Dear God, What The Hell Happened Over Here [Update]

All you had to do was help the big boy get back on his feet. Take care of his ACL repair, keep him hydrated, and at least pretend to keep tabs on his progress. While he’s laid up, give him a refresher course on tanking, limit his direct exposure to Enes Kanter, and show him some nice Duke highlights. That’s all. It should have been simple enough to get Kristaps Porzingis recovered and eager to play basketball again. He might even get excited about a promising scorer in Kevin Knox, a springy oddball in Mitchell Robinson, and the best teammates of all, High Lottery Pick and a Lotta Cap Space. All those weirdo reclamation projects will be off the books soon enough.

And yet, somehow, one year later, here we are:

Just contract the franchise.

Update (3:59 p.m. ET):

I wish to be flung into the sun itself.