Crisis Averted

You can rest easy, casual male tennis fans still reeling from the Ivanovic upset (C.M.T.F.S.R.F.T.I.U.s): Elena Dementieva and Jelena Jankovic are through to the next round of the U.S. Open. Dementieva easily advanced in straight sets over Anne Keothavang of...England? Really? Seems kind of Dutch to me. Meanwhile, Jankovic narrowly edged out Zheng Jie of our new athletic overlords, China, 7-5, 7-5, with a final game that took 28 points to complete. Jankovic also quickly put to bed any concerns over her lingering leg injury: "As long as I'm doing the splits, that means I'm healthy...I'm not too sure about my body if I go into a split, who knows if I'll come back up?" Let's see you do something with that, commenters. Elsewhere, Lindsay Davenport went out quietly in straight sets to France's Marion Bartoli. And on the men's side, American (snicker) hopeful Andy Roddick moved on in a hard fought four-set victory over a Brooklyn Decker-less Ernest Gulbis of Latvia. Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer, he of the increasingly creepy shaving commercials, also advanced, while former champ Marat Safin got bounced. Safin may or may not have been affected by a fine he received the previous day for cussing at an official i.e. being Marat Safin. On tap today: Rafael Nadal, James Blake, Sisters Williams and, God willing, a fat guy caught on camera eating a sundae.