Buzzsaw Girl Is Not Who You Think

The telly selection this afternoon is mediocre. And I can say that with a streak of honesty because the TV companies aren't paying me. Now the Internet, on the other hand ... has TONS of great stuff you can read. And a lot of it can be found on this website! Don't question it. Your retro video game for the day will be Nintendo's Defenders of Dynatron City, which was either adapted from a comic book, or from an animated series, or spun off into one. It's hard to tell, the game kind of "lacked interesting things."

• 12 noon — Women's Tennis: Sony Ericsson Open. More women with last names ending in -ova than you can possibly fathom. [CBS]

• 1 p.m. — NCAA basketball: Skills Competition. It's too bad kids these days leave college early to participate in professional skills competitions. [ESPN]

• 1:30 p.m. — Auto Racing: American Le Mans, St. Petersburg, Florida. Not a lot of people know this, but last year it was called the American Le Devil Mans. [ABC]

• 2 p.m. — PGA: Houston Open, third round. Johnson Wagner has a three-stroke lead after 36 holes, but perhaps because he's the aggregate score of two surnames. [NBC]

• 2 p.m. — Movie: Scary Movie [Telemundo] (Just in case you need a cultural relativist perspective on a Wayans Bros. movie. You look like you do.)

• 3 p.m. — NBA: Orlando Magic at Cleveland Cavaliers. Why is there a sticker of Dwight Howard in Ben Wallace's dreads? [ESPN]

• 3 p.m. — NASCAR: Nationwide Series, O'Reilly 300, Texas Motor Speedway. Wherein the Sprint Cup drivers actually pull down the pants of the regular Nationwide drivers on yellow flag laps. [ESPN2]

• 3:30 p.m. — MLB: This one team vs. some other team. All game are blacked out in Barbados. [FOX]