MLB Page 1294 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dodgers Lose Another One, This Time To The Rulebook
We love it when a manager uses the rulebook to his advantage. Bruce Bochy caught acting Dodgers manager Don Mattingly inadvertently stepping off the mound during the visit to his pitcher, and the resulting nitpick gave the Giants a victory....
Carl Crawford Takes A Major League Nutshot
Here's Crawford taking a pickoff throw in a very sensitive area. He would leave the game, with our sympathies....
Today In Things Making You Fatter: Baseball
Shocking news out of the halls of SI today: all-you-can-eat deals at baseball games are extremely unhealthy, and teams might have some ethical obligation to stop such promotions. To the pull-quotes!...
It's Your Last Chance To See Lou Piniella Gesticulate Wildly On The Field
Lou Piniella will retire following this season, adding yet another name to the ignoble list of those the Cubs have irrevocably broken. [Chicago Breaking Sports]...
John Kruk Thinks Prince Fielder Isn't Too Fat
Teams should pay Fielder millions of dollars and not worry about his weight, says a man who was paid millions of dollars and refused to drop pounds. He then proceeded to pick his teeth with one of Mickey Morandini's de-fleshed ribs. [ESPN.com]...
Announcers Get Fan's Gender Wrong, Repeatedly
Either no one explained to the Indians announcers how mommies and daddies or different, or they saw the large bosom and Packers shirt and assumed it was your typical Wisconsin man. [h/t Kevin]...
Rangers Pitcher Hit In Head With Comeback Liner
Tonight in the bottom of the 6th, Rangers reliever Dustin Nippert took a hard liner to the head courtesy of the Tigers' Austin Jackson. Nippert seemed shaken but ultimately walked himself off. He is currently listed as day-to-day, according to MLB.com....
Win The Game, Carl Pavano's Gonna Fist Your Anus. That's Just The Way Life Goes.
Delmon Young's single capped a four-run ninth, and set off a celebration the likes of which his colon had never seen. Also, this is pretty much the perfect metaphor for what Carl Pavano did to the Yankees for four years....
David Huff Avenges Alleged Twitter-Induced Indians Snub By Pitching Shutout
Huff claimed his Twitter was hijacked by some phantom, who informed his followers last Friday he would start for the Indians yesterday. Cleveland management, unimpressed by his presumptions, didn't call him up. Angered by the snub, Huff went on topitch masterfully yesterday....
Won't You Please Help Protect Our Fragile Baseball Players?
Russell Branyan is day-to-day after stubbing his toe while closing the curtains. Mat Latos goes on the DL with a strain suffered while attempting to hold back a sneeze. This is where you lie and claim a tranny hooker beat you up....
When Gary Carter Gets Into It With A Child, You Know Security's Going To Get Involved
I can't really blame Carter here. He knows the rules about only signing specific items, and so does the "fan" who baits him. Poor kid: in one day he learns that ballplayers can be mean, and that his dad's a douche. [Via]...
David Ortiz Swears In Spanish During Home Run Derby, Announcers Hilariously Mistranslate
During his first round of derbying, David Ortiz took a break to wipe himself down and sip some of Rafael Soriano's Gatorade. Then he said "pussy" in Spanish, and Berman and Joe Morgan thought he meant something else. Let's break it down....
Pablo Sandoval, Noted Fatass, To Speak To Children About Heart Health
Thanks, PR person from the American Heart Association, for letting us know about the 250-plus lb. Sandoval telling children how to eat right and keep their hearts healthy. What, was George Steinbrenner not available?...
Who's The Boss: The Greatest Hits Of George Steinbrenner
Steinbrenner's been out of the public eye for a few years, but we'll always have the memories — memories of one insane move or proclamation after another. Here's a look at some of his finest moments....
YES Network Eulogizes George Steinbrenner With Sensitively Chosen Pull Quote
Whoever did this should be fired and rehired, in the man's honor. H/T reader Adem...
George Steinbrenner Is Dead At 80
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has died after suffering a massive heart attack. He was 80. Quoth commenter Eddie Murray Sparkles: "Jesus is getting a haircut as we speak."...
Brad Lidge Signs A Fake Leg
Here's the Phillies' closer taking the time to sign a prosthetic limb after a recent game. Other players who claim not to have the time to sign for fans? Well, they no longer have a leg to stand on. [Crossing Broad]...
Vin Scully Is Still The Best Broadcaster In The Universe Ever, Says Men's Magazine Compiling A List
Does anyone think Vin Scully sucks? Anyone in the world? He seems like the last living universally beloved person on the planet. Besides Santa. And, poor, poor Hawk Harrelson....
Young Fan's Interference Leads To Mariners Loss, Priceless Expressions Of Wounded Innocence
In the eighth inning last night, Russell Branyan hit a chopper down the line that rolled into foul territory and was picked up by a teenager—preventing Ichiro from tying the game. Watch the young man's excitement turn to horror. [MLB.com]...
Rev Up The Outrage; MLB Apotheosizes, Fellates Strasburg In New Ad
Koufax. Gibson. Ryan. Strasburg. Now, MLB's not saying he's as good as them, but if six games are any judge, he's better!...