Chelsea Owner Roman Abramovich Relieved To Still Have The World's Biggest Symbolic Penis

Thought we couldn't put a sports spin on the recent revelation that Teodoro Nguema Obiang Mangue, the son of the dictator of Equatorial Guinea, had commissioned a yacht with a movie theater on board? Wrong.

The boat, dubbed Zen, is supposed to cost $380 million. That makes it the second most-expensive yacht in the world. Whew. Roman Abramovich, the Russian oil magnate and owner of Chelsea F.C., still holds the record for watery excess. He has a $1.2 billion boat named Eclipse. The yacht has two heli-pads, two swimming pools, a disco hall, a mini-submarine, a missile defense system, a laser shield, and one very insecure captain.