Creeping Fascism Update: Terror At The Ballpark

Be warned, rowdy baseball fans: If you act up at Seattle's Safeco Field, you're just liable to get a red card. Yep. Seattle Weekly is all over the story of the latest trend among Major League Baseball teams; cracking down on rude, loutish behavior in the stands (nothing yet on stifling Gary Sheffield). These days, if you heckle the opposition a little too loudly, and someone complains, it just could get you ejected from the premises. What is this, Russia? It isn't Russia, is it?

Infractions that could get you booted from Safeco, as printed on their red cards:

• Foul/abusive language or obscene gestures • Intoxication or other signs of impairment related to alcohol consumption • Displays of affection not appropriate in a public, family setting • Obscene or indecent clothing • Any disruption of a game or event, including throwing of objects or trespassing on the playing field or other restricted areas • Sitting in a location other than the guest's ticketed seat • Fighting, taunting or making threatening remarks or gestures • Smoking or the use of tobacco products, in any form

Personally, if we can't shout drunken expletives at Curt Schilling while inappropriately hugging our date who is wearing a Ruck The Fed Sox t-shirt and throwing objects onto the playing field, both of us having sneaked into field level box seats and then flipping off the ushers when we're caught while smoking cigars, then it's hardly worth going to a game at all. Also, a couple of potential red card infractions that the Mariners missed:

• Declaring your row a "pants-free zone" • Assaulting any costumed mascot with barbequed meat • Trying to start The Wave. • Actually attending a Mariners game.

Ballpark Bleachers Are No Longer A Heckler's Paradise, Especially At Safeco [Seattle Weekly]