Canada Beats United States In Football, Local Weekend Guy Defensively Sneers At Canada

Oooh Canada, you think you're so big and tough with your two straight victories over American, likely Division-I recruit high school players, don't you? Well guess what? You're still from Canada and say "eh" all the time, so stuff it. When did you guys have time to learn football between all the ice-fishing and snow shoveling, anyway?

Doesn't matter—the American kids probably just felt bad for you guys and let you win. Do you know they are probably going to play at big-time college football programs? Do you even have college? Colleges are places where we go to learn important things, in case you were wondering out there on the farms or frozen lakes or wherever it is you do stuff. It's a big deal because it costs a lot of money to go. You probably wouldn't know.

Anyway, I hope the win meant a lot to you, Canada. We know you don't have much going on. If you have T.V. up there you might know we just recently celebrated our Independence Day. It's basically the most important day—it was a game changer. So, with the holiday putting us in a charitable mood: congratulations. Way to go, guys.

(Oh, by the way, your little neighbor up there, Santa Claus? Not real.)

Image of King of Canada via your mom

Canada beats under-19 USA football team again [MaxPreps]