Bayern Munich Are Beating The Motherfucking Brakes Off AS Roma [Update]

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the best Champions League game of the day, where we found out whether AS Roma, Italy's second-best team, could match or even best visiting German champions FC Bayern. After 38 minutes and five Bayern goals, the answer is quite clearly "nah."

You remember the Brazil-Germany World Cup semifinal, when the gods maybe looked on as Germans strolled into someone else's stadium and just stepped on their necks and nuts for 90 minutes en route to a 7-1 victory? This game sort of feels like that.

Arjen Robben opened scoring after just eight minutes, and then 15 minutes later, Mario Götze started a 13-minute, quadruple salvo that also featured goals from Robert Lewandowski, a second from Robben, and a penalty from Müller in the 38th minute. At half, it was already over

There's no mercy rule in the Champions League, though, and no white towel, so Roma are going to have to sit here and take this mauling for a while. Midway through the second half, Bayern still lead, 5-0.

Update: AS Roma's motherfucking brakes have been beaten off. Gervinho pulled one back for the Italians, but Bayern scored two more to close out the match, 7-1. It's Bayern's largest-ever away win in European competition, and Roma's heaviest home defeat in continental play.