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New York, 8:00 AM
Mon Nov 30
17 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Warm Butt Mudd Warm Butt Mudd
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    My freshman year of high school, I played basketball. We had a very good team (Everyone was black), and I was the only white kid. This was the high school that Rajon Rondo attended, and we were regularly ranked in the top 100 nationally. My coach was a monster. He was about 6'9'', and had played ball at Butler and for the Pistons. The guy was nuts, had an anger problem, and acted like the Undertaker when he got mad. I was 6'7'' as a freshman, so I was for some reason treated like a god-send for the team...even though I just played because dad wanted me to. So when I failed, coach loved nothing more than to take it out on me. The white guy...

    Our freshman team was undefeated and we were going into a game against a private school of all white kids. At half time my team was winning by about 25, and the gym was in shock because there was more black on the court than they had ever seen before.

    During the second half the white kids on the other team did what white people do, and made about 5 three-pointers in a row. Coach called a time out and went off. The gym at this Christian private school was being filled with obscenities and statements like "HOW ARE THESE WHITES KEEPING IN THE GAME. THEYRE FUCKING WHITE AND CANT DO ANYTHING BUT SHOOT." He then stared at me and started yelling at me. Keep in mind I already had about 30 points and 10000 rebounds, and I was a center, who in no way should be responsible for three-point shots. He took his clip board, placed in on my stomach, and proceeded to punch a hole in it. His hand went straight though it, and into my gut. I immediately puked onto the floor. Of course everyone was staring at him, and saw the whole thing unfold. I threw him on the ground, and walked home. Fuck that guy. But he got fired, and I excelled in my basketball career- quitting by my junior season because cigarettes and whisky are a lot more fun than basketball.
     Reply
    BruschisBrewsky approved this comment Warm Butt Mudd was starred Warm Butt Mudd was unstarred
    Image of BruschisBrewsky BruschisBrewsky
    11/23/09

    @Warm Butt Mudd: Pictures or it didn't happen.
     Reply
    BruschisBrewsky was starred BruschisBrewsky was unstarred
    Image of Phintastic Phintastic
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    Boy these stories really make me look forward to letting some random idiot coach my kids.
     Reply
    Phintastic was starred Phintastic was unstarred
    Image of BruschisBrewsky BruschisBrewsky
    11/23/09

    @Phintastic: Simple, always remember to pack your kid's shower shorts.
     Reply
    Edited by BruschisBrewsky at 11/23/09 6:22 PM BruschisBrewsky was starred BruschisBrewsky was unstarred
    Image of Phintastic Phintastic
    11/23/09

    @BruschisBrewsky:

    The yelling maniacs are almost just as troubling as the pervs.
     Reply
    Phintastic was starred Phintastic was unstarred
    Image of chuckv chuckv
    11/23/09

    @Phintastic: Boy these stories really make me look forward to coaching my kids.

    Fixed
     Reply
    Phintastic promoted this comment chuckv was starred chuckv was unstarred
    Image of Phintastic Phintastic
    11/24/09

    @chuckv:

    True dat
     Reply
    Phintastic was starred Phintastic was unstarred
    Image of formerly Chief Wahoo formerly Chief Wahoo
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    Where were you guys when I needed corroboration for my "Coaches shower with the athletes" rule? I haven't coached field hockey since.
     Reply
    formerly Chief Wahoo was starred formerly Chief Wahoo was unstarred
    Image of Steve U Steve U
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    I can't wait for Brendon Small's "A-Hole Coach Digest" submission.
     Reply
    Steve U was starred Steve U was unstarred
    Image of BruschisBrewsky BruschisBrewsky
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    Robert Downey Jr. has already signed up to play the douchebag lacrosse coach in the Lifetime Network movie.
     Reply
    Edited by BruschisBrewsky at 11/23/09 5:59 PM BruschisBrewsky was starred BruschisBrewsky was unstarred
    Image of Karlifornia Karlifornia
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    I don't know if this story has the same humor as the other ones you guys have published

    Coach C just pinched the tips of his thumb and index fingers really close together and said "Don't worry, Zach, you provided me with many laughs"
     Reply
    Edited by Karlifornia at 11/23/09 5:46 PM Karlifornia was starred Karlifornia was unstarred
    Image of Kid Canada Kid Canada
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    The team was composed of 9 13-year-olds, a couple 1-year-olds, and 2 15-year-olds

    To be fair, I was a pretty shitty baseball player at age 1 as well.
     Reply
    Kid Canada was starred Kid Canada was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    A.)Fuck Moose.

    Q. How does Sarah Palin keep in such good shape?
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of ChanHoParkour ChanHoParkour
    11/23/09

    @twoeightnine: that would be fuck meese.
     Reply
    twoeightnine promoted this comment ChanHoParkour was starred ChanHoParkour was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    11/23/09

    @ChanHoParkour: I thought it was moosen?
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    11/23/09

    @twoeightnine: A moose bit my sister once...
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of StuScott Booyahs StuScott Booyahs
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    Finally, A-Hole Coach Digest and Great Moments in Poop History intersect.
     Reply
    StuScott Booyahs was starred StuScott Booyahs was unstarred
    Image of Bobby Big Wheel Bobby Big Wheel
    11/23/09

    In reply to A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: Coach Will Watch You Shower Now
    Uncle Rico was a pederast? Explains a lot in that movie.
     Reply
    Bobby Big Wheel was starred Bobby Big Wheel was unstarred
    Image of BruschisBrewsky BruschisBrewsky
    11/20/09

    In reply to Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns
    I've heard he's retiring to spend more time working on his true passion of fondling little boys behind the local library.
     Reply
    BruschisBrewsky was starred BruschisBrewsky was unstarred
    Image of formerly Chief Wahoo formerly Chief Wahoo
    11/20/09

    In reply to Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns
    The night Pat Murphy resigned is a night I'll never forget.
     Reply
    formerly Chief Wahoo was starred formerly Chief Wahoo was unstarred
    Image of dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac
    11/20/09

    In reply to Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns
    Blame Drew: New York Man Suffocates on Pre-Nuptial Agreement.
     Reply
    dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac was starred dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac was unstarred
    Image of When_you_get_the_money_you_get_the_Micah_Hoffpauir When_you_get_the_money_you_get_the_Micah_Hoffpauir
    11/20/09

    In reply to Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns
    This is kind of a shame. Murphy was an awesome coach and guy. He turned ND baseball into something and has kept ASU a national powerhouse. I was lucky enough to meet him a few times at baseball camps in HS. Funny. Honest. Crude. Amazing recruiter. Dude was legit. I hope that someone close to him isn't sick or something horrible like that and it is just a plain and simple retirement.

    Here's to you Coach Murphy.

    /Pounds bottle of Jack.
    //Stabs voodoo doll of Drew.
     Reply
    Drew Magary promoted this comment When_you_get_the_money_you_get_the_Micah_Hoffpauir was starred When_you_get_the_money_you_get_the_Micah_Hoffpauir was unstarred
    Image of I Like Cheap Beer I Like Cheap Beer
    11/20/09

    In reply to Blame Drew: ASU Baseball Coach Pat Murphy Resigns
    If I send Drew and email detailing Andy Reid being an asshole at a charity event, will you please post it, no questions asked?
     Reply
    FlakJack promoted this comment Edited by I Like Cheap Beer at 11/20/09 5:18 PM I Like Cheap Beer was starred I Like Cheap Beer was unstarred
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