Enough with Steph Curry

I’m done with the Steph Curry talk. No more! Moratorium on all things Golden State. There’s not a take to be had. He’s underrated, he’s overrated, he’s the most influential player since Bill Russell, he’s hated, he’s not hated. I don’t care. He’s oversaturated.

I’m giving myself an aneurysm trying to think of something new to say. The Warriors botching the No. 2 pick in the 2020 draft and still ending up title contenders/favorites is my nightmare.

“Oh, you’re merely a butthurt Trail Blazer fan, mad about being the Washington Generals to Steph’s Globetrotters.”

You’re right, so fucking what?

I can’t be on the right side of Curry as a fan or professionally. Even when I say he doesn’t get enough hate, people defend the amount of hate he gets. If you stop him from shimmying on the court, he’s still in my damn Subway commercials. Klay Thompson tore every ligament in one of his legs and hasn’t seen real NBA action in a couple years, but I have to “just wait until Klay is back.”

Those of you reading this — my editors included — are finding it very difficult to continue right now because I’ve literally told you there’s nothing new to say. Fine. That’s fine. Painted myself into a corner on that one.

How about this: How many more words do I need to write or consume to become numb to Curry coverage? I feel like I’m talking to my therapist, asking if it’s possible to be completely cool with an omnipresent inevitability in my life, some traumatic “You are this way because this happened to you” type occurrence.

Maybe if I can find something new, something original to say, a magical take about a player and team who has received all the takes, I will find peace.

Curry is the whipped cream on the pumpkin pie. No, that’s not it. Say there’s nothing new to say about Curry and end the column after two sentences. No, I need a bigger word count to justify this paycheck. Oh, I think I got it.

You know when a writer says they’re not going to write something, and then lists off a bunch of things they weren’t going to write? Like, “I could prove to you that Michael Jordan was the best player ever by listing off his accomplishments, but I’m not here to talk about his perfect record in the finals, his six finals MVPs …” and so on and so forth.

So I could do that as a way of praising Steph without directly praising him, aka the forehanded compliment, but I’m actually not going to list off or even mention. … Nope, I’ve said too much.

By directly writing about Curry but not actually saying anything about Curry, I’m accomplishing two things: 1. He’s getting written about, which people love and will click on. 2. People are waiting for a payoff that’s not coming, and teasing trolls is fun. (No, I don’t think all my readers are trolls, but they are all on the internet, which is where trolls reside so…)

I told you there’s nothing new to say about him. He has won. Seriously, stop reading if you think One Big Thing is coming on Curry. Or, actually, give me a second.

— Penguin Slice-and-Bake Cookies

— Millionaire Shortbread Cookies

— Cranberry Orange Shortbread Cookies

Yeah, those are just Christmas cookie ideas. I got nothing.

You see, if I write Curry enough and don’t say anything about Curry, Curry loses all meaning. Curry, Curry, Corry, Curry. I wrote Curry so much you glossed over that I just misspelled Curry. (Maybe you didn’t, and caught that and said this guy is an idiot, he didn’t even spell Curry right. Well, you stopped to think about that and not Curry so mission accomplished.)

I’ve actually stopped worrying about how to write an original piece about Curry and started worrying about if this post is publishable. If it is, and you’re reading this, I finally got the better of Curry because if you can’t even get off a Curry take in the sports opinion business, what are you doing.

I did tell you I was done with the Curry talk.