the-machine Page index.xml - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Chinese Government Is Gamergating Daryl Morey
In summary: On Friday night, Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey tweeted a fairly bland slogan-like expression of support—“Fight for Freedom. Stand with Hong Kong.”—for ongoing protests against the mainland Chinese government’s encroachment on the autonomy of Hong Kong. Because the Rockets a...
Frog-March This Revolting Gymnastics Robot Directly Into The Fires Of Mount Doom
Here is the most disgusting video I’ve watched on the internet in a long time:...
Kevin Durant Wishes To Separate Himself From "The Machine," But Plugs Into It Daily
J.R. Moehringer has a rich profile of Kevin Durant, in the middle of his Achilles rehab, up at the Wall Street Journal today. The new Brooklyn Net drains deep threes in a swimming pool, explains the decay of his relationship with Oklahoma City, details the purported offensive limitations of the Gold...
Maybe You Just Like Watching Baseball Games
FiveThirtyEight, Nate Silver’s math blog, published an article by Travis Sawchik yesterday under the headline “Do We Even Need Minor League Baseball?” In the piece, Sawchik argues that advancements in technology and data analysis have made both the discernment of genuine major-league baseball talent...
Virtually No One In San Diego Is Listening To Sports Radio Goon Dan Sileo
You may ask, “Who is Dan Sileo?” Reader, you are lucky—and not alone. The ex-Miami Hurricanes football player and sports radio lunk, who has twice been fired for moronic remarks, is drawing in no listeners on the disastrous San Diego radio station 97.3 The Fan....
San Diego's Month-Old Radio Station Was Already Forced To Redo Its Whole Lineup
Farewell, 97.3 The Machine. We never knew ye....
This San Diego Radio Station Has Existed For A Month And Is Already A Disaster
At the beginning of March, Entercom announced the launch of 97.3 The Machine, a new San Diego-based station with talk shows and sports programming. It’s not even the end of the month, and The Machine has already been involved in a feud and a fuckup that might jeopardize its relationship with the Pad...
These Dumbass Robots In Sweaters Are Terrible At Skiing
Just an hour outside of Pyeongchang, scientists and students unleashed a small group of robot minions onto the slopes, much to the delight of the gathered populace. These bloodthirsty, unfeeling menaces may be able to turn a bit, but thankfully, they are horrible at skiing:...
I Can't Wait To See Tech Dweebs Own Themselves By Wearing These Things On Their Faces
Listen. I am old. And one of the things that happened along my way to becoming old was that I recognized, and even came to derive some comfort from recognizing, that the things I value—privacy, the company of my loved ones, good health, not having what look like limo-tinted jeweler’s glasses from th...
How Not To Make Coffee
How you make coffee is, you bring the dried and roasted and probably ground seeds of a Coffea plant together with some water, typically hot, for some period of time, and this turns the water into coffee. That’s it. It is not a complicated procedure....
The<i> New Yorker</i> Has Invented Blogging
Big news from the New Yorker: The venerated magazine is shaking things up by introducing a new “short-form news product” where writers go online to “respond to the news.” Newyorker.com editor Michael Luo explains:...
No Delivery
Here is a scenario that you have probably found yourself in recently: It’s 7:00 p.m., you’re finally home from work after a long day of whatever it is that you do all day at work, and you’re out of food. You don’t want to walk to the grocery store (ugh!), chop up and heat the foodstuffs you’ve purch...
I Am Very Excited To Give Amazon The Power To Unlock The Door To My Home
Great news for insane people and morons: Amazon has disrupted the lock! Now, you can choose to pay money to grant this giant faceless hell-corporation the ability to send strangers inside your locked home when you’re not there. Just like you always wanted....
The Corporation Does Not Always Have To Win
As you’ve surely* seen by now, the big story of the day has to do with viral videos of some confusing group of United Airlines security and/or cops—it doesn’t matter, they’re all The Man—violently dragging a ticketed passenger out of his seat and off an overbooked Sunday flight. A computer had rand...
Pat Burrell's Still Got It
Baseball has been a much more boring sport ever since Pat "The Machine" Burrell decided to hang up the spikes. But Burrell hasn't left us completely behind. Now a scout with the Giants, Burrell showed up at yesterday's game to take a few hacks in BP. Wearing slacks and a pair of Vans, the ol' slugge...
Surfing Footage Shot By A Drone Justifies The Existence Of Drones
See, not all drones are terrifying machines that rain death from above. Some of them are just chill little quad copters with camera's attached to them that are perfectly suited to capture surfers doing awesome things. This drone is cool with us, bro. ...
Luke Donald Was Nearly Disqualified From The Masters Because Someone Didn't Read A Fax Properly
Controversy at Augusta! There was some debate about whether Luke Donald shot a 5 or a 3 at the par-4 fifth hole in today's opening round. Donald's scorecard showed a 3, but a bunch of eagle-eyed sportswriters no doubt watching on TV from the media tent looked up from their catered lunch to notice he...
Pat Burrell Is Retiring, But "The Machine" Just Might Live On
MLB Trade Rumors had it first, and noted rich guy Jon Heyman confirmed on Twitter: Pat Burrell is retiring. The thumping, lumbering outfielder posted a .253/.361/.472 line in 12 MLB seasons, most of them with the Phillies. He had ranked 25th among active players in home runs. He won two World Series...
We Heard From The Robot, And It Wrote A Better Story About That Perfect Game
This morning we covered Will Roberts, the University of Virginia player who threw a perfect game yesterday. More specifically, the game story at GWSports.com, which only bothered to mention the little fact of 27-up-27-down in the penultimate paragraph....
Pat Burrell Is The Machine. Fact.
In a post titled "Pat Burrell Says Hello!," BarStool Sports has seemingly put to rest any questions about the identity of Brian Wilson's special gimp-gear-laden pal, affectionately called The Machine....