A Sensible Man In Gainesville Wants Restraining Orders Against Tebow, Obama, And Jesus

John D. Gilliand of Gainesville, Florida, filed three petitions for injunction for protection against repeat violence last week — against everyone’s favorite Messiah Tim Tebow, President Barack Obama, and, to complete this holy trinity, Jesus.

Gilliand’s petitions explain that Tebow, Obama, and Jesus are all in gangs and are guilty of making gang symbols at him. Actually, sir, those are just huddle signals, fist jabs, and the sign of the cross. But your confusion is understandable.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that in the petition against Tebow, Gilliand wrote that he “was trespassed from the Kangaroo Gas Station on University for saying T-Bo sucks.” The filing is available on Alachua County Clerk of the Court’s website (just press “Login”). All three petitions were denied on the same day Gilliand filed them, but the Sentinel reports that he also filed “supplemental affidavits” against Tebow and President Obama on Tuesday afternoon to push the court to consider the restraining orders. Perhaps he decided that Tebow counts for Jesus here.

Gilliand may just be totally insane, but he did have one sensible observation to add. “I personally hate any type of exercise,” he wrote in last week’s filings, “although I feel Billy Blanks has a wonderful video.” Credibility restored.

Man requests restraining order against Tim Tebow, Obama, Jesus [Orlando Sentinel]