Buy Anna Kournikova For 15 Minutes

Add the Philadelphia Freedoms professional tennis team to the "Needs to Re-learn How Liam Neeson Reacts to Human Trafficking" list.

As part of its " Play with Anna Kournikova!" fund-raising effort - which urges Russian blonde enthusiasts to "Place You Bid Now" (sic) - the Freedoms are offering Anna up to a "doubles format for a total of 15 minutes." Included in the package are "VIP Club invitations" and a "photo opportunity."

What a country! But what means this "doubles-format hit on the Freedoms center court at Villanova University," Philadelphia Freedom? Oh, really? Well, that's a disappointing bait and switch.

Recommended opening bid: $2,500. If Enrique Iglesias throws in a courtside serenade, that drops to $25.

Good luck.

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