MLB Page 1359 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17po8uagmcz3wjpg.jpg)
We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]
We asked you on Monday, after a particularly objectionable item ran in the New York Post, to write the dumbest story ever about Derek Jeter. You did not let us down. ...

Better Know An Umpire: Rob Drake
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

Bryce Harper To Prying Canadian Reporter: "That's A Clown Question, Bro"
Must be tough doing business in the Toronto press corps. The town’s favorite team is toast by February every year. You can do “Where Is Gary Roberts Now?” or “At Home With Nazem Kadri” only so many times. Sometimes you have to write about the Blue Jays and their opponents, and, yes, there are a fe...

Twins Fan Catches Foul Ball Without Interrupting Cell Phone Conversation
"Right. Uh huh. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Oh, boy. ... Here it ... I gotta ... Huh. ... OK, right. Oh, I know, totally. [Here you go, hun.] What's that? Oh, nothing. Listen, lemme call you back."...

The Mets Are Milking Johan Santana's No-Hitter For All It's Worth
Not simply content with selling $50 replica game tickets, the Mets are now auctioning off a slew of game-used items from Johan Santana's June 1 no-hitter against the St. Louis Cardinals, with each item signed by Santana himself. Want David Wright's game-worn jersey? That'll run you $1,650. A game-us...

Better Know An Umpire: Ed Rapuano
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

Kenyan Schoolchildren Reenact Game 6 Of The 1986 World Series
This has been going around for a week (we saw it when Keith Law tweeted it this morning) and it is picture perfect. From "Mookie Wilson" waving Kevin Mitchell to the plate, to "Bill Robinson" jumping up and down as the ball rolls through Buckner's legs, to "Ray Knight"'s hands on the back of his h...

Better Know An Umpire: Paul Emmel
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

Random Dude Who Insists He Used To Be The Bullpen Coach Scams Braves' Alumni Weekend
The Atlanta Braves held an alumni reunion over the weekend. They played softball, they went out for drinks, they honored John Smoltz, and they got scammed by a random guy claiming to be John Sullivan, a former major leaguer who was briefly the team's bullpen coach in the early 1980s....

Open Thread: Can You Write The Dumbest Story Ever About Derek Jeter?
Earlier today I suggested that Brian Lewis's New York Post piece today was the dumbest thing written about Derek Jeter....

Better Know An Umpire: Jeff Nelson
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

The Rays Need To Upgrade Their Bullpen Phone Plan
Joe Maddon had some instructions for his bullpen, but the landline call at Marlins Park just wouldn't go through. He couldn't use a carrier pigeon, and he couldn't send a telegram, so Maddon improvised as best he could: He dispatched infielder Will Rhymes to deliver the message. The human element be...

Twins Fans Grasp Coprophilia-Based Humor Better Than Any Other MLB Fanbase
Francisco Liriano fell to 1-7 on the season as the Cubs rocked the Twins in Minneapolis Sunday. While some Minnesota fans think the team as a whole is playing like shit, insiders point to the crappy performance by several players—Liriano and fellow pitcher Carl Pavano among them. Don't count the Tw...

Indians Closer Chris Perez Celebrated Earning His 20th Save By Projectile Vomiting All Over The Mound
Indians closer Chris Perez has been lights-out this season, and handcuffed St. Louis today in locking up a 4-1 Cleveland win. He did this, it seems, while suffering some degree of gastrointestinal distress—though given that he's done this before, maybe it's some kind of gross calling card....

Royals Teammate Was Probably Just Trying To Tell Bruce Chen He Had Something In His Eyes
During the Kansas City Royals 5-3 loss to the Pirates on Saturday Bruce Chen, who, interestingly enough, happens to be of Chinese descent, was doing a silly little in-game interview in anticipation of his big time face-off with the Pirates and A.J. Burnett. Then Humberto Quintero, the Royals catche...

Defendants Accused Of Beating Bryan Stow Admit Being Involved In Altercation On Secret Jailhouse Recording
Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge George Lomeli has determined that the two men accused of beating Bryan Stow into a coma, Louie Sanchez and Marvin Norwood, will have to stand trial for those accusations. In making his decision Judge Lomeli relied heavily on a secret recording from a cell as ...

Kevin Millwood (And Five Other Guys) No-Hit The Dodgers
The Mariners appear to be slowly coming around to this whole "offensive" part of baseball. They just abused the Rangers to the tune of 31 runs in two games about a week and a half ago and they are just above league average in runs scored. The boys in dark cyan still have some work to do, though—the...

Wearing A Fish Bib And Singing An Italian Song Did Not Give Tommy Lasorda Or Lou Piniella A Heart Attack, TMZ Says
This was the scene Sunday evening at Bamonte's, an Italian restaurant in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn that's been open since 1900. Bamonte's is a wonderfully old-school red-sauce joint—try the stuffed peppers appetizer and the eggplant rollatini—and it's not uncommon there for a couple of ol...

The A's Are Hopeless And Heartless
The Athletics are bad. They are last in the league in hits, total bases, RBIs, batting average, slugging percentage, and OBP. (Semi-silver lining: they have grounded into the fewest double plays, but only because no one's ever on base.) They're not mathematically eliminated just yet, but man, if eve...

Derek Lowe Lets Everybody Know He's Done For The Day By Slamming A Cooler Full Of Ice
After he gave up seven earned runs on nine hits in five innings against the Tigers this afternoon, Derek Lowe was probably going get lifted by Indians manager Manny Acta. The Cleveland broadcast crew noticed that someone—Scott Barnes?—had begun warming up in the bullpen, but they didn't know for sur...