Drunk Fat Dudes With Guns

We'll admit: We've been behind on this whole Chicago Bears fighting each other at a shooting range story. We're not sure why: It just kind of fell in that strange corner of the couch where we're always losing the remote. But let's get you up to speed.

Essentially, on November 7, the Bears had some sort of barbeque where, lo, alcohol was being served. Thing is, though, the barbeque was being held at a firing range, where the team was a guest of the FBI. (Ahem.) Athletes being athletes, after shooting for a while and then some boozing up, offensive linemates Fred Miller and Olin Kreutz got in some sort of tussle. Fortunately for the rest of us (and, specifically, the FBI), they didn't shoot each other; Kreutz picked up a five-pound weight and smacked Miller across the jaw with it, breaking it. (Miller's jaw is wired shut, and he's apparently lost 15 pounds already because he can't eat solid food, like, say, a raw steak.)

And now the FBI is investigating the incident, which sounds like a bigger deal than it is. And Miller's supposed to play next week. And he and Kruetz are buddies again. And all is hunky-dory. Which just begs the question: Did Orton booze it up at all?

Miller-Kreutz Fight Under Investigation [Aurora Beacon-News]