Broncos have no eligible QBs — too bad Colin Kaepernick is totally available

The Broncos are supposed to play the Saints on Sunday.

That’s tomorrow right now.

One problem: the Broncos do not have anyone who can play quarterback. Not in the way that usually means, which is that the Broncos have Drew Lock, Jeff Driskel, and Brett Rypien on their roster, but that they do not have any quarterbacks, even nominal quarterbacks like those three, who are allowed to play against New Orleans.

To be fair to the maskless idiots, anyone who regularly lines up behind the Broncos’ offensive line is used to going without protection.

If only there were a quarterback readily available at a moment’s notice, one with lots of professional experience, and one who’s pretty smart — not the kind of guy to make himself someone’s high-risk close contact. Maybe even somebody the Broncos once offered a contract that would have run through this year ...

Is there anybody like that around?

Ah, well, nevertheless.

On such short notice, maybe John Elway could come out of the executive suite to play one more game. Or maybe there’s someone available from the University of Denver women’s soccer team. After all, Sarah Fuller came off of Vanderbilt’s other-kind-of-football team to be the only Commodores player who did anything worthwhile on Saturday. Why couldn’t that work at the NFL level, too?

Anything, really. There’s 7 billion people on Earth. Somebody’s got to be able to suit up for the Broncos on Sunday and take a few snaps, regardless of what the NFL’s COVID protocols (which are working so very well) say about adding a player so quickly.

Just, please, not Tim Tebow. We already saw that once. No.