American Defender Matt Miazga Fined For Honking Opponent's Dick

Not long ago, exciting young American center back Matt Miazga was out in England effectively ending the Chelsea careers of legendary players John Terry and Radamel Falcao. The defender is now in the Netherlands honing his craft with Vitesse on loan from Chelsea, and he’s still threatening to end careers. This time, reproductive ones.

A couple weeks ago in a match against Heerenveen, Miazga took a big ol’ handful of full back Denzel Dumfries’s baby maker and gave it a squeeze. Cameras caught that event and another in which a teammate of Miazga’s elbowed poor Dumfries, which was obviously a bad look for the all involved. Though from his pretty chill demeanor in this postgame interview with the wonderfully named Dumfries, it looks like neither blow did him too much lasting damage:

Today, Vitesse announced that they’ve decided to fine Miazga an undisclosed sum for the dick move, describing it as “inappropriate behavior.” Here’s hoping that the next time Miazga puts the squeeze on an opponent—be it for Vitesse, Chelsea, or the USMNT—he does so only metaphorically.