Bleacher Report Founder Wins Right To Put His Sweaty Hands All Over The Gawker Archives

The archives of our former sister site Gawker now belong to this goon. Bryan Goldberg, the founder of Bleacher Report, a sports site for idiots, and Bustle, the women’s site that assumes women are stupid, won the rights to the defunct Gawker.com in a bankruptcy auction today, as reported by the .

It’s not clear why Goldberg, who received a lot of media coverage after he chose to found a women’s interest site for the most cynical, self-centered reasons, would want to own Gawker and the ability to delete anything written on it. Perhaps it was this post which admired how precisely brutal that was about him—“With his puffy face and untrimmed hair, he resembles a giant six-year-old,”—or this article, with the headline “Who Gave This Asshole $6.5 Million to Launch a Bro-Tastic Lady Site?” Maybe it was one of these blogs that irked Bryan so much that he decided wanted to spend (a reported) $1.35 million on the site that wrote it. If he doesn’t cremate Gawker’s corpse, but instead tries to revive it, it’s a sure thing that the result will be substantially dumber than the original thing.

Bryan, if you’d like to explain why you bought Gawker, feel free to reach out. Just make sure the subject line is “I founded Bleacher Report, here’s my response to you guys...” so we know who we’re dealing with.