College Publishing 101

Ways to bring your community college newspaper — community colleges have newspapers? — some much-needed publicity:

1. Assassinate someone. Can prove somewhat impractical. 2. Start a rivalry with a competing community college newspaper. Note: Can be difficult to find. 3. Claim you've found WMDs in Iraq. If you can fit it in your budget. 4. Publish photos of female soccer players lifting up their shirts. Bingo.

Only problem with this, of course, is if your community college happens to be in Johnson County, Kansas. Option 4 tends to upset the locals, perhaps even more so than the first three. The good news is that this should increase the paper's classified sales income to about 40, maybe 50 bucks.

Goals Gone Wild [The Pittsburgh Channel]