballack (Germany's best player has yet to leave his stamp on the tournament); Frings (battle vs. Riquelme is worth keeping an eye on)

Argentina — Crespo (scored in his last four WC games); Tevez (gets the start over Javier Saviola and Lionel Messi)

That's enough of my yapping.

Get comfortable, this one has penalty kicks written all over it.

Prediction: Germany 2, Argentina 2 (Germany wins 4-2 in PKs)

Now that we've gotten rid of all the riff-raff — the Americans and their MLS-worthy skills, the Spanish and their hateful monkey-chanting fans, the Oranje, who we now know REALLY is made up of red and yellow, and a couple of whistle-happy referees who I trust have been shipped off to Gitmo — and now that Dave O'Brien and 'Celo have been deported from Germany (oh wait, that was just a dream) ... what are we left with?
Well, some kick-ass soccer, for one thing. I don't know about you, but I've been unable to detox from the World Cup even on days where there are no games. Fortunately I've been able to pore over my old Deadspin posts and relive all the hilarious "Hirshey squirts" jokes. But even those bon mots don't compare to the febrile anticipation I feel as I await today's quarterfinal between Germany and Argentina, those proud soccer uber-powers and, of course, two of my favorite places to go look for war criminals in the off-season.

(C'mon, you knew I was going to shtup in one Nazi joke in a Germany-Argentina preview. I promise I'm done, though — unless the Germans advance).

This is a matchup to savor, one that, if the brackets had been different, could easily have been the final, just as it has been twice before. Argentina won in 1986, Germany four years later. History favors Argentina, which hasn't lost to Germany in 16 years, but location favors the Germans, who are riding a flag-waving, horn-tooting, anthem-singing wave of nationalistic fervor not seen since the Wall fell in 1989. "We are very confident," warned German coach Juergen Klinsmann, who has morphed from California surfer bum pariah to swashbuckling messiah in the space of four emphatic victories. "We will go in with total aggression and total passion, and we'll see how Argentina reacts."

Klinsmann, a lively, stylish goal-scorer in his day, has rebuilt the Mannschaft in his image. Where once Germany relied on its ruthless power and unrelenting work rate to steamroll opponents into submission, it now attacks with verve and precision. Miroslav Klose (or as he's known on Der Deadspin, "The Closer") and Lukas Podolski are the main predators, but it's the captain and Chelsea midfielder — oh how it hurts to type those two words — Michael Ballack who drives the team forward. As always, the Germans are well-organized at the back with big, strong Teutonic specimens (their two central defenders stand 6-foot-5 and 6-foot-3), but that length and physical menace, which hold them in good stead in aerial battles, can expose them when faced with fast, tricky forwards.

Costa Rica's Paulo Wanchope burned them for two goals in the opener, and Argentina has a quartet of gunslingers — Crespo, Saviola, Tevez and Messi — more lethal than him. They also have the great Riquelme, who was the fulcrum of that now legendary 24-pass movement that basically separated Serbia from Montenegro once and for all, and Maxie Rodriquez's electrifying 30-yard volley against Mexico still stands as the goal of the tournament. Oh yes, did I mention that both their coach Jose Pekerman and their captain Juan Pablo Sorin are Jewish, according to New Republic striker Franklin Foer via Goal Post. Not that that stuff matters to me, but it might spell the end for Maria Mueller.

You might remember that Frau Mueller, 94, was recently found slumped over in her chair by her son. A doctor was summoned and after checking her pulse, declared her dead. That's when Frau Mueller reportedly sprang up from her chair like Klose in front of goal and declared "Not likely, not until I see if Germany wins the World Cup. There's still life in these old bones yet."

Enjoy the game, Frau Mueller, there's always 2010.

And making it even better, it came in the 98th minute of the match, in the first overtime period of this World Cup. In case you missed one of JP Dellacamera's 18 explanations of it, there's no more "Golden Goal" in the World Cup—if it's tied after regulation, there will be 30 extra minutes, regardless of whether or not anyone scores in those 30 minutes.

And a lot of credit goes to the Mexican team for their performance. Divey and floppy as it may have been, they competed hard, and gave a whale of a game to the power Argentinians. I didn't think they'd even be in this game, but they made the Argentinians earn it. And had it not been for the incredible strike from Rodriguez, it would likely have been going to penalty kicks.

Argentina vs. Germany in six days. And tomorrow: England vs. Ecuador, and Portugal vs. Netherlands.

Argentina 2-1 Mexico [BBC Sport]

And we're already down to fifteen. The Germans took care of the Swedes this morning with typical German ruthlessness, winning 2-0. Lukas Podolski scored twice within the first twelve minutes for the Germans, and a Swedish missed penalty kick in the 53rd minute buried them for good. My brother watched the game at an airport with a Swedish woman sitting next to him, crying her eyes out. But he bought her a beer, so I think she was OK.

At three o'clock, it's Argentina vs. Mexico, for the right to face Germany. Argentina's been arguably the most impressive team of the tournament thus far. Mexico... well, Mexico advanced because their group included Angola and Iran. If Groups E and C are the Groups of Death, then Mexico's Group D was the Group of Delicious Cupcake Frosting. They accumulated a 1-1-1 record there, while Argentina sports a 2-0-1 record, including a 6-0 thrashing of Serbia & Montenegro.

Germany 2-0 Sweden [BBC Sport]
The New Group of Death [WorldCupBlog]

OK, so it wasn't a classic. It wasn't even the best match of the day (anyone see the thrilling comeback victory by the Ivory Coast, or, as Mischa Barton and I call them, "The IC?"). But that's what happens when you hype a game between two of soccer's superpowers who have little to gain and quite a bit to lose.

Don't get me wrong: The anticipation of seeing Argentina and Oranje resume their storied rivalry is enough to make certain Deadspin columnists (no names, of course) claim to be, cough, cough, a little under the weather. After all, who among us can forget where we were in 1978 — and yes, I realize some of you weren't BORN; it's a comic setup, roll with it — when the post-Johann Cryuff Dutch took host Argentina into overtime before losing 3-1 on two goals from the brilliant Mario Kempes. Or how about the gem in 1998, when the great Dennis Bergkamp brought down a 40-yard rainbow from Ronald de Boer with his instep as gently as if he were catching a snowflake on his tongue (yes, I know I'm a shameless Arsenal fetishist, continue rolling with it) before scoring the goal that eliminated the Argentines 2-1 in the quarters. This is a rivalry steeped in history and drama.

So how to explain the double bagel the two teams conspired to produce yesterday? Well, for starters, they were either resting many of their starters, or protecting them from picking up a second yellow. Moreover, they probably convinced themselves there wasn't a whole lot at stake. That is if you subscribe to the theory — and I don't — that one man's Portugal is another man's Mexico. I'd much rather take my chances with Mexico; while they are capable of cunning footwork and nails-hard defense, they also suffer from the soccer equivalent of ADD, manifesting itself in blown penalty kicks and bone-headed fouls.

So why did yesterday's game pretty much suck? The truth is, it didn't. Sure, if you're a soccerphobe like Kornheiser, Lupica and Leitch, you'll point out that this is yet another of those soul-crushing nil-nil draws that will forever keep soccer from dribbling into the Big Four (they still have a hockey league, right?). But that's like complaining that you had to sit through a Pedro Martinez-Tom Glavine pitcher's duel (they still have a baseball league, right?). (Ed. Note: Yes, they're on the same team. That doesn't mean they can't duel.) As for me, I saw this as an opportunity to watch the Argentines weave their attacking magic, to wallow in the incandescent skills of its two young conjurers, Mesi and Tevez, and, of course, to take the afternoon off. So it may have ended in a tie, but for me it was win-win.

While the game never fully burst into life, there were moments to savor. Incredible as it may seem, Mesi and Tavez had begun Argentina's two previous matches on the bench, a testament both to how loaded the Argentines are in attack and to coach Jose Pekerman's savvy nurturing of his prodigies. But Pekerman, looking ahead to the unforgiving competition of the knockout stages, knew he had to get them match-fit, so they started here in place of Crespo and Saviola. Mesi has been anointed the new Maradona by the old one, but it is Tevez, with his stocky frame and pit-bull menace who reminds me more of a young El Diablo. He is always moving forward, running at defenders as if they were stationary cones and looking to unleash his ferocious right-footed shot. In the first half yesterday, he got behind the Dutch defense with an audacious nutmeg and paid for his insouciance a minute later when Dirk Kuyt, in a fairly decent WWE move, grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the mat, er, ground. Undaunted, Tevez kept coming, firing five shots on goal, including a thunderous 20-yard drive in the 73rd minute that had Van der Saar at full stretch.

Holland's resilience and composure in the face of Argentina's firepower was impressive, especially with Van Basten resting five starters. It's not impossible that these two teams will meet again at the World Cup. I've already circled the date on my calendar — July 9 in Berlin.

Argentina has been perhaps the best team in the Cup so far, while the Netherlands have not exactly been shabby themselves.

And with that world class bit of analysis, we present live-blogger Daniel Salama, who will take us home today. Give us your mindset deconstructions, play along in the comments and don't cry for the Dutch, Dutch.

Full Time: No goals, as both teams seemed happy just to have advanced, which makes sense, since the Ivory Coast gave both teams all the could handle last week, and playing Serbia couldn't have been much fun. I had a good time Live-Blogging for you guys, and thanks for reading. Unfortunately, the game was less enthralling than my dramatic 5-3 simulated Argentine victory, as played on Xbox against my good friend Kiesman yesterday, but it had its moments. Except for the moments.

91:45 Tevez sneaks in behind the Dutch defense, but volleys over the net. Last chance there.

91:10 It was the latter.

91:00 Another corner for the Dutch. A dramatic injury time winner, or a header that goes closer to the corner flag than the keeper?

89:00 Mascherano steps on a Dutchmen's heel, picking up a needless yellow card and we are into injury time.

88:00 Babel wins a corner, and after Van Der Vaart's corner is partially cleared, the Dutch win another corner.This time, Argentina gets the ball out.

86:00 The dutch sub in Hedwiges "And The Angry Inch" Maduro for Wesley Sneijder. Apparently, his name means Ultimate Warrior in dutch. Ironically, my parents though about naming me Superfly, but it wasn't deemed "jewish enough".

84:30 Van Der Vaart with a free kick from well out, and he misses high and wide.

83:30 Only 10 minutes left or so, including injury time. Expect the Dutch to try and snatch a goal and the group in these last few minutes. They have nothing tangible to lose.

81:30 The anonymous british announcer describes coach Jose Pekerman (fantastic last name) as unflappable and nervous. I think that's impossible.

81:00 More solid defending. I really thought the Dutch backup defenders would be worse.

78:30 Babel is called for a foul while trying to get open after a De Cler cross. Argentina sub in Aimar, the former golden boy of Argentine football and heir to Maradona's role as a #10, for Riquelme, the man who relegated him to the bench. They appear to be friends, though, which I find surprising.

77:30 Sorry for the sporadic posting, but the game has slowed down again.

75:30 Argentina breaks down the wing, but a dangerous cross from Cufre is cleared by the Dutch.

73:00 Tevez shimmies away from a defender, and gets off a nice low shot from just outside the area, but Van Der Sar dives and makes a fine save.

69:00 Apparently, Dutch defender Andre Oojer's last name is pronounced the same way as the Kool Aid man's expression of joy.

67:30 Messi is subbed off for Cruz, a real powerful striker who mostly serves as Adriano's understudy at Inter Milan. Tough game for the phenom, but you can see why he's so hyped, what with the dribbling and passing and such.

66:30 The Dutch sub off Van Persie for a midfielder, which makes no sense, since a tie does them no good. Cocu gets another chance, this time from much further away, and he fires wide.

65:30 Cocu gets a shot off from a bad angle in the box, after some bad Argentine defending, but Abbondanzieri, the Argentine keeper, gets a hand to it. Close call there.

65:00 Oooh. Tevez beats the offside trap after a chip pass, but the pass is a little slow, and he has to come back for it. He tries to fall down and claim a penalty.

64:30 Riquelme dribbles three men, but ends up too wide to do anything constructive with the ball.

62:00 Cambiasso goes down injured. That's two important role players for Argentina who have been injured. You need someone to play defence when the rest of the team is attacking, and two of Argentina's lunch pail types have now gone down.

61:00 Messi tries to dribble half the dutch team, but it doesn't really work. I like that when you're his age, it's the "exuberance of youth", but when you're Riquelme's age, it's selfishness.

57:30 The Dutch win a free kick from 25-30 yards out. Van Der Vaart fires well wide. If Italy was playing, I would have guessed both teams had been paid not to score, judging by all the missed shots.

55:30 Van Nistelrooy is subbed out, replaced by promising youngster Ryan Babel from Ajax.

54:00 The Dutch don't really look very threatening, even with a lot of possession.

52:00 Messis and Riquelme play a give and go and give and go and give, but Riquleme fires wide after the beautiful setup.

50:00 Team Argentina need a coach solely for corner kicks. And maybe a barber.

49:00 The Dutch move the ball around, and get it into the box, but poor control from Van Persie ruins the play.

45:30 We're back for the second half. Javier Mascherano, who plays in Argentina but will one day soon be sold for a large amount of money to a rich european side, skies a shot well over the Dutch net. Not to be outdone, possible Van Persie promptly fires a free kick with even less accuracy than Mascherano.

Halftime: Hmm, I won't ruin the Serbia-Ivory Coast halftime score for you, but I will say that it sounds like a really good game, so catch that later if you can.

As for this game, it's been a little dissapointing so far. Both teams are resting a couple of players, and that seems to have disrupted the flow of both sides. Argentina looked the stronger of the two teams, especially near the end, but both teams seem content with a draw. Let's hope tthe second half is a little more wide open and offensive, and I think it will be, since these teams are too good not to score.

I'm not sure if Americans get the same commercials we do here, but in Canada, we basically have two commercials for every single game. One is about a goofy guy and his friends who go to Germany, and are shocked that the World Cup game they want to see is sold out. The other is that Adidas ad with the litle kids drafting Zidane, Beckham and others on to their team. They're both perfectly fine commercials, but after watching them 1000 times, i'm ready to boycott Adidas and whatever product the first one is attempting to sell.

45:00 Only one minute of injury time, but Argentina almost make it count. Messi gets a shot on goal (The Audio on TSN is down, but I think it was Messi) but it's right at Van Der Sar.

43:00 The announcer on TSN describes the match as "cagey", which means both teams have been horrible in front of goal.

40:00 Argentina win their 357th corner of the half, but they get nothing out of it.

36:00 Sadly, no shots of Maradona's attractive daughter in the stands. Think it was awkard for her to see her Dad have his watch taken from his arm by Italian police, which happened because of the Capone-esque 31 Million in back taxes he owes that country?

34:00 Dutch win a corner, but it's wasted. Argentina breaks, and Tevez almost beats his man, but it's cleared for another corner, which Van Der Sar is able to punch away.

31:00 In what would have been a nice bit of irony, had he scored, Maxi controls the ball well after a crossfield pass, but is unable to cut inside and score, as Bergkamp did 8 years ago. Seriously, go to Youtube and search for Bergkamp + Argentina. It's really a great goal.

28:00 Argentina damn near scores twice in one minute. The first opportunity is a Riquelme free kick that a Dutch defender slams off his own crossbar. Then, a minute later, Maxi Rodriguez, who netted twice against Serbia, narrowly misses from 25 yards out.

26:00 Wow. Riquelme almost scores on a corner. That was impressive. Van Der Sar just got a hand to that. The ensuing corner is long (bad Demarcus Beasley style crossing so far from both sides), but Argentina win a free kick...

24:00 First sub, as Burdisso is replaced by Coloccini. I guess having Ruud Van Nistelrooy fall on him hurt more than we had previously though.

22:00 Argentina have a chance to counter attack, but choose to slow it down and pass it around a little. They look like they can pass the ball for hours, and pretty much do, until Tevez ruins the whole thing by running offside.

21:00 the Dutch really need to learn to cross.

18:00 This game is really starting to pick up. Looks like the Dutch are trying to slowly break down the Argies, while Riquelme and Co. are happy to counter attack with speed. It started slow, but goals look to be coming.

16:00 Argentina show off their passing game, and Tevez almost curls a left footer in. A close up shows him to be missing several teeth, Mark Messier style. Wow. The Dutch come right back and almost score. Kuyt stole the ball inside the 18 and almost roofed it. Nice save kept it out, though.

14:00 Burdisso comes back on the field, and the Argies gain possession, but Riquelme's hrough pass is uncharacteristically bad, and goes out for a goal kick.

11:30 Kuyt crosses again, and this one is a little better, and forces a corner. It comes to nothing, except an injury for Burdisso, Argentina's right back. Van Nistelrooy fell on him, and since he looks like a horse, that would make Burdisso the jockey in this spill.

10:00 Both teams "feeling each other out", to use a vaguely dirty cliche. The Dutch work the ball down to Dirk Kuyt on the left wing, but his cross is long and goes out for a goal kick.

7:00 Heh. Messi is in the game too (bad job on the starting lineups World Soccer!) and he makes a nice pass to send Cambiasso in on goal, but a last second from one of the Dutch defenders saves the Oranje.

5.00 Argentina win a corner, and it's a nice delivery from Riquelme (who is playing, apparently). Holland clears it, and counter attacks, but it goes nowhere.

3:30: Dutch get a bit of possesion in the Argentina half, and win a free kick. First real opportunity of the match.Van Persie takes it, but it's not very good, and is grabbed by the keeper.

1:40 In the first real action in the game, Van Nistelrooy bowls over Ayala, and the Argies win a free kick.

0:00: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. As will said, my name is Daniel, and i'll be watching this game on TSN, which is Canada's version of ESPN, except here the marquee show is spelled Sportscentre.

As for the actual game, this could be a great one! The Netherlands played in the best game of Euro 2004 (A 3-2 loss to the Czechs), while in their last game Argentina beat Serbia and Montenegro so convincingly, and with such flair, that the latter country promptly (or retroactively by a week, but that ruins the joke) split in half.

The last time these two teams played each other, in France '98, the Dutch edged out the Argies in injury time, by virtue of a sublime goal from the foot of Dennis Bergkamp.

Both teams are through to the second round, and since Argentina has a huge edge in goal differential, a tie will suffice for them to top the group. The reward for winnning the group? You get to play Mexico, who couldn't score on Angola rather than the Portugese, who finished group play with the maximum 9 points after beating Mexico 2-1 this morning. The Portugese rested half their starting lineup (Foreshadowing people!) and still won the game.

Your probable starting lineups, courtesy of www.Worldsoccer.com

Argentina: Abbondanzieri; Burdisso, Ayala, Milito, Sorin; Rodriguez,
Mascherano, Cambiasso; Aimar; Tevez, Cruz

So, if you were hoping to see Riquelme, Crespo, Heinze or Saviola you're out of
luck. They're resting, either because they have a yellow card (and if they get
a second, that means they miss Argentina's Round of 16 match) or because
they're tired, presumably from running for president,

Leo Messi, should come in off the bench at some point, and he's a real treat to
watch.

Holland: Van der Sar; Kromkamp, Boulaharouz, Jaliens, De Cler; Van der Vaart,
Sneijder, Cocu; Kuyt, Van Nistelrooy, Van Persie

The Netherlands are resting their entire defence, against the highest scoring
team in the tourmanent. Coach Marco Van Basten is either really confident in
his backups, or he bet on Argentina (probably through the Italians, natch).

Strong midfield and forwards though, with Robin "Kobe" Van Persie playing
especially well at the moment, and only Arjen Robben, who possesses a 22 year
old's speed, and a 40 year old's receding hairline, being rested from the
Netherlands' big 3 up front.

Anyway, it's Argentina vs. Serbia & Montenegro, which, as several have pointed out, is not even close to the same thing as Roy and Montecore. And boy, how we've all missed Montecore jokes. A win for Argentina here sends them to the next round; a loss for the Serbs eliminates them from contention.

For the final time this week, The Mighty MJD is with you for all your live-blogging needs. Email him your thoughts, follow along in the comments and enjoy.

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90:00: Alright, that's it. I've enjoyed liveblogging for you... it's been fun. Enjoy the day, gang.

90:00: There's the whistle... and it's a 6-0 final. That was an assbeating... as big of a route as I've ever seen, in any sport.

90:00: Not really.

89:40: A FLURRY OF GOALS FOR SERBIA & MONTENEGRO, AND IT'S 7-6!

87:38: And it's 6-0 Argentina... they're not even celebrating goals anymore. This is incredible. Crespo to Teves to Messi... near post, under the goalie's outstretched leg. Probably should've been saved.

87:26: Pekerman, Pekerman, Pekerman...

86:54: And Crespo nearly does... goalie with the quality save.

86:22: Fuck it. Come on, Argentina, let's make it 6.

84:12: Shep compares Tevez to a fire hydrant.

83:54: Here comes Teves, having his way with the SerMon defense, just abusing people... and it's 5-0. Oh, that was slick...

83:08: Oleeeeeeeeeee, Ole Ole Oleee... Oleeeeeeee, O-Oleee...

80:45: SerMon player with the dumb hair is still trying... he's begging for a foul call now. Just get up and absorb the shame, man. Let's not prolong this.

80:05: Guy kicks the ball.

77:51: 4-0. Messi with a nice set-up for Crespo... he comes into the game, earns a foul, and off a free kick, sends a pass right across the box for Crespo.

77:32: Handed by the keeper.

76:52: Hey, a SerMon guy attempts a shot. I think the rest of the team is going to get mad at him for trying. Corner kick.

73:50: Hey, here comes Messi. Just because she asked...

73:03: Riquelme back-heels one to Crespo in the box... he's taken down, and that should've been a foul. Should've been a penalty kick there. Ref showing some mercy.

71:27: PLEASE JUST END.

69:16: Milosevic is coming off... that guy's absolutely murdered SerMon's chances here today.

68:26: Argentina's just hanging back now... so that brings the total number of teams who aren't trying up to two. Awesome.

65:51: This has turned into more of a liveblog of what Shep Messing says, as opposed to the actual soccer game.

64:28: Red card on Kezman. Oh, good, so there'll be 10 guys out there not trying. Kezman comes in with his cleats up... Shep calls it a violent attempt to injure. The SerMon coach looks to be on the brink of suicide. Shep says he's as good as fired.

61:04: Wow. Shep and Glenn are hammering SerMon. Glenn Davis says they have absolutely no desire to even try to get the ball back, and Shep says they should just walk off the field. I think that would be kind of awesome.

58:00: Substitution for Argentina... Saviola's off, and Carlos Tevez is on.

57:38: Yaaaaaawn.

54:45: Hey, a chance for SerMon. Milosevic just missed it with his head, though it seemed like he had the time there to settle it down and take his time. Milosevic is not as deadly as you might think.

53:50: Free kick here, just outside the top of the box for Argentina. A 7-man wall for SerMon. Riquelme taking it... bounces it off the wall.

53:07: Riquelme plays a ball through a guy's legs... Shep says that's liable to get him "cracked."

51:40: Very nearly a fourth goal for Argentina... they love the one touch passing. Shep calls it a "cheeky flick."

50:56: Crespo again creates some room for himself, and fires a shot in on goal. Saved comfortably.

49:07: Another substitution for SerMon... on comes a guy with ridiculous striped hair. He's got three blonde stripes running straight back through his brown hair.

48:04: Saviola with the ball... Glenn Davis says he's "tempting and teasing." I think there might be something going on between Shep and Glenn. I wonder which one plays the role of striker.

46:49: That Ergic character does put together a nice run, ended just outside the box. SerMon is coming out with some more vitality here. I really wouldn't have blamed them for just packing it in.

46:07: Well-cleared.

45:30: Hey, a shot on goal that required the Argentinian keeper to move. I didn't see that coming. And a corner.

45:00: SerMon starts the second half with a sub. Ergic is on for Nadj. Two names that mean absolutely nothing to me.

45:00: UM - No, Teves is not playing... nor is Messi. Oops.

45:00: And we're going to halftime. And for your enjoyment, here's the Shep Messing poster I was speaking of. Take 15 minutes and let your imagination have a good time with it...

44:40: Alright, corner here for SerMon. Blasted through the box. Kezman crosses it back in, but it's taken care of.

43:46: This one's over. If SerMon comes back to win this thing, I will hang a poster of Shep Messing on the ceiling above my bed.

40:32: And it's 3-0. The onslaught continues. Saviola shoves a SerMon guy off the ball in his defensive corner, and just takes it toward the goal. Rodriguez ends up putting it away again... and Argentina is all the way impressive. This is the best I've see a team play yet in this tournament.

38:02: This game is reminding me a great deal of the Czech/USA game... in other words, I see very little reason to believe that SerMon can get back in the mix here.

34:12: Crespo nearly gets to a cross that would've extended the lead to three.

33:29: So much for that SerMon defense, huh? I know they're missing Vidic, but... Argentina just made them look silly. Just undressed them.

30:25: Alright, that was the most beautiful goal scored yet in this entire tournament. Nice touch after nice touch, a little back-heel pass at the end... just an incredible possession. Find a TV and catch this replay at halftime. It will sexually arouse you. Esteban Cambiasso with the finish, which was actually the least impressive thing about the play. Deezamn. 2-0 Argentina. My mouth is still hanging open.

28:35: The ref is calling everything today. A long free kick for SerMon makes for an easy save for the Argentian keeper with a long same.

26:44: Ooooh... Riquelme creates some room for himself just outside the box, but sends a shot high over the bar. A little flash of brilliance there, left unfinished.

25:42: SerMon with a free kick of their own in good position here... beautifully done, towards the backpost, but a SerMon player put a bear hug on someone in the box. Foul called, goal kick.

24:42: Keeper gets his hand on it, but Crespo just missed with a lunging effort. That wide-open pace I promised, by the way, has not materialized.

24:09: Riquelme on the free kick... it's a laser, but headed safely out. But it gets Argentina a corner...

21:06: Argentina's head coach is named Jose Pekerman, and it's pronounced exactly like you'd hope it would be.

19:54: Nice sustained possession here for SerMon... putting some nice passes together.

17:57: Nice ball into the box for SerMon... unable to convert it, though, but a nice set-up. They're getting forward a little bit more now.

17:18: Corner is handled by the keeper.

16:00: Luis Gonzalez is getting the stretcher. Esteban Cambiasso is in for him.

15:38: Corner here for SerMon.

12:37: Goal kick.

11:38: Argentina keeping the pressure on. Free kick here in the SerMon third of the field. Riquelme is taking it.

9:06: A shot from just outside the box from Đorđević, who specializes in putting lines through his "d"s.

8:02: SerMon's got to go for it now. They're out of this thing if they lose, and the Dutch get any kind of a result today. This game could be a wide open affair.

5:09: GINOBILI! Argentina's on the board. Maxi Rodriguez gets a beautiful pass from Saviola, and they're on the board. That was perfect. Great set-up, precision pass, great strike... beautiful. 1-0 Argentina.

3:16: Apparently, neither Messi or Tevez are in the line-up today. Oops.

1:47: Cleared again.

0:55: A corner for Argentina, 55 seconds in. Near post, it's driven out, a second cross, and it's cleared again. Another corner, same side.

0:08: We're underway... unfortunately, Argentina isn't sporting their classic light blue uniforms. I like those. They're in navy, SerMon in white.

0:00: Oh, good... Glenn Davis and Shep Messing. This is a pretty clear indication that my entire day is going to suck.

0:00: By the way, I believe this will be MJD's last World Cup liveblog here on Deadspin, which I'm guessing will not leave you in tears, as I'm pretty sure I'm the worst of all the Deadspin soccer livebloggers. But, you know, I'm getting a little tired of starting my mornings with the voice of Shep Messing, anyway. Lord knows that happened enough even before the World Cup.

0:00: Things you should know about Serbia & Montenegro. Well, they have a really long name, and there's no way I'm typing that out again today. I'm thinking "SerMon" would be an adequate replacement. They'll bring a contrast of style against the Argentinians... their biggest strength is defense. They allowed just one goal in ten matches during qualifying. That is freakishly good. If you're looking for a likely goal scorer, it's Mateja Kezman, and their best set-up man is Dejan Stankovic. We've got an '04 Pistons vs. '06 Suns matchup here this morning.

0:00: Things you should know about Argentina: To start with, they're really, really, good. They pass the ball like a team of 11 Magic Johnsons. Juan Román Riquelme leads the attack as a playmaking midfielder. Lionel Messi is capable of greatness, and Carlos Tévez just finished an MVP-season in the Brazilian league. They're a cup favorite, probably the most popular pick behind Brazil.

• 1. If You Have To Ask, You Can't Afford Him. Hernan Crespo, Argentina's star forward, is one of the most expensive soccer players of all time with a combined transfer fee of £68,000,000 (about $122 million for those scoring at home). He has never been sold for less than £16,000,000. — (thanks to Matt Rollins).

• 2. Caution: Do Not Open At Work. It's hard to argue that anyone has done more to popularize Argentina's national team than Keyra Augustina, who proudly sported a version of Carlos Tevez's jersey in those glorious photos. — (thanks to Cliff Schexnayder).

• 3. This Time, It's Personal. Can't wait for June 21, Argentina vs. the Netherlands at Gelsenkirchen. Rematch of France 1998, in which Ariel Ortega headbutted Edwin Van Der Sar (notice how that is almost impossible) AND an all-time class goal from Dennis Bergkamp. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

• 4. The Hand Of God Goal. Diego Armando Maradona, regarded by some as the greatest player in the history of the game, is truly a rags-to-riches story. Born in a shantytown on the outskirts of Buenos Aires, he was spotted by a talent scout at the age of 10 while playing on a neighborhood club team. He led Argentina to the 1986 Word Cup championship with a 3-2 win over West Germany. But it was one of his two goals against England in the '86 quarterfinals that was voted Goal of the Century in a 2002 online poll conducted by FIFA. (The other goal, he later admitted, was scored illegally with the help of his hand).

(Tomorrow: Poland)