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lady on the move duan
goalie goal
Because Hirshey isn't filing today, it's up to us to provide your daily dose of soccer bidness. Here's a goal a low-level British soccer league. More »
A Soccer Goal Like Few Others
Because Hirshey isn't filing today, it's up to us to provide your daily dose of soccer bidness. Here's a goal a low-level British soccer league. More »
roulette is awesome
Newcastle Owner Now Slightly Richer
Newcastle have been on quite a run as of late, and Mike Ashley is taking full advantage. The club's billionaire owner recently strolled into his local casino (note to self: move to England) and had a seat at the roulette wheel, the greatest table game of them all. Ashley decided to make the boldest bet of all, known as a "complete", on his favorite number, 17. For those unfamiliar this bet entails placing a maximum wager on the number itself, each of the four corners, as well as the splits on every number touching the centermost betting square. He then proceeded to plop chips down on black, odd, and first 18 for a total bet of £480,000 ($945,984). Guess what happened... More »
stay away from her, ashley!
Footballers and the Porn Stars Who Love Them
Earlier in the week Chelsea celebrated their Champion's League semi-final triumph (don't tell Jose) over Liverpool with a field trip to popular London night spot. Needless to say, their presence did not go unnoticed by fellow club enthusiasts. More »
premier league closer
United Move Closer, Lose Nani
Manchester United dominated West Ham en route to a 4-1 victory, holding off Chelsea for another week. Ronaldo netted a double for the Red Devils before his countryman Nani received a red card for a blatant headbutt to Lucas Neill's nose. Now Nani will be forced to sit out the final match of the season against Wigan. A win there for United and there will be nothing Chelsea can do to overcome the gap. Dean Ashton of West Ham had the most stylish goal of the match, while my boy Carlos Tevez added an absolute rocket to shut the door on the Hammers. More »
david hirshey is the closer
Congrats, Sigh, To Uncle Avram
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
I'm the last to admit when I'm wrong. Like all the other Avram Grant cynics, I never believed for a minute right up until the 120th minute of yesterday's epic Champions League semifinal between Chelsea and Liverpool that Uncle Avram could lead the Blues to the Promised Land — better known as Moscow.
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she says, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
Ronaldo's Big Tranny Adventure; The Next Day
So here's a photo of one of the "ladies" who had a run-in with AC Milan soccer star Ronaldo on Monday. Not a bad effort I suppose, but I wouldn't need the entire running time of The Crying Game to guess this secret, would you? New details of the magical evening have emerged, so after you have made the Ann Coulter joke of your choosing, let's proceed. More »
oh, like this has never happened to beckham
Ronaldo Plays The Crying Game
In soccer there is only one thing more humiliating than an own goal; it's when you pick up three prostitutes and later discover that they're all transvestites. (I can see you nodding in agreement). Poor Ronaldo. Not only did he receive "the Brazilian Surprise," but then when he tried to bribe the faux ladies into keeping quiet about it, one of them wanted more money than the AC Milan superstar was willing to shell out. Hilarity of course ensued. More »
david hirshey is the closer
Chelsea Might Really Pull This Thing Off
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
Even I had a lump in my throat when I saw Chelsea take the field on Saturday in black armbands, honoring the recent death of Frank Lampard's mother. Turns out that my lump was just some undigested French Toast, but still you have to admire the Oprah-like sensitivity this bunch of preening, squabbling egomaniac multimillionaires showed for a brief, shining moment.
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david hirshey is the closer
The Zen-Like Qualities Of An Own Goal
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
Say this for John Arne Riise. As diving headers go, it was textbook, a classic, one for the year-end highlight reel. The Liverpool defender launched himself at the ball with fearless abandon and rocketed it into the top of the net. The keeper never had a chance.
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heroin addicts
Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk
It's tough to incentivize a person trying to kick a heroin habit. The only thing you can give them that would make them happy is, uh, more heroin, and that won't do. So England is trying something new: Giving away soccer tickets. More »
david hirshey is the closer
Man U Rubs It In
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
Go ahead, bow down. Heel before Manchester United like you would a certain overdressed German guy with a pointy hat who's playing to a sold out Yankee Stadium this week. They deserve it. They stand on the cusp of pulling off an astonishing double championship, and they have done it with style and panache. So why am I not ready to genuflect?
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david hirshey is the closer
The Real Reason Arsenal Crapped Out
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
I blame myself. I fucked with my own mojo this week, and, in doing so, cursed Arsenal.
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brazilian soccer dwarves
Under The Brazilian Rainbow
Via Sports By Brooks comes this seemingly tall tale about these terrifying little fellers , who are supposedly part of Brazil's all dwarf soccer team, the "Gigantes do Norte."Even though this squad is not even close to being gigante in physical size, they are so in spirit, apparently. More »
the morning soccer post
A Final Four Without One Shining Moment
England's the country with the silent "u" in a lot of words, like colour and parlour, right? Yet both Brits and Yanks spell it "Final Four." And what's the deal with Ovaltine? Britain's FA Cup is down to four (finally!), starting the semifinal madness with West Bromfield Albion and Portsmouth. Neither of them were a 1-seed, which in England is called a 1-dilly. (Maybe.) More »
david hirshey is the back door closer
Soccer? Gay? Whaaaaat?
Leave it up to a foreigner to figure out why Americans are so down on soccer. This snippet culled from an editorial on football.uk.com written by Marty Mercado maps out all the reasons the U.S. ignores the sport: overcommercialization, not enough scoring, too multicultural, and, of course, because it's gayer than Easter. More »
david hirshey is the closer
David Beckham Is Allegedly Back In The MLS
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
It's not often that I plan my Saturday night around watching a MLS game, especially when it kicks off right when my man Tyler Hansbrough is in the midst of giving little Ricky Pitino a facial for the ages. But this was not just any MLS game, it was the showcase match of the league's opening weekend, and it involved a certain English underwear model who plays for the LA Galaxy and, who from all accounts, was finally healthy and ready to justify his "$250 million" hype as the latest Messiah of American Soccer.
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heel turn
